Jennifer's IVF and Adventure in Pregnancy

new blog address

2010-04-28T13:49:00.000-07:00

Here's my new blog address: www.thewilsonfamilyfive.blogspot.com

I hope you'll follow me over to this blog :-)

Last post...

2010-03-29T13:56:00.000-07:00

Yep, you've read correctly. This will be my last post. Well, not last post ever...but my last post on the "Jennifer's IVF and Adventures in Pregnancy" blog. Since I am no longer going through IVF or pregnancy, I thought it appropriate to finish up this blog and start fresh. It's time to let go of my infertility and enjoy the wonderful blessings in my life. SO, I will be starting a new blog in the next week or so. I will of course put a link on this blog so anyone that wants to keep following the girls or just the Wilson family in general can get to the new blog and I will leave this blog up for awhile, so anyone going through IVF can read about my experience if they would like. Check back for that link :-)

I was trying to think of how to end this blog. I wish I was the kind of person who could sum all of my experiences up into a neat little package with parting words that are not only wise, but meaningful and touching...however, that's just not me. So here's what I want to say:

Infertility sucks! It sucks so bad that you can't possibly explain how badly it sucks. Only those who go through it can truly understand the turmoil it can bring to your life. It's been a long road that I hope to never travel again. I would like to say that it made me stronger and in some ways, maybe it did. But mostly it made me bitter (at times), heartbroken (at times) and eventually filled with joy at the final outcome.

We are coming to a point where we are going to need to decide what to do with our leftover embryos. We have 8. They are left from my second IVF cycle so this month they will have been stored for a year. What to do, what to do...I know this is controversial. Our options are to use them, donate to another couple, to dispose of them, or to possibly donate them to scientific research (although this option isn't available in some states and I am not to sure how this would work). We aren't sure what we are going to do and frankly, having the babies is still so new it seems premature to make such a big decision right now. SO, we are going to pay to store them one more year (a hefty price tag for that, I might add). This will give us some time to think about what we are going to do.

Also, I still have my "tub o fun" under my bathroom sink. There is nothing of value in this tub. Some expired meds, needles, alchohol swabs, etc. But for some reason, I can't bring myself to clean it out. What the heck am I holding onto? It's not like I'm a hoarder...you won't see me on some TLC show, but still...I just can't seem to bring myself to face that tub just yet. So, it looks like that will stay, as is, under my sink for awhile.

Do I still consider myself infertile even though I made it successfully through a pregnancy? You betcha. I wear my battle wounds with pride and will gladly talk to anyone about my experience with infertility. A pregnancy doesn't erase all that I have been through, even if it does lessen the sting a bit. It seems sort of fitting that it was 7 years ago in February that we started this whole thing and February is when our girls were born, ending it. 7 long years. Are we done having kids? I don't think so, but maybe. Will we try to get pregnant again? I don't think so, but maybe. Will we adopt again? It's always a possibility. As of right now, we are going to enjoy our kids and the life we have. Time will tell what happens beyond that.

So, for anyone that wants to follow the Wilson family, check back in the next week or so for the link to the new page (there will be an update on the girls and some pics). For those of you that are done following...thanks for the support and for always rooting for our success. We appreciate it :-)

Good-bye....

One month

2010-03-17T07:27:00.000-07:00

My babies are one month old. Seriously? Already 1 month? Where does the time go? I knew it would go by fast. This isn't my first go-a-round being a mommy you know. But still. Wow. 1 month.

Things have been a bit chaotic at our house. The girls are pretty good - they have their moments though, when I wonder what happened to my sweet little babies. I think I've been lucky as far as the nights go. I've had a couple bad nights where I needed to call Bobby in for reinforcements, but have mostly figured out how to get the girls fed, changed, and back to bed in under an hour and a half (with two, that is pretty good if you ask me). However....last night was not one of the "good" nights. Nope. Last night can only be described as a "what the hell kind of sick joke is it to give someone two screaming babies at one time" kind-of-night. Yep, my darling angels had had enough. They slept good for the first half of the night, but then they woke up at the same time to be fed. This scenario is never good because Briar is still not latching so I have to nurse Emma and feed Briar with a bottle. Sometimes I can do this simultaneously, but last night the girls were beyond pissed by the time I got to them, and each was demanding strict one-on-one mommy time. This means that while feeding one, I had the other one, purple faced, screaming at the top of her lungs, impatiently waiting her turn. There is nothing in the world that will make you feel more helpless than that. I joke that I feel like I am working in triage. Always accessing who needs me the most at that exact moment. It really is a matter of the squeaky wheel getting the oil.

I finally did get them both fed, burped, and changed. I even managed to have quieted them down and put them back in their crib. I slowly slipped into the twin bed in their room that I've been "sleeping" in and just as my weary head hit he pillow, they were at it again. Crying. In stereo. It was a little something like this, but lots louder with more urgency and red faces.

I picked up Briar because she was crying louder, which only irked Emma and elevated her volume of crying to a whole new level. The next hour and a half was spent holding both babies, putting one in the crib and soothing the other, only to have the calm baby start crying the moment I put her back in the crib. I tried the bouncy chair, I tried the swing, I tried putting them in bed with me, and then I did what all good mothers of twins do at one time or another. I gently lifted them onto my lap...looked at their little beet-red, screaming faces....and I joined in. Yep, I cried. I just sat there and cried. Not because I was frustrated really, but I was exhausted and at my wit's end. And if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

We cried like that for about 15 minutes. Then I told myself to "get it together". We obviously were done sleeping for the night and there was no point in pretending that I would get them to drift off dreamily in cribs at this point. So, change in plans. I went to Bobby's man's room, got lots of warm snuggly blankets, turned on the tv (volume up to an obnoxious level to drown out the crying) and just held the girls while watching tv until they finally gave up (about another half hour later, which at this point was 4:45am). Did I rock them while watching tv? No. Did I shush them or sing them wonderful little baby songs? Nadda. Did I maintain my sanity and eventually have 2 sleeping babies? You betcha. I don't feel good about letting them cry...it's a horrible feeling. But at least I was holding them and they knew that I was there with them. At my level of exhaustion, I think that's pretty darn good.

I know some of you are thinking that I should have dragged Bobby out of bed and made him help, and I did consider waking him up. But honestly, he needs his sleep because I need him to be not sleepy when he gets home from work so he can take over while I take a nap (plus he didn't get much sleep when we had Connor and that resulted in an epileptic seizure...an event that I would rather not happen again). It's probably not a perfect system, but it's our system and I know that I can always count on him if I needed him to get up.

Anywho, Connor is still totally in love with his sisters. Too cute. And he is a genius...he has been moved up to the 4 and 5 year old worksheets in preschool because the 3 year old ones were too easy. We were planning on putting him in Kindergarten when he's six, but now we're not so sure. Maybe we should put him in at age 5. I would love advice on this one :-)

We got the girls pictures taken yesterday. Or, rather we got their individual pics taken yesterday. We have to try again tomorrow for their joint pics. Someone should have told me that if you can't get their pics taken in the first week and a half of their lives (when they are really sleepy all the time) then you should just forget it because it is nearly impossible to get 2 babies to be cute and quiet at the exact same time. We did get some great pics though, and I am going to see if I can get permission to post a couple on my blog. So hopefully I can share those with all of you next week sometime.

Oh, and we did venture out of the house. Bobby and I took all the kids to Walmart and then we got really brave and decided we had just enough time before the girls needed fed to go to a restaurant. A sit-down restaurant. Yes, we are crazy. But we went and all the kids were great. No meltdowns or crying, and Bobby and I actually got to eat...hot food...together. And there was an actual conversation between us...with words, not just tired grunts to one another (lol). All in all, I would say our first family outing was a success!

Ok, better get going. I have attached a few pics for your viewing pleasure :-)

I just love this one because they are like little mirror images when they sleep sometimes.

What a typical guy. Used the last of the tp and didn't replace it. Also, totally fine hanging in the bathroom reading his toy magazine.

Due Date!

2010-03-09T07:42:00.000-08:00

Today is the day I was due to have my girls. I can't believe that instead of heading to the hospital to deliver what probably would have been a couple of 9 lb babies, I am sitting here watching my almost 3 week old little ones sleep. Wow!

So, today started off with me putting on my sweatshirt - it was next to the bed because I had taken it off in the middle of the night...only to discover that inside my sweatshirt was what can only be described as a cold, nasty lump of regurgitated cat food. Ugh! If that was going to set the tone for this day, then I want to go back to bed please. Hopefully, that will be the worst, or at least the grossest thing, that will happen today. But those of you with newborns, or better yet...newborn twins, knows that it's possible that was just the beginning.

The girls are getting into a rhythm and really are pretty good babies. They have some fussy times, but we can go most of the day without crying or crabbiness, so I consider that a victory. And I am happy to say I had a dream last night. Which means....I slept long enough to get into a REM cycle. I haven't had a dream since I was in the hospital, so I was practically giddy about this. Granted this "big sleep" I had was about 3 and a half hours long, but that feels like a lot in the middle of the night.

Ok, short post I know. But the little ladies are taking a siesta, so I am going to enjoy a cup of coffee goodness and read the paper.

Till next time....

Life with twins and a preschooler!

2010-03-07T06:55:00.000-08:00

Wow - things are super busy at out house! I was so lucky to have had my dad here to take care of Connor while I was in the hospital and my mom here for the first 2 weeks home with the girls. But now it's just us. My little family. And we are slowly but surely navigating our way through this crazy time of newborn twins and a very active preschooler.

Connor has been a dream child when it comes to his sisters. He is my diaper and burping helper and just loves his sisters so much that sometimes it's actually a little too much. We have to remind him to back away from the babies because he is always in their faces, kissing them and holding their little hands. I thought the "new" would wear off, but the amount of love that he has for the girls is out of this world. I was worried that he would feel left out or a little jealous, but the only thing that he's said so far is that he doesn't want me to leave again (when I was in the hospital) because it made him feel sad and he thought maybe I wouldn't come back. - Break your heart, right? I assured him that I wouldn't leave like that again and then he was off to other things.

The girls are growing so fast. I can't believe that they are almost 3 weeks old. My original due date was March 9th, which is Tuesday. I think we will do something to mark the occasion, but not sure just what that will be.

Ok, so I know a lot of you have been asking what the babies are like, so this blog will be mostly about that.

Emma and Briar are complete opposites of one another. Emma loves to be swaddled, Briar...not so much. Briar is a sympathetic crier. Emma could care less if Briar is crying. This is interesting because if Emma starts crying, I need to get it under control in a quick manner or I'll have two sad babies. I think Briar is just a little more sensitive that way. Emma will go to sleep if you put her to bed. Briar needs to be held to go to sleep. The list goes on and on. I know that they are individuals and all that, but I just really wasn't expecting them to be this different. It's amazing to see their little personalities forming and while I am loving every minute of them being babies, I find myself getting excited for future milestones - having twins is one of the hardest but most awesome things I think I've ever done.

Sleep. Um, yeah...we aren't getting much of that around here. I know this is a temporary thing, but I think I am almost to that point where I just want to cry because it seems like I will never sleep again - ever. Sad.

Breastfeeding. I'm still going with this. I never in a million years thought I would be someone that would like doing this, but I kind of do and am just not ready to give it up yet. We are having our struggles though. Briar is finicky and rarely nurses. So feeding the girls is very time consuming - I feel like I should just walk around topless to expedite the process. I nurse Emma for about 1/2 hour, then I feed Briar a bottle of breast milk, then I pump to try to keep up my milk supply. I am producing enough milk but just barely. If for some reason I need to give both girls a bottle then I end up using all the breast milk I have in the fridge and the following feeding for Briar has to be formula. Oh and they are on a 3 hour feeding schedule, so this process takes about half of that time. Sometimes in the middle of the night I'll get lucky and can tandem feed them, but it all depends on Briar's mood. I think I need to meet with a lactation consultant. It's exhausting...and yet, I just don't want to stop quite yet.

Me. My c-section incision has healed quite nicely and I doubt the scar will be noticeable at all. I am off the pain meds and feeling really good. I can drive again and can go for walks with the girls, but have to wait one more month before I can exercise. That's ok with me. I want to start exercising, but seriously...when do I have the time right now? Oh, and I'm back on the caffeine. Yep, I have given in to the sweet alertness that it provides me. Oh, and I am super hormonal. Like, cry at the drop of a hat, hormonal. Bobby thinks it's funny. I think it's annoying. I can't wait for my body to sort through all the hormones and regulate itself again.

My follow up dr. appt went well. Blood pressure is close to normal, but I need to stay on the bp medicine for awhile. My doc brought up the topic that makes us laugh...birth control. She asked what we were planning on using. We told her nothing, but she advised we reconsider because she's seen infertile people get pregnant right after having a baby. We are considering it, but honestly...birth control? I absolutely refuse to get back on the pill. I am done loading my body full of hormones. Trust me, I don't want to be pregnant with new babies in the house, but the chances of that are so minimal (pretty much non-existent) that I think we are just going to risk it. My doctor really advises against this, but I think we've made up our minds.

Till next time...

Water retention is almost gone!

2010-02-28T15:03:00.000-08:00

Woo hoo! Check this out...my feet are almost back to normal. Hallelujah!

On the road to recovery

2010-02-27T13:11:00.001-08:00

So there I was, healing in the hospital. Bobby just ended up stayed with me for all of the days and nights after the babies were born (poor guy stayed in the hospital almost as long as I did). It was sort of an endless stream of feeding the babies, sleeping, trying to walk around as best I could. We had all of our nurses stop by for a visit at one time of another. Turns out, I was the longest patient there at the time, and I think they developed a special fondness for my girls. It was a little sad saying good-bye to all those wonderful people.

Anyway, so we are thinking "whew" - We had made it through. Everything was looking great. Until my blood pressure was checked when I got off the magnesium sulfate. It was through the roof! I mean really high. Higher than it has ever been. Plus, I was retaining so much water it felt like my feet would bust open. I couldn't even bend my ankles at one point - ouch! Here is a little visual for you all:

They decided to monitor my bp at more regular intervals and informed me that if it didn't go down, I wouldn't be released as planned. What!?! I swear I thought there was a conspiracy to keep me at that darn hospital. They wanted me to make minimum movements - so basically back to bed rest and to keep the lights low and basically try to remain stress free. Uh, I just gave birth to 2, count them, 2 babies. Yep, stress free was gonna be easy.

Needless to say, my bp just kept rising and rising. They did keep us an extra day and finally agreed to let me go home, with a prescription of bp medicine and a promise that I would have my bp checked by my local dr 2 days later. I agreed, and I did have it checked...still high. This is something that I will have to talk to my doc about up my follow up appt this week.

Anywho, the girls did great on their Apgar, hearing tests, and jaundice tests. Emma was given a fully clean bill of health. Briar on the other hand had a little heart murmur. In fact there were 3 issues with her heart. The first two were heart murmurs. One that should clear up within 72 hours and the other was something that normally cleared up on it's own within a couple of weeks. Last checked it looked like both of these had cleared up.

The third thing was a little different. It's called Ventricular septal defect (vsd) and basically Briar has 3 teeny tiny holes between 2 of her heart chambers. They saw these on an ekg. Sometimes this clears up on it's own (here's hoping!). Otherwise they will monitor it and may possibly have to go in through a vein in her leg, up to her heart and patch it. If it gets worse (unlikely) then she may have to have actual surgery. The dr. used the term "open heart surgery" which frankly I think should never be used around new parents, even if the possibility of it is not likely. That's just a scary thing to hear. So, right now we just watch it. She has an appointment with a cardiologist in about 5 weeks and hopefully the little holes will have healed.

That's about it for the birth story. They finally let us leave the hospital, and we made the 2 hour trek home. I had been gone for 25 days and was thrilled to get back to my house. My mom has been here helping us out (thank goodness), and my dad was given a reprieve from taking care of Connor for the past 3 weeks.

The nights have been long, and the girls seem to like to tag team their crying, but we are figuring each other out slowly but surely. Breastfeeding started off pretty great, but the girls had lost weight so we had to supplement with formula and now we are having all kinds of issues. Half the time I am tempted to throw in the towel and go to formula, and half the time I feel inspired to see it through. It takes a lot more of a commitment than I realized and I'm not sure what I will end up doing.

Things with me are slowly going back to normal. I am losing weight at a pretty good pace - almost back to my pre-prego weight. Now I just need to get down to my pre-IVF weight and then my pre-infertility weight. (looks like I have a ways to go). I still look 5 months pregnant regardless of the weight loss, and I am not loving what I've been told is called "twin skin". You see, when I was pregnant my skin was stretched so tight that now it just kind of hangs around my middle. Oh and to make things a little more cruel, spots where I never saw stretch marks are showing stretch marks - how the heck did that happen?

Bobby keeps reminding me that it was only a week and a half ago that we had these babies and to give it time. But when you have put your body through all I have these past 7 years, you kind of forget what you used to look like, and then you get a little anxious to get back to that place.

Alright, I suppose that just about sums it all up.

Till next time.....

C-Section

2010-02-26T09:38:00.000-08:00

Ok, where was I? Oh yes, my c-section...

So, there I was, being bombarded with people talking to me. They were explaining the epidural and how it would work. I explained that I was really freaked out because it kept wearing off and I was worried that would happen during the section. They kept reassuring me, but it didn't help. One of my favorite nurses (the one with the ice packs) came in, I started crying and she asked if I was ok. I told her I was freaking out, and she asked what I was freaking out about. I listed all my worries and like an angel, we talked about each one until I had finally calmed down. Seriously, she has to be one of the best nurses ever.

I also had about 5 people all around me, moving the ice packs, unhooking me to monitors, re-hooking me up to things, etc. They threw some scrubs at Bobby and he quickly changed. It all happened so fast, it's kind of a blur.

They sent Bobby to a waiting room and wheeled me into the Baby delivery OR. I was now shaking uncontrollably at this point, partially due to the fever, partially due to labor, and mostly due to fear I suspect. The OR was rather chaotic. People were hustling around, I was moved to a table, they strapped my feet down, and showed me where I could rest my arms. They put oxygen in my nose and started testing whether or not my epidural was sufficient. I told them my right side was completely numb, but that I could feel their little scratch test on my left. They said they were adjusting. I just kept asking where Bobby was...things seemed to be moving so fast and it was becoming very apparent that what I thought was just a run of the mill c-section was more of an emergency c-section. Where the hell was Bobby!?!

They finally let Bobby in. I was so happy to see him. He sat by my head, and the Doc started the section. Remember when I said I had a little feeling left on my left side and they said they were adjusting it. Well, they never rechecked and oops...my left side wasn't completely numb. It felt like this stinging, burning sensation that hurt like a mo-fo. My right side? Nothing, just a little pressure and tugging. My left side, son-of-a-%&*@#!

I told them what I was feeling and they said they were trying to fix it, but it would take time and I could either grin and bear it or they could knock me out. If they knocked me out, Bobby would have had to leave the room, so I chose the grin and bear it option - only I didn't really grin so much as I complained about the pain pretty much the entire time.

Emma was born at 8:24pm. It was the weirdest feeling. It was a lot of tugging, then relief. Like I had this bowling ball lifted off my abdomen...like I hadn't taken a real breath in 9 months, and suddenly my lungs were full of air - it's hard to describe, but it was certainly a welcome feeling. They showed the baby to us and took over to clean her up. Briar was born 2 minutes later at 8:26pm. Same feelings, only this time when they were done, I felt a little empty. Relieved still, but empty - my pregnancy was officially over.

Bobby went over to the babies and brought them over to show me. By now, because the babies were out of me, they were able to give me some pretty heavy narcotics, so I was officially out of it. I vaguely remember seeing my girls - I wish that moment had been different. Bobby and the girls left and the Doc started stitching me up. Whatever they gave me to knock me out made me violently ill and the rest of my time in the OR was spent vomiting anything I had eaten for the last 10 years. I was told they'd never seen someone throw up so much in the OR - do I get a special award for that? I also lost quite a bit of blood and had to be given a medication to slow the bleeding. To put it mildly, I was a shit show. Things did not go smoothly -but in the end, all that matters is that my girls were born healthy.

From this point on, it was all a blur. Little bits and pieces of time are all I can recollect during the 3 or 4 hours I was in recovery. Bobby coming in and being so excited about our girls. Nurses attending to me. Pain, then no pain. Blur.

I was finally wheeled to my room. They put us back in the Ante-partum unit, because I was being started on magnesium sulfate (to stop any seizure that my pre-e might cause) and the nurses in this unit were better at attending to "high risk" patients. I was also on a saline drip, pitocin, and some pretty nice happy drugs - I think I had a total of 5 IV's plugged into my port.

I visited with my mom and Bobby's mom. I got to see my babies - Finally! And I attempted to nurse. It was a very busy night. The magnesium sulfate wasn't as bad as everyone says. I never felt sick, just really dry mouthed. Like desert dry. Like cotton mouth, sand paper, someone give me a freakin drink of water dry. Yuck! The mag was to be administered for 24 hours. I was given ice chips to eat in moderation and a wet wash cloth to suck on. This was a very long night. I had a little pain, was thirsty and was trying to absorb all that had happened in the past couple of days.

The next day, I was feeling better - still super thirsty. Since I was doing so well, they allowed me some orange slices (I misunderstood and ate the whole orange - oops), a Popsicle and things like that. I probably would have paid a million dollars for a Popsicle at that point, and actually cried when I ate it because it was such a relief. I nursed as best I could all day. The lactation consultant came in and gave me some tips. I tried tandem feeding for the first time. It was ok, but not something I felt I could do on a regular basis by myself. I could tell I was on the mend, and kept pestering my doc to tell me how long I would be the hospital - I had been there 20 days and was ready to be home. They said they would keep me for about 4 days and then release me.

Oh, and the girls. My beautiful girls! They were born so healthy, they didn't even have to go to the NICU to be evaluated. I had done it. I made it to 37 weeks. I helped to ensure my girls would be born healthy. I avoided the scary NICU. I felt so proud of myself...I didn't give birth how I planned, but all that didn't seem to matter. My little family of 3 was now I family of 5. A healthy family of 5. Awesome!

Better get going. Next on my blog...I thought I was on the road to being healthier, but of course this is me we are talking about so there was inevitably another bump in the road that threatened our release from the hospital. Also, we found out that Briar might have a health issue....

Did you miss me?

2010-02-25T15:03:00.001-08:00

Hello all! I am finally catching a spare minute to update my blog - which, frankly...are few and far between these days.

This post may be broken up into a few posts, depending on length and when I am summoned away by one of my beautiful babes. Oh, yes...the girls have arrived and we are settling into what is our new family/life.

I know my mom updated you all while I was in labor and it appears she did a pretty good job. Labor ended up lasting a total of 27 hours before it was decided to do a c-section. Obviously I wasn't thrilled that my plan of giving birth vaginally had been hijacked but as you will soon read, at the time, I wasn't in a position to really say anything.

It all started wonderfully, we were excited to be induced and the first hours, while it was annoying to constantly have a pill inserted behind my cervix and be stuck to the monitors, we were in pretty good spirits. I was told I could have the epidural at any point, but that I would be stuck in bed and I decided that I would put it off until labor was well on it's way. I was feeling some contractions, but not all of them and felt like I was doing a pretty good job at the laboring thing.

Unfortunately, things were just not going forward. They thought about putting in this other thinning medicine, but instead decided to go straight to the pitocin which would cause stronger contractions and hopefully get my body to do the rest of the work. The pitocin was started and I was ready for my epidural.

The first time they put the epidural in, it veered off track a little and didn't work, so they had to pull it out and do it again. OUCH! I wanted to cry but decided the pain I would feel during labor, would be worse than this epidural pain, so I endured. Finally, it was placed correctly and I was a really happy camper. They gave me the little clicker so I could administer more pain medicine whenever I deemed it was needed. I loved that little button...sadly, the pain returned after only an hour and a half and the anesthesiologist was called down to redose me. I was told that sometimes (especially with multiples) it can take one or two times to get the dosage right. For me, it was 4 times and it seemed like that damn epidural wore off about every 2 hours. I was told, that just happens sometimes. Mmmm-k, thanks, I love knowing that now!

At this point, I was off food, and limited to ice chips. I pestered my nurse into letting me have a drink and she relented, only to take it away from me after just 2 sips saying that she changed her mind and didn't want me to get sick. I didn't care for the nurse at that moment and basically asked my dr. when he came in, if I could have something to drink because my nurse wouldn't let me. She looked pissed and I instantly felt like a bitch, but I was really thirsty. The doc gave the ok and left. The nurse handed me my drink. I drank it. Ten minutes later I was throwing it up and telling the nurse she could say 'I told you so". She graciously declined and we were friends again.

The throwing up should have been my first clue that things weren't going as planned. I was still progressing 1 cm every 2 hours, so at this point we were still going full speed ahead. Then I developed a fever. The dr. was called in and because it was a low grade fever, told us that sometimes that happens in labor. I was still feeling nauseous and more and more flu like, but again, still progressing every 2 hours. Then around 7:00 pm things suddenly changed.

I told Bobby and my nurse that I really didn't feel good...that I felt like I had the flu. That the contractions weren't bothering me so much as feeling sick was. My nurse was very sympathetic and appeared a bit worried about my rising temperature, but it was time to do her report for shift change and I suspected that my new nurse would be the one dealing with my discomfort.

As Bobby and I are sitting there, waiting for my new nurse, I just keep telling him how awful I felt. I must have looked pretty bad because he looked really worried. I was throwing up, had a fever, and kind of felt like I was in and out of it a little. I must have drifted off to sleep, because the next thing I remember is one of my favorite nurses barging into the room. I told her hi and was glad she stopped by to see me, she smiled and said hi and that's when I realized that while we were making small talk she was shoving huge bags of ice under my arms and in between my legs. At some point my fever had hit about 103 and was rapidly climbing. The babies heart rates had gone up and wouldn't come back down. I asked her what was happening and she told me that they really needed to get my fever down and my blood pressure and heart rate were starting to rise as well.

After this, everything happened really fast...My doctor came in and checked my cervix. I had progressed, but the progression appeared to be slowing/possibly stalling - I was just barely 6 centimeters. He said they have used all their bags of tricks to try to give me a vaginal delivery, but that we were at an impasse and needed to move forward with a c-section due to the stalled labor and what might have been an infection from my membranes being stripped, rapidly moving throughout my body. I agreed to the c-section (surprisingly I agreed to this rather quickly and felt a bit relieved to see a light at the end of the tunnel). I asked how long until we would do the c-section and he said they were getting me ready right then and the babies would arrive within a half hour. Wow...that seemed kind of fast. He left. I cried.

Little ones need to eat. I'll continue the story at my next post :-)

FINALLY......But not as was planned!

2010-02-19T16:17:00.000-08:00

Again you get to hear from guest blogger. I know, not near as humorous as Jennifer. That is why I am to give you just the bare details and Jennifer will be updating all of you with HER story in a few days.

The girls were delivered by c-section on February 17th. Emma Belle Sue Wilson was born at 8:24 pm, weighing 6lbs. 9 oz. and is 19 1/2 inches. Briar Anne Wilson was born at 8:26 pm, weighing 7 lbs. 10 oz. and is 19 inches long. Both have dark hair and if I say so myself are the most beautiful babies!

Jennifer got through it all just fine but I am sure her version will make you wonder how she was able to survive it all. She is pretty exhausted trying to recover while attending to nursing 2 babies. Not sure when she will be released but we all hope soon!!

Stay tuned for the rest of the story...................

2010-02-17T10:21:00.000-08:00

22 Hours and Counting....

First of all this is a guest blogger for Jennifer, her mom. Jennifer is not in any position to be blogging right now. In fact, her postion is pretty horizontal right now. Needless to say things are not going as planned, and as you all have figured out by now is that Jennifer is a planner.

Yesterday was to start at 6:00 am and Jennifer and Bobby were anxiously waiting for the "show to begin". Several hours later they were still waiting, and waiting, and waiting. Shift changes resulted in varied opinions on how to proceed. Throughout the day she was monitored and checked several times. Progression was not happening and needless to say Jennifer was not a happy camper. Here is personal info so if you want you can skip to the next paragraph. Her cervix was 50% effaced and dilated to a little over 1.

They inserted stuff to help thin the cervix but did not happen. To do all of this they would monitor for 30 minutes, insert "thinner" and then Jennifer would have to lay on her back for 2 hours while the girls were being monitored. In Jennifer's words, "laying on my back hurts like hell, and baby B pushes up in my ribs".

In the afternoon, we moms arrived to 2 wornout parents to be, who were disillusioned that nothing was going as they had planned. Go figure that having babies would be out of one's control. As the afternoon turned to evening there was a definite holding pattern going on. The moms took Bobby to dinner and left Jennifer to rest. Of course, during that time, Jennifer experienced a huge contraction and it was all Bobby's fault for not being here. Just imagine her not being able to see the screen to judge how long it was, trying to reach for the nurse's button that Bobby had so carefully placed just out her reach. and having a pain that she places at an 8 on the scale of 1-10. Little does she know that they do get alot worse.

Oh, Jennifer told me to mention the torture bed. It is basically a flat piece of foam on hard wood that they use when women deliver in the room. One of the many nurses that they have gotten to know the past 20 days told them to request a better bed like she had in ante-partum. They did and like magic they got her one which was funny because everyone realized that she did not need the dreaded torture bed as she will be delivering in the operating room anyways. One of those "lightbulb" moments.

Nighttime resulted in a wait and see attitude, trying different things. The moms left to their motel hoping morning would bring exciting news. Nope, nothing except for the warning from Bobby that Jennifer had a bad night and to be careful. All I could envision was the girl in the Ex.or.cist .

After a brief visit the moms were "banished" (Jennifer's words) to the waiting area while she was examined, decisions were made, and procedures were administered. So here she is on Wednesday, February 17th. She has had her water broken and the pitocin started. They are increasing it every 15 minutes. Oh, and she did get her epidural. Thank goodness, she is in a much better mood.

We know that everyone is anxiously waiting to hear news and some of you are even caring so much that you are texting and asking for updates. Being a protective mom I am asking you to just think about that. Would you want to have your phone flash while you are in the midst of a contraction? I will update her blog as best I can so keep positive thoughts that the girls arrive sooner rather than later. Till then.......

18 days down, 1 to go

2010-02-15T11:34:00.000-08:00

I have been in the hospital for 18 loooonnnngg days. But we are at the end, because tomorrow I will be 37 weeks and at 6am, they are starting my induction - woo hoo!

Today the dr. checked me out and I am dilated to a 1, 50% effaced and at a 3 station. So I still have quite a ways to go, but we are all pleased that at least my body has started to move in that direction, which will make the induction go a lot more smoothly (hopefully).

And it is a good thing that I am being induced because, while not moving overly quickly, my pre-e is advancing. I'm swollen, seeing wiggly lines and spots, and have some blood pressure readings that are a little out of control. For the sake of my health and the babies' health, it is time to get this show on the road.

I can't believe I am going to meet my little ladies tomorrow (or possibly Wed.). And I can't believe I will finally be allowed to go home - hallelujah!.

I am going to take one final pic of my belly during this pregnancy, and maybe toss in one or two of my hospital stay just for fun. So I'll probably post those tonight. Also, I will probably update at least once tomorrow, because I am told that I could be waiting a long time for labor to kick in and I will most likely be bored.

For now, I have a lunch date with my husband in the cafeteria and I do believe I am going to ride the AntePartum unit's Rascal to get there. (FYI, a rascal is a motorized chair thingy that mostly old people use to get around...you see them often in grocery stores and Walm.ar.ts).

A little glimpse into my life at the hospital

2010-02-12T07:53:00.000-08:00

First of all, I would like to apologize for some of my past posts. I went back and read some and the spelling and grammer is horrible! I really have no excuse other than laziness....Blogger has a spellcheck - but I guess sometimes I skip that step. So, sorry if you're happily reading along and notice that I make a blunder.

I've been asked by many people what it is like being on bedrest at the hospital. You know, things like what is your room like, what is your schedule like, etc.

So I thought I would address those questions today :-)

My room is pretty nice - it's located in the Antepartum area of the hospital, so all my neighbors are pretty much in the same boat I am, except most of them have come and gone already...and I still sit here and wait. If you've ever seen a labor and delivery room at a hospital, it is similar to that. Pretty roomy, I have a desk, a daybed, a large bathroom with a jetted tub, a tv with a vhs/dvd player and wireless Internet. My view is of downtown Spokane and ironically you can see you my IVF dr.'s office from here. Everything is brought to me (because most women can't leave their beds at all), so my admission forms, the nutritionist, the finance person, labs, etc. all come to my room.

My schedule pretty much looks like this:
6am: Dr. comes in for morning rounds to check in and make sure nothing has changed with me
overnight.
6:30am: I get weighed
7am: If it is a Tuesday or a Friday, I get blood drawn
7:30am: My daytime nurse checks in with me and give me a pro.tonix for any reflux I may be
experiencing.
8am: Breakfast is served
8:30am: The babies and myself are put on the monitors for one hour - I used to like this time,
but now it just kills my back and feels a little bit like torture.
9:30am: Done with monitoring - woo hoo! I take a shower and pretty much take my sweet ass
time getting ready, because I don't really have much else to do.
10:30 - noon: I sometimes go for a walk, do laundry, refill my ice water, play on the
internet...any number of mindless activities....
Noon: Lunch time
1:30 or so: I tend to take a nap. You wouldn't think that sitting around would be tiring, but
regardless of what I am doing, these babies are still growing and that's hard work!
3:30: Sometimes I have visitors, sometimes I go for a walk, I talk to the nurses, read, etc.
5:00 - Dinner
6:00 - 8:30 - sheer boredom! Sometimes I catch up on phone calls during this time which helps
with the boredom. Sometime around 8:30, my dr. comes in to check on me.
8:30 - 9:30: Monitored and normally I am assessed by my night nurse.
10:30: I take my Am.bien and drift off to sleep...

Riveting stuff huh?

So there ya go. I'm on day 14 here (15 days total if you count the night I spent at Gri.tman). Only 5 days till induction...the countdown is on. And I think I can finally, finally say that I am ready to have these babies. If I were home and enjoying the end of this pregnancy, it would be another story. But this sitting and waiting is awful (not to mention uncomfortable), and at this point I am just ready to be done. Betcha never thought you'd hear me say that :-)

Still waiting around at the hospital

2010-02-10T16:05:00.000-08:00

That's right folks, I am still here, on bed rest at the hospital. Only now, it's not really bedrest since most of my restrictions have been lifted and is suspiciously similar to the house arrest, er I mean "home rest" I was on before I came to the hospital.

It seems I am stable. Like really, really stable. So, now I have permission to sit in chairs, on the couch, go for walks up to 30 minutes. Heck, I am even allowed to walk outside of the hospital (but still on hospital grounds) if I want. Yep, that's right...I've been given the gift of fresh air. I was so excited about these new parameters that yesterday Bobby and I walked around for my half hour. We went down to the cafeteria, went to the gift shop, went outside on this little patio, and did a loop on my floor before going back to my room. Oh, yes it was freeing...but it was also a big mistake! Turns out when you've been sitting around on your ass for 3 weeks and doing nothing in the form of exercise...you get a little sore carrying around the giagantic belly. So sore that today my groin and inner thigh muscles feel like I have just ran a marathon. Ouch. So, no walking for me today. Maybe tomorrow I will try to ease into it a little.

Being in the hospital is pretty much how you would picture it. Bobby comes and keeps me company for about 4 days and then has to go home. It's not too bad when he is here - he takes great care of me and helps me to stay entertained. There are some really great nurses here, but then there are nurses who completely suck - like the one I have today. The food is ok if I remember to order off the menu, otherwise I am stuck with some kind of dry meat covered in gravy. You would think remembering to order would be easy, but I have a serious case of the stupids and can't seem to remember to do anything. The are are amenities here, such as a "nourishment" room with juices, milks, snacks, etc. There is a craft room, with no crafts in it, but there are a bunch of old school vhs movies, magazines and a washer and dryer (which has been nice).

I can't remember what I have posted in the past so if this update is a little repetitive, bear with me...I have officially been scheduled for an induction. We will be induced on Feb.16th (next Tuesday). There was talk about doing an amnio to check their lungs and then induce me this week (week 36) but I couldn't help but wonder why they would do that when it could result in me giving birth to sick babies, when, if they just waited till week 37 the likelyhood of the babies being healthy jumps way up - I mean we are talking probably no NICU time what-so-ever. Luckily for me, one of the doctors mentioned this same thing in their meeting and it was decided that we would wait for week 37 and induce at that time. Woo Hoo! The did say if I go into labor, they won't stop me and there have been been a few signs that my body is working in that direction...I've been having contractions, although I'm still not feeling them. And (-k this is gross and TMI, so look away now while you have the chance) I have lost part of my mucous plug. Yep, both indicators that labor is looming.

I'm so excited to meet my little ladies and yes, getting a little anxious about the part where I actually have to push these babes out of my body. The thing that scares me most is delivering one only to end up with a c-section for the other. But I am trusting my gut and sticking to my guns with the vaginal birth. Hopefully it will be ok. I still have to be on the magnesium sulfate, which I am not super excited about. I've heard nasty stuff about that drug but again, since it's not optional I am trying to accept it and tell myself that it won't be that bad.

I haven't been able to measure my belly since I have been here, but I can say that I am still growing and growing. My skin is so tight on my belly that it feels like it is going to rip open - it is actually shiny in areas that are stretched to the max. No amount of lotion helps with the sensitivity. The babies have really been growing lately. I've gained 39 pounds with this pregnancy (yikes!)...the only positive thing is that the girls are trying to pack on those extra ounces everyday, so no matter how much I eat and sit around when I am here, it doesn't seem to make me gain any more weight - I've been holding steady at 39 lbs for a couple months now. I keep telling myself that after next week I am really going to have to change my eating habits, or I am going to have a big issue (LOL).

That's about it from me. We had an ultrasound today and finally got to see little Lefty's face, so I have attached a picture. She looks like she is kissing Righty's head and it appears she has chubby chipmunk cheeks - I love it! I promise to update again in a day or so, or if anything changes.

2010-02-04T09:26:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone! So here are the promised pics - The first is a pic of me at 34 weeks, just before all this hospital business started.
The second is me at Sacred Heart in Spokane. You can see that I look a little tired from all the excitement. Oh, and that one is a real belly shot, because frankly the thing is so huge, sometimes showing it with my shirt over it just doesn't do it justice.
And finally, the last pic is of my beautiful Miss Righty. Her face is being smooshed by Lefty's arm, but you can kind of tell what she'll look like. And the ultrasound tech told us that while Lefty looks to have a little bit of straight hair, Righty looks like she might have some wavy hair - cute!

On another note, this hospital stuff sucks! Mainly because I wasn't really feeling any aches and pains before I became bed rest bound, but now my back hurts and because my girls are growing so great, my ribs are starting to separate to make room. Sometimes if you listen to my middle section while I move, you can hear the cartilage pop - gross and why would you listen to my middle section? But that's what's happening with me. I've been given Am.bien to help sleep at night (thank goodness) and hydr.codo.ne if the pain gets really bad...although I am trying not to take the hyd.ro.co.done because I worry about the effects that it might have on the babies. Probably nothing to worry about, but still..........

Anyway, that's all for today. Hope you enjoy the pics.

Being held hostage at the hospital...er, I mean, Bed restin' at the Hospital

2010-02-03T16:27:00.000-08:00

Well, it looks like Sacred Heart will be my home until these babies make their arrival. We have been through craziness these past 6 days! Sometimes we thought we would be having the babies the next day, sometimes it looked like I might be able to make it to 36 weeks...everyday my labs were different and the Doctors had a different plan about how to proceed.

Bobby wins the best hubby award because he stayed with me the entire time (he went home today). He's the best caregiver and it was so nice to have his company...today has been dragging on and already a bit lonely.

So, let's get right down to it. Basically what is happening is that my liver enzymes were crazy out of control. And they couldn't explain why, which is what really freaked them out. I am at a point where I have mild pre-eclampsia. And when I say mild, I mean I just barely have it, but it is very, very slowly progressing. I also have PIH (pregnancy induced hypertension). However, when the Dr.'s said that I would be induced in a day or two, I got freaked out...I didn't want my girls to spend time in the NICU and thought I would try to apply the Power of Positive thinking to get me out of this predicament. Well, I think it's working (Bobby says I'm on crack and that positive thinking can't possibly be making me better, but what does he know?). As of right now, my liver enzymes are almost back to normal. I've had several blood pressure checks and all are coming back normal or only slightly elevated, and the protein in my urine looks to be progressing at a snails pace, which is ok by me.

So, what does that mean? It means that now I am stable. Ah, stable! That sounds awesome if you ask me. However, since pre-eclampsia is the type of thing that could go really bad, really fast, they have decided to keep me here at the hospital on bedrest for the duration...which they hope will be 37 or 38 weeks. Yikes! That means I could potentially be here for 3 weeks - yuck! At least my bedrest isn't too strict. Don't get me wrong, it's stricter than I would like, but I'm not gonna complain. I need to stay in bed for most of the day, but I don't have to have the bed in the "lay down" position. I can sit in the glider while I eat, I can use the bathroom and take a shower everyday. I can also have someone take me on a 30 minute wheelchair ride, but only right after I am monitored and only if the monitoring goes ok. Oh, yes, the babies are monitored 3 times a day for an hour each time, my bp is checked at these times as well.

Is this ideal? No. But I'll do what I have to do. We toured the NICU, and I was totally fine until they took us to the pod that they have set up for our girls. For some reason, the fact that they are all ready to go in case our girls come early was not comforting to me...it freaked me out - big time! So here's hoping I can keep chugging along and grow these babies a little longer.

I am relieved to know that they are on board with us trying for a vaginal birth, however when the time does come I am going to have to magnesium sulfate. Ewww. I heard that stuff is the worst, but I am at risk of have seizures because of the stupid pre-e so this is not optional.

I can't complain too much at things here. The nurses are fabulous. The food isn't the most terrible thing. I have my own room with a pretty nice view. The most annoying thing I've found is that every time a baby is born a bell chimes. Well, this is a big hospital and I swear about 20 babies are born every day, so that damn chime is always going off. It's like this endless line of women come in, have their baby and leave and I just get to sit in this bed - booo to that.

Ok, I am sure I will be posting more often, because...let's face it, what else have I got to do?

Oh, and on a completely different topic...my mom asked why sometimes in my blog there are random periods in the middle of words. For example, Ba.bies r u.s. By adding the periods, my blog doesn't come up on Go.ogle when people are searching for Babie.s r U.s. A little trick someone told me about :-)

I do have some pics to post, but blogger isn't letting me post anything, so I will try again tomorrow. They are of me at 34 weeks, me at the hospital in Spokane, and a beautiful picture of my little Miss Righty's face!

Till next time......

A week of big changes

2010-01-30T18:49:00.000-08:00

This past week has been a doozie! And when I say doozie, I mean it in every sense of the word.

Home rest had been going pretty well. I did all I could to ensure I was taking it easy, sitting and laying down and just generally resting. My first NST of the week, on Monday, went fine. The girls looked good and my bp was high but not as high as it had been.

I went to my appointment with my Doc on Wed. This too went pretty well. She said my bp was still high but my protein levels went down a bit so I wasn't quite pre-e, which was good. She wanted me to do a 24 hour urine test and to also get a blood pressure cuff for home so I could monitor my blood pressure while resting. I said no problem.

Thursday morning I was supposed to have my ultrasound but the tech was sick and it was rescheduled for Friday. So I waited around my house all day and in the afternoon, I went in for my NST. Had I know that would be the last time I would be at my house for awhile, I would have picked up, finished packing my hospital bag, or at least given a good attempt at shaving my legs. But I can't predict the future, so instead, I threw on some clothes, combed my air-dried and "not very cute at the moment hair", and headed into Moscow.

When I got to the hospital, I gave them my urine from the past 24 hours - ewwww, and I got hooked up for my NST. The NST went great, and while I was waiting to be released someone from the lab came in to draw my blood. I told the nurse I was ready to go after that and she informed me that I had to wait for my doc to come and talk to me after they got the test results. So I waited, and waited. Bobby came in and kept me company and then the Doc came in and told me the test results came back unfavorable, my liver enzymes were very high and that was concerning. They wanted me to stay the night for monitoring and another urine test, this time a 12 hour test and then we would talk about whether or not I needed to be transferred to Spokane...scary!

So I stayed the night at G.ritman. My first time ever to stay the night in a hospital. I was crabby and I didn't like it. They gave me an Ambi.en to help me sleep. Thank Goodness. The next morning, Bobby met me back at the hospital and we awaited the results. My doc came in and told us that she had talked to the Docs in Spokane and they agreed that it would be best if I were transferred to Spokane. Bobby went home to pack some bags and his mom hung out with me at the hospital while I awaited transfer. Bobby came back just before they were loading me into the Me.d S.tar ambulance and he told me he would follow right behind us. So off we went to Spokane, where I am currently residing.

When I first got here it looked like I would just be on bed rest until I reached 36 weeks and then they would send me back down to Moscow. Unfortunately that good news didn't last long. After doing a bunch of tests of their own, the Dr.'s here are "worried" about me and now it appears we will most likely induce in the next couple of days. There is a big long story about why, but basically, although I feel completely fine, it appears I am getting sicker (liver enzymes, high bp, possible pre-e, etc.). So they are monitoring me here, doing tons of tests, and just trying to hold me out for another day or two to give these babes a couple more days in utero. Is this scary? Yeah, a little. But I did the best I could, and these babies are still thriving...it's just me that is having issues.

Speaking of the babies...I finally did get an ultrasound today - yay! And these babes look so great. While the measurements could have a margin of error of up to 20%, I thought I would share the most recent info we have on them. Lefty weighs in at 5 lbs and 14 oz and Righty weighs in at a whopping 7 lbs 4 oz. That's right, one of my babies is a giant :-) These numbers are great! The fluid levels are great, they are both head down, everything is really good as far as they are concerned. Oh, and Lefty looks like she has a little bit of hair. The tech asked Bobby how tall he was because both girls look like they have long legs. Guess they might have gotten his genes in that area.

I am getting excited to meet these little ones, but I hope my body will stay healthy enough to at least get them to 35 weeks and a couple of days. Even if they induce tomorrow or the next day, it could take a day or 2 for me to actually go into labor, so we're a couple days away at least. Of course there is always the possibility of having to have an emergency c-section, but I am trying to use the power of positive thinking to help ensure that won't happen.

I'm sorry that this isn't a humorous blog and I'm sorry if it was more of a rambling than giving good information about what is going on. I'm exhausted from all the goings on the past couple days, and wish we knew more concretely what was going to happen (I'm a planner as you all know). But I am trying my best to roll with the punches and just praying that if we deliver early my girls won't have to have NICU time. I'll update again when I know more and when I have more energy.

Till then.....

Son-of-a-%$@#& ! (*warning...long post!)

2010-01-22T10:31:00.000-08:00

Yep, I said it. And I'll say it again...along with a few other choice words.

So here's the deal. I'm living my life, in pregnancy bliss. Loving how great I feel, loving the compliments on how great I'm doing, bragging about how great I feel...because, hey..I'm pregnant with twins and I made it to 33 weeks, and I've had no real complications and blah blah blah blah blah.

I think what happened is I got cocky. Yep, I'm pretty sure the universe decided that I was a little to big for these big belly britches and decided to knock me down a notch or two.

You are probably starting to wonder what the heck happened, and with good reason because I could continue this rant for quite awhile and that wouldn't be nice because I know that you are all in the dark on my newest development, so here's the story:

I went in to my Dr. appt. yesterday. No ultrasound this week; just the quick check in to see how wonderful I am doing and to bask in all the praise that my Doc was certainly going to bestow on me.

Then....eeeerrrrrch! (That would be everything coming to a halt). My Doc asks if there is anything I might want to discuss or mention that is new. Well, come to think of it, the other day when I walked up the stairs I saw these squiggly lines for a few minutes after...and actually that's been happening about once a day for the past week. hmmmm.....also, my ankles are getting ridiculously swollen and even a very restful night sleep isn't helping them like my pregnancy bible says it should. hmmmmmm....So she asks about my shortness of breath. (I had some shortness of breath at my NST earlier this week and had blood taken to rule some things out). I told her I'm really only short of breath when I am lying down and am pretty sure it's the weight of the babies that's doing it to me. hmmmmmm....

Mmmm-kay....it's time to stop hmmmmmming and start talking lady!

So, turns out my blood work from earlier in the week was mostly fine but did show I am having an underactive thyroid issue. No biggie, just need to start popping a pill for that one. Can do. Next?

There is concern because when I got to my appointment the bottom # of my blood pressure was elevated. This was concerning because I've been like the poster child for good blood pressure this whole pregnancy and when you add in my info about the squiggly lines plus the swelling that won't go away, it starts to look suspicioulsy like pre-eclampsia. Boo to that. I am at risk for pre-e because this is my first pregnancy, I am having twins, and there is a little bit of a family history there. Yay - 3 for 3 for me. The shortness of breath is concerning because it could mean the extra fluid in my body is getting into my lungs. So just to be sure everything is A-ok, she sends me to the hospital for an NST, urine and blood tests. Grrrr....it was gonna be pizza night and snuggling with my little family on the couch. I'm not happy to have to go start tests at 5pm but I'm also a little concerned about the babies so I do what I am told and head over to the hospital.

Yesterday was a day for babies in Moscow to be born. Every stinkin room was full when I got to the hospital so they put me in a back room that was a fine room I s'pose but it sort of looked like the hodge podge/overflow room and I know from experience all of the rest of the rooms are much nicer. Ok, so maybe at this point I'm feeling a little irritable. I dont' want to be there, I'm tired and frankly the fact that I even have to have all these tests makes me feel a little like a failure. I was doing so well, and I know it's all out of my control, but I sucked at getting pregnant...I don't want to suck at being pregnant too!

I get hooked up to the monitors. Lefty is really far back so they have to tighten the heck out of her monitor which made things uncomfortable. But then the nurse starts my NST, sets me up with water and all that, then tells me the lab will be in to take my blood shortly (oh, I gave a urine sample right when I got there, so that was already taken care of). I wait...I text my friend Nicole, I text my sister, I call Bobby and assure him that the babies are not going to be arriving right then and tell him there is no need for both of us to be bored at the hospital so he should just stay home. Then I wait some more. My back is killing me...I adjust the bed and look longingly at the pillow across the room that would be heaven on earth if it would gravitate towards my bed and place itself behind my back.It's been an hour...Bobby has called twice, freaked out. -K, love the man, but they are checking my blood pressure every few minutes so don't be all freaked out because that freaks me out and there is no hiding it on the machine. Oh, and btw at this point my blood pressure is nestling in a scary high range that I was not at all comfortable with. Freakin nurse...where is she? I try to will the pillow over and seriously contemplate unstrapping all the monitors because my back hurts, I'm tired and hungry and nobody has checked on me for the last hour because all these damn babies are being born and I'm not the priority at that moment. (huff!).

Anywho, just as I am sure that I am about to have a massive freak out, the nurse walks in all cheery "how are we doing"? Ummm we? WE aren't doing so hot. WE have the mother of all backaches and WE are starving because it has now been nearly 7 hours since WE have eaten. Did I tell her this? No. I said, please can I have that pillow behind you - actually it was more of desperate plea than a request. "Oh, right...sorry, I should have given this to you earlier". Yeah, yeah you should've. She puts the pillow behind my back and it is quite possibly the most wonderful thing I have felt in months. Pure bliss. Then, in walks Bobby. He decided to come to the hospital after working it out for his parent's to watch Connor. I felt bad that he would be bored with me, but was so happy to not be alone and helpless anymore.

So, the babies look awesome. No problems with them - I passed my NST with no contractions. I was not anywhere near pre-term labor and the babies were really active which is great. The nurse got permission to take me off the monitors and I finally was able to sit up - yay! Then she says we just have to wait for a lab person to come in to take my blood. I chug the water they had given me. A Nursing assistant (who is the nicest person ever) brings Bobby a soda and asks if we want food. I'm feeling a little yucky now because all the weight in my belly (ie babies) are re-adjusting as I stand up, so I pass on the food. Idiot! Had I known we would be there for 3 more hours I would have not passed on the food.

We wait for an eternity and finally my blood is drawn. I'm irritated and just want to go home. Bobby is giddy at all the babies being born and keeps walking in the hallway like a looky-loo so he can hear them and possibly see some of them. It was kind of like a practice run for labor I suppose.

Anyway, we wait another hour and finally my Doctor comes in with a nurse. (she had just finished delivering 3 babies, so I didn't feel right about telling her how long we were waiting - that would just seem insensitive I think).

-K, this paragraph might have a little TMI - read only if you like knowing way too much about me.
So turns out I don't have pre-e...yet. It could develop. And they want me to do a 24 hour urine test. I am given a hat (this plastic thing that goes in the toilet for collection) and a jug. I'm to collect every drop of urine for the next 24 hours, pour into jug, keep cool and take back to them exactly 24 hours later. Eeeewww, but do-able.

I'm happy that I don't have pre-e. My Doc says that they are just classifying it as pregnancy induced hypertension for now and will know more after my 24 hour urine test. I feel ok with this. BUT, she wants me to have these 2 shots of steriods that will help develop the babies' lungs in case they have to deliver me within the next week or so. Well, that's not re-assuring at all. I get the shot and it hurts like a mo-fo. We joked that Bobby should give it to me and I kind of wish he had because the nurse showed no mercy and I know from experience there is a gentler way to do it.

Here I am thinking we dodged a bullet, and then my Dr. says the words I do not want to hear. She knows I don't want to hear them and warns me they are coming....REST AT HOME. YOU ARE DONE WORKING!
Hmmm.. so just to clarify, am I on bedrest? No...we're calling it home rest (which is nice way of saying modified bedrest). I have to stay home, rest/relax. I am allowed to sit in a chair, but also need to lay down on the couch or bed from time to time. I can shower, make lunch, but cannot do laundry or really any cleaning of any kind. I am allowed to take a trip or two out of my house weekly, mostly to Dr. appts, but that's about it. I really thought I would make it through without bedrest, and I know it could be a lot worse, so I am choosing to stay with the name "home rest" and I will fight you to the death if you insist that I am indeed on bedrest. Let me live in my denial a bit longer.

I then ask about a million questions about working and am told in specific terms that I am absolutely done going into to work. I can work on my computer but with lots of breaks (at my house, not office). I asked if that was going to start right then or if we were waiting on more test results and she laughed and said it was starting right then. No more working at my office. Ok. Got it.

She told me that I really need to take this seriously because if we can control my high blood pressure with rest, that would be the best solution (I should mention she tends to be overly cautious, which is good because all of her twin mommies have made it really far in their pregnancies). And she mentioned that I could choose not to take it seriously and end up in the hospital on full bed rest. Nope, that's not ok with me. I will be following Dr.'s orders. She informs me that if the babies need delievered before 36 weeks, they will transfer me to Spokane. That also is not ok with me. I think at this point I was scared enough to follow instructions to the T.

She then says that she is sending in an internalist to check on my shortness of breath. So we wait....for another hour! Finally the internalist comes in. She said things looked pretty good, but there is a chance that the fluid from my ankles is going into my lungs when I lay down and then overflowing and dilating my heart or something like that...I am now like 9 hours without food and really tired. Apparently this is not a good thing to be happening, but isn't very common either. She decided I would need an echocardiogram to rule that out. I am scheduled for that at 3pm today and then I have to go back at 8pm to drop off my sample and get my second steriod shot. Fun day for me.

I will post any news as it comes about, wether it's a week from now or tomorrow. I have NST's on Monday and Thursday, a Dr. appt on Wed (I'm going weekly now...maybe twice weekly if things continue to go downhill) and an ultrasound on Thursday morning.

I am grateful that the issues are with me and not the babies, but just hope resting at home is enough to make them stay put for at least 3 more weeks.

Sorry for the long post. Check back often for updates...it appears I may have a little time on my hands :-)

Finally, finally finished with the babies' room....well mostly

2010-01-18T15:36:00.000-08:00

Sorry I've been a bit absent. I think I was in a blogging rut this past week. My life has sort of been a bit "ground-hog day-ish" and I didn't feel I had anything to write about that would interest anyone.

You know what I mean...went to both NST's and they were fine. Well, technically during my first one, I had 2 contractions. But I didn't feel these contractions (they had to tell me that I had them) and said that they were very little and that they pretty much weren't going to count them as "real" contractions. Then the next NST...nothing. Everything went smooth.

My carpal tunnel is getting better - it only bothers me on some days, not every day. Heartburn is gone...kaput...went away. I thought this was because it was just a phase so I stopped taking my prescribed meds and the Zan.tac and it came back with a vengeance, so as long as I keep up with the heartburn/reflux meds, I am a-ok.

I am growing by the minute. Have you every had a plant that you could watch and you would swear that as you were watching it, it was growing before your very eyes? Well, that plant is me. And when you grow as fast as I do, people start to think you are about to go into labor at any moment, thus treating you like you are a time bomb just waiting to go off. A little annoying actually. I mean, I love that people care...but I still have some time to cook these little babes, and it feels like everyone around me is on high alert.

Let's see...anything new? Oh....I have had this weird craving for icy things. Mostly like really icy fruit smoothies. Not the thick as a milkshake kind, but more of the kind that tastes like a summer slushy (or something similar to an Oran.ge Ju.lius). And if I can't find a yogurt smoothie to this specification, a good old fashioned glass of crushed ice does the trick. I am constantly munching on ice...I need it, like peanut butter needs jelly. Is it a weird craving? Most likely, but it hits the spot.

I am outgrowing my maternity clothes. The pants all fit fine but my shirts are getting pretty short. My belly hangs out the bottom - classy. But I am close to the end that I don't want to buy more tops, so I put a tank underneath or the belly band. It doesn't look exactly great, but for the shorter shirts, it is a must. Also, I am pooped. Like really, really tired. I wake up feeling great...energized even. But once the clock hits 1pm, it is all down hill. I have to limit the trips up and down the stairs in our house, because it wears me out too much and the next day I literally won't be able to walk if I take too many trips. The belly is a lot to carry around!

Anywho, this past weekend my parents made the trek up to our house to help us get things ready. Bobby and my dad built shelves and stuff for the babies' closet and put together the cribs and then I made everyone rearrange the babies' room no less than 30 times before I finally found I way that I liked it set up - something I am certain would not have been permitted if I weren't pregnant with these little girls....I'm milking it while I can :-)

My mom and I washed all the babies clothes, blankets, etc and organized all the little baby items. Then my mom painted some super cute flowers on the walls to match the bedding. It looks great (there are pics at the bottom of the blog). It was so nice to have the help and I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders now that the babies have a place to come home to.

That's about it....the weekend was very busy and I spent most of today napping because I think it wore me it. Oh, but on a funny side note...we went to Appl.ebe.es for dinner and the hostess went to seat us at this booth. I looked at the booth and thought, no way will I fit in there, and sure enough, the belly would not fit. Awesome. I mean, what I self esteem booster, really.

I asked her if we could sit somewhere else because I wouldn't fit in the booth and she looked at me like I had just asked her for her first born. I then demonstrated just how much I wouldn't fit and she went to "see what she could do". (Meanwhile, my family is getting a big kick out of the massive belly not being able to be shoved into this tiny booth)She came back and seated us in a corner booth that was much roomier. It was a little embarrassing, but c'mon, look at my belly - why on earth would you try to squeeze us into your smallest booth? sheeeeesh!

This week is busy, busy. I have an NST on Tuesday and Friday and my regular Dr. appt on Thursday. Here's hoping everything keeps going well! I've added some pics this time. A few of the babies' room and then one of the belly. I know I look really hot in my belly picture..no make-up, I had just woken up...pretty much in desperate need of a shower, and I am glad I get to share it with all of you :-)

Burning, burning, burning...

2010-01-06T20:23:00.000-08:00

...that is what is happening in my body right now. An intense burning/reflux situation that seriously needs to get under control before I completely lose my mind. We're not talking about a little heartburn here people. We are talking about a full on attack on my body. It's like there are little warrior men in my esophagus with tiny bows and arrows...only the arrows aren't just arrows, they have fireballs on the end and are being shot all up and down my insides from my stomach to my throat.

I'm currently taking Za.ntac for this horrendous pain, but since that wasn't even making a dent, my Dr. prescribed another little something that should help. I say should because I took it about 20 minutes ago and it has yet to make it's sanity saving debut. I want to cry...

On to other things...I had my ultrasound and appointment today. My ultrasound went great. Sadly I didn't get to see little faces again - there is no room in there and I think the days of seeing my little babes profiles are long gone. I did get to see both of their bellies and it was amazing because they are now breathing. There was something so awe-inspiring about watching those little bellies move in and out...I could have stared at it all day.

The girls are measuring really good. Lefty is at 31 weeks and 1 day (which is exactly what I am today). She weighs 3 lbs 9 oz. Righty is at 32 weeks and 2 days (hubba hubba) and she weighs 4 lbs and 4 oz. It appears they are snuggled up together pretty closely and it also looks like Righty might turn out to be Baby A because she is making a serious run for the finish line. The Dr. honestly doesn't know which will decide to come out first. There was a little concern because Righty has such a large tummy. Not a concern about her being healthy, more of a concern of whether or not she will come out very easily. The C-section talk was brought up and I discussed it with my Dr. She told me that we can try for a "natural" birth, but just wanted me to know all the scenarios that would cause us to have to have a c-section (and there are a lot!). I felt good after our conversation because I know she understands how important NOT having a c-section is to me. Oh and both girls are still head down, so that's in my favor.

All in all, things are looking good. Cervix is long and closed, no pre-term contractions, still feeling pretty good. I had to laugh because when she measured my uterus I asked how big it was and she told me I am measuring at 42 weeks. Mmmm-K...for those of you a little slow at the math, that would be the same as someone carrying 1 baby who is 2 weeks past their due date. I suddenly felt very validated for how tired I have been lately. Because between the roughly 8 lbs of baby I am carrying and my uterus measuring at the whopping 42 weeks, I would say I have a right to be a wee bit tired from time to time.

I asked when I would start my weekly appointments and she told me as long as nothing comes up, I won't start those until 35 weeks. I thought oh, ok...but then later I was thinking about it and that's only 1 month away. Wow time is flying by really fast now.

Let's see...what else? I have mastered the prego waddle. I'm not sure when it happened, but there is definitely a waddle there. I am starting to embrace my stretch marks. They are popping up all over my lower belly. And I'm assuming it won't be long till they show up above my belly button because my skin is really sensitive and feels like it literally can't stretch anymore. I will post another belly picture next week (at 32 weeks). Bobby says I am growing by the hour. I still don't think I look that big, but I guess I am just getting used to it.

Non-stress test tomorrow. These are going great. No contractions and now I no longer have to push the little game show button, so I have been getting some good naps. I don't mind these little tests as much as I thought I would in the beginning. The front desk person knows me now and has all my registration stuff ready, so all I have to do when I get there is sign a piece of paper and get my wristband. Plus I am getting to know all of the nursing staff which I think will be beneficial when I actually have these babies because by then, they should all know me.

Any tips on heartburn/reflux reduction, staying comfortable when you are HUGE, getting rid of cankles, or really any other advice is more than welcome. I would love for these last weeks to be as great as possible and I am willing to learn from what others have to say :-)

Till next week (when I will be 32 weeks - WOW!).....

Holidays

2009-12-30T11:43:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone! I know I'm a little late posting an update, but we've been visiting family in Boise for the past week and for some reason every time I am down here, it is like a time vacuum. I totally lose track of time.

Anywho, I am now 30 weeks. Still growing like crazy. The girls have been moving a ton and I love trying to imagine what the heck is going on in there.

To catch you up a little bit...My glucose test came back A-Ok, which means I do not have to do the much longer extended test. Yay! I had my Dr. appt last week (on the 23rd) and it was a pretty quick little meeting. Mostly just to check in. I was prescribed the splint for my right hand due to pregnancy carpal tunnel. Unfortunately the place I had to get it from was closed and would be for the holidays so I was unable to get it before we left for Boise. Boo to that. Otherwise my appointment went smoothly. I am doing really good. My weight gain is right on target, the girl's hear beats were strong (no ultrasound this time, just a Doppler), and all in all I am a textbook healthy pregnant person.

I did mention that I had a few braxton hicks contractions (or at least what I thought were bh contractions) but I wasn't sure because my whole belly didn't get hard. And also that I had a little pressure down in my pelvic area. This caused my Dr to make a face that I was certain does not indicate anything good was about to come out of her mouth. And I was right. "When are you leaving for the holidays?" she asked. "First thing in the morning." I replied, although it came out as more of a question than a statement.

She told me that she wanted me to run over to the hospital after I left her office for a non-stress test, just in case. Um...just in case what? She assured me it was no big deal but before she sent me off on a 6 hour drive, she wanted to be positively sure that I was not having pre-term labor. Well, that sounded reasonable, so off to the hospital I went for my first NST.

When I got there, I had to register. Which, I found out, is something I have to do every single time. This is going to be a pain in my ass because I have to start doing these twice a week. Can't they give me an "unlimited rides" wrist band or something? Ugh. I am impatient and the registering is annoying to me. But anyway, about my test. They hooked up a heart rate monitor to each baby (on my belly) and then another monitor to watch for contractions. Then they handed me this handheld button thingy and I was told to push the button every time I felt the babies move. I kind of felt like I was on a game show and it was fun at first, but the test took a full hour and it was about 75 degrees in the room, I was laying down and had a very long day. It took all I had to stay awake that last half hour. When I mentioned this to the nurse at the very end, she said, "oh, honey...you could have taken a little nap - lots of women do". Well, thanks for telling me now. I thought this button pushing thing was super important - had I known I could have napped, I would have fallen asleep in the first five minutes. Grrr.... The good news is I didn't have any contractions and the babies were fine. I was given the green light to proceed with my trip.

I am finding that the third trimester is a bit different than the second. I still feel really good, but I am getting tired really easily. And sleep is something I fear I will never have again. It is quite a task to roll over at night and frankly sometimes it hurts from all the weight and round ligament pain. Plus, when once everyone used to ask me "how are you feeling?", now I am constantly asked if I'm "ready to be done yet". I guess pregnant people get to a point where they just want to be done. I'm not saying that won't happen to me, but I'm really sad that this went by so fast and even the uncomfortableness I feel off and on still doesn't make me want to be done. Keep in mind, I am measuring at 35/36 weeks - so it is possible closer to the end I will be "ready to be done", but for now I'm still enjoying this wonderful journey.

Ok, that's about all from this last week. I have a NST this Friday (New Year's Day) and then the next week I'll have 2 more, an ultrasound and a Dr. appointment (the u/s and appt are on the 6th, so I will update after that).

Oh, and I almost forgot - Go Vandals! They are playing in the Humanitarian Bowl today and while I am cheering my heart out for them, I decided to do it from the comfort of my parent's house while Bobby, my sister, and my dad are braving the cold. 7 and 1/2 months pregnant, hard cold bleachers for hours....no thanks.

And finally I will leave you with this: a picture of myself with my sister-in-law Jodi. She is due exactly 1 month after me (with a girl!). Can anyone tell a difference in our belly size?

3rd Trimester!

2009-12-16T19:49:00.001-08:00

Wow - 28 weeks...the start of the third trimester and I am still amazed that I am pregnant. The actuality that these little girls are going to be a part of our lives very soon, has started to hit me and I am getting excited to see what they look like, what their personalities are like and how they add to our family. I am also a little sad. The third trimester is sort of a "land of the unknown". Basically, anything can happen at anytime. I'm not guaranteed 3 more months of pregnancy bliss and the fact that this blessed journey is nearing it's end, is a little sad.

Anywho, I still have not heard back about my glucose test. I'm assuming no news is good news because if there was a problem wouldn't they have gotten back to me right away? On the off chance that I slipped through the cracks, I will be calling my Dr.'s office tomorrow just to double check. My RH shot went about the same as last time. It didn't really hurt and I feel good knowing my babies are protected from any of those bad antibodies.

This week hasn't been too eventful. I do have to say that I woke up the other day and all that wonderful energy I have been having was gone. wooooosh. Just.like.that. It was like someone let some of the air out of my tires. I still feel really good, I just seem to be a little more tired than I have been lately. I'm keeping up on my lunchtime naps/rests which do seem to help, but I think these babies are doing a lot of growing in a limited amount of space.

I must mention that I have the most fabulous husband ever! It snowed earlier this week and when I went to take my son to the neighbor lady that lives 3 doors down (she watches him and does preschool), I discovered, in our winter wonderland, that a nice path had been plowed from our driveway to her front step. There was simply no snow...nothing to tromp through, or slip on. Bobby had left early and cleared the way for me. So sweet.

I decided it was finally time to get items for the babies' room. So I ordered the bedding and a second crib that isn't an exact match to the one we used for Connor but is pretty darn close. It feels like a big relief every time I get something like that done. I can't wait for everything to get here so we can put their room together. It will be so nice to have a little organization because right now it looks like a big pink clothing and what-not bomb went off in their room.

I'm still experiencing carpal tunnel - yuck. But the round ligament pain is now only bad at nighttime when I do my nightly dance of trying to roll from one side to another, get all situated with pillows, only to discover I have to get up and go to the bathroom. Oh, yeah. I don't think I've mentioned that yet. I have to go to the bathroom about a gazillion times a day/night. It seems like every time I move even a little, I have to use the bathroom. I've actually had to stop on my way to work (my commute is 40 minutes) because I simply couldn't wait. And the most annoying part is...when I finally do go, it's like nothing. I mean a teeny tiny bit. And I'm all, "that's it? are you kidding me". And I'll walk back to my desk only to discover that I kind of have to go again.

So let's talk about: The belly. This thing is starting to have a life of it's own. I can't seem to get the hang of it...and by that I mean, I seriously underestimate how big it is. I've knocked a glass off the table just by walking past. I am constantly opening doors into it. And God bless Connor, because I can't even count how many times I have turned around suddenly only to discover he was standing right next to me, but in my sudden turn, the belly knocked him down. We all have a good laugh about it, but I can't imagine the destruction it will cause as it gets bigger (LOL).

And while we're on a belly topic, I did want to mention that my saucer belly button...the one that in the beginning of my pregnancy I was concerned would always be this huge saucer looking thing under my shirt, is now taking on a different form. The saucer disappeared quite awhile ago, and now we are starting to enter turkey-timer territory. I didn't think it would happen to me, and I'm still not fully convinced that my belly button will "pop" out, but it is getting sneakingly close to happening. The edges have started to turn out, and I joke you not...if I laugh or cough, it pokes out and then goes right back. This thoroughly grosses Bobby out and fascinates Connor.

Ok I'll touch on just one more thing before I utterly bore you all to death. I am happy to report that my weight gain is still holding steady. I am not opposed to gaining the required weight, in fact I think of it as my way of helping these babies grow and be born healthy. I just wish that the majority of the weight I gain would not be in my face. I mean seriously, I have so many chins right now, I can't even count them. And my face always looks a little bloated - even my eyelids look kind of chunky. I was talking with a friend who is pregnant and she said she has gained all her weight in her hips and thighs, so maybe everyone's body just distributes it differently...but I can positively say that I will not be sad to see these chins go away. For now, I guess I have to accept them as a part of this pregnancy...maybe not happily accept them, but accept them none-the-less.

Sorry I don't have any ultrasound pictures to post. I just couldn't get a good scan of the one picture I got of Baby B. But to appease those of you who were counting on a little visual fun, I have included 2 pictures of my 28 week belly; and yes one of them is a bare belly shot, because I got a lot of emails about the one I posted before. You people really love to see how much I can stretch out don'tcha?

Sneaky little stretch mark...

2009-12-10T20:02:00.000-08:00

Well, I have one. A stretch mark, that is. It is tiny and isn't the bright red that I expected. Actually it looks more like a shadow and more than once when trying to find it, it's taken me a minute to see it, so it's not too bad. But it's there. I know it's there and surprisingly I am not too upset about it. I knew this was very likely to happen. I don't know anyone who had twins and walked away completely stretch mark free. But still....it would have been nice to have been that person :-)

I am 27 weeks and 2 days today. Woo hoo! I had my ultrasound this morning and then my regular Dr. appt this afternoon. The girls are looking great. I have one picture of Righty, and I will try to post that this weekend. Sadly I only have a picture of Lefty's foot. You see Lefty wasn't really cooperative and when it appeared she would be cooperative Righty stole the spotlight by planting her big ol noggin in the way. Quite frankly, the ultrasound at this point is a little of a let down. The girls are so big that it's not cute profile pictures that appear on the screen. Instead, there are arms and legs, half a nose, somebody's eye with a foot blocking the rest of the face, etc. It's kind of humorous, but not really the "great" view that I thought we would get.

OK, so let's do stats on these bambinos...Lefty is definitely Baby A. She will be the first to be delivered because she has moved down a little bit. I'm not sure if this is a good thing because her head appears quite a bit larger than Righty's. The ultrasound lady said it was good because delivering Righty will be a breeze. Anywho, Lefty measures at 28 weeks and weighs 2 lbs 8 oz. Awesome! Her heart rate was 147 and her heart, bladder, kidneys, etc all are exactly on target.

Righty is doing really well also. She measures in at 27 weeks 5 days and weighs 2 lbs 7 oz. Her heart rate was 153. She is a little smaller but both babies are measuring so great that it doesn't matter that she's a tiny bit smaller than her sister.

At my appt. I was able to ask a bunch of questions which (lucky for you) you will all get to know the answers to.
- My hands are tingly and fall asleep at night when I'm in bed. This apparently is carpal tunnel. Very common amongst us pregos and if it is bothersome, I can be prescribed a wrist splint to wear. I opted not to do that right now because it's not too bothersome, but reserve the right to change my mind.

- Heart Burn and what is now also reflux. Looks like Zantax (sp?) will be my new best friend. Safe to take and does a much better job than tums.

- Round Ligament pain. Too bad, so sad for me. This is a grin and bear it type of thing.

- How long can I work? As long as I feel up to it, or if I have complications, we will have to revisit this topic.

- There are no sidewalks and my office bldg is in the middle of campus. If the weather turns bad and the roads icy can I get a disability permit. You betcha! I can get one whenever I want.

Other things I learned at my appt: I was given the orangey sugar drink and will need to do my glucose test sometime next week. I will also need to get my 2nd RH shot next week. (this is because my first one was so early that I need another one). I will now start going to appts every 2 weeks, but because the babies and I are so awesome the ultrasounds will still be every month unless I encounter complications. The week after Christmas I will start my NST (non stress tests). These are twice a week for 20 - 40 minutes each time. This seems kind of excessive, but better safe than sorry I say.

Let's see, what else? Oh yes...I almost forgot this little nugget...my uterus is freakin huge! That's right people, huge! I am measuring at 34 to 35 weeks. Um, k. That's kind of a lot I think. My dr. assures me that is normal for pregos with twins, but it kind of caused me a little stress because if my body thinks that I am 34 weeks pregnant does that mean it will try to go in to labor early? Scary? Yes.

On a good note, I am on the low end of weight gain - in the range, but the low end none-the-less. It's the small things that make me happy :-)

All in all, still pretty uneventful. I am supposed to be on watch for any kind of contractions. I've had a few Braxton Hicks here and there, but now is the time where these things could be a serious problem. I feel like we're starting to get into the thick of things. I was also told that I can kiss my March 9th due date bye bye. They don't let twin pregos go to 40 weeks, so if it looks like I will make it, they will schedule me to be induced at 38 weeks. That's right around February 24th. So, I now consider that my due date goal. Gotta make it to Feb. 24th!

My next appt is on December 23rd. Then we are headed to Boise for Christmas - yay! I will update next week when I will officially be in my 3rd trimester - WOW! And I will also have the details from my glucose test - riveting, I know. Here's hoping this pregnancy continues to sail along and these babies grow, grow, grow.

Till next time.....

Baby Shower, Thanksgiving and 26 weeks!

2009-12-01T18:17:00.000-08:00

Well, it has been a whirlwind these past couple weeks. We went to Boise for some family time before Thanksgiving, and while we were there I went to the Baby shower that was thrown for me by a very dear friend. It was a great time all around - I was able to catch up with old friends and the babies scored some mighty fine stuff :-) I will try to post pics soon, Blogger has not been cooperating with me lately.

After my wonderful baby shower, we headed up to our condo to spend the Holiday week. This was heaven. We played board games, cards and went swimming in the indoor pool. I loved the swimming - I forgot how light I could feel without this big 'ol belly. The sad part was when I had to get out of the pool...I felt like my feet were stuck in cement! If only pregos could feel weightless (as if in a pool) during the whole 9 months....ahhhhh, that would be great!

I am 26 weeks along and am so looking forward to my appointment next week. I have a bunch of things to mention to my Dr. It seems the further along I get, the more little things I am noticing. Like, for the past 2 days, I have hella-massive heartburn. Ouch! And I've noticed my hands swelling and falling asleep/getting tingly lately, which is pretty much no fun. And finally I am still getting the horrible round ligament pain. I know there is nothing that can be done for the round ligament stuff, but man it hurts like a mo-fo. The only good part about it is that it lets me know these girls are growing...this past week when I had the pain, I measured my belly and sure enough, I had grown about 1 in and 1/2 in a week! I did sign up for a prenatal swim class and was super excited to start today, but when I got there I learned it had been cancelled because I was the only one signed up for this session - boo to that. I am vastly disappointed. The instructor told me I could join a regular swim excersice class, and I might (I need to do something to help with lower back pain and round ligament pain) but the thought of being in a class with a bunch of old ladies isn't all that appealing to me. So, I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet.

But for the minor complaints I have, there is also a lot of good stuff to report. I have been able to feel these little ones move a lot more, and now Bobby can feel them too - which is pretty much awesome! I still feel really good as far as energy and doing things...I haven't had any bouts of preterm labor (which the dr. said was common after 24 weeks with twins), and my weight gain is holding steady (yay!).

We were talking the other night and it occurred to us that if these babies decide to come around 36 weeks instead of 40, then we only have 10 weeks...that's 2 and a half months for those of you who are slow with math like mwah. That kind of freaks me out a little. There still seems like so much to do before they get here, and so very little time. We haven't even picked out names for crying out loud!

Anywho, I will continue with my little freak out...and will post again next week after my appointment on Thursday, December 10th.

Till then......

I think I might be the world's biggest hypocrite

2009-11-18T19:12:00.000-08:00

Yep - I'm pretty sure you could call me a hypocrite and I couldn't argue with you. It comes to little things about this pregnancy really. I used to hate seeing pregnant women with their bellies taunting me, saying "I'm pregnant and most likely you never will be"....but somewhere along the way, I became one of those women. I don't taunt other infertiles; in fact I really do try to be conscious of what I say and how I act because I know that there are so many women out there who are having a hard time getting pregnant. But still...I find myself wearing snug shirts that show my belly in all it's wonderful glory...like "look at me world. Yes. I. am. pregnant!"

I've caught myself rubbing my belly in all kinds of places: the grocery store line, the waiting room of the doctors office, sitting at my desk at work, etc. I will gladly gush to whomever wants to ask me about my pregnancy, that I am pregnant with twin girls, that I feel great and everything is going wonderfully...that I love, love, love being pregnant. I have even agreed to having a baby shower (an event that I used to not participate in because frankly, it was too painful) and I'm actually getting super excited for it.

Hypocrite. Yep, that's me. At least I can admit and embrace it.

Anywho, I am currently at 24 weeks. This past week has had some belly growth, a little over an inch and the round ligament pain to accompany it. I registered for my prenatal swim class today. The actual class starts in December. Am I looking forward to getting into a bathing suit...um, that would be a "no". But I am looking forward to feeling weightless and getting a little exercise. I have heard this will help with all my little complaints, like backache, leg cramps at night, and round ligament pain. So bring on the stylish maternity swimwear.

Not too much to report this week, I'm sorry to say. I guess I'm just a boring pregnant person. Everyone is always asking how I am feeling. That must be the standard question for pregnant people. And when I reply that I am feeling great, I always get this look like "oh, really. You should be feeling horrible". Why is that? Is it really that surprising that I still feel good? I know it is getting close to the time that I should be feeling uncomfortable and I'm told this will most likely happen literally overnight...but so far, if anyone's asking, I'm feeling fabulous :-)

Here's my 24 week picture - I thought I would give you a real belly shot. I must be brave to show you all my bare belly, but it was kind of hard to see with the shirt I was wearing and what the heck...you've all heard my talk about my uterus so much that showing you my bare belly is nothing! You'll have to excuse how I look...I had just gotten out of a very warm and relaxing bath, but I didn't want another week to go by without taking a picture. As always, if you want to see if bigger, just click on it.

Oh, I'm supposed to give a shout out to Bobby and Connor and to tell you all that they are awesome. (I think they wanted to be in the blog - LOL).

Ok, I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving. Because of the Holiday next week, I won't post until the Saturday after Thanksgiving, but I should have some fun pictures from my baby shower in Boise :-)

Till then....

Is there such a thing as pregnancy rage?

2009-11-13T20:34:00.000-08:00

Ok, maybe the title sounds bad...but I am sweet as pie until it comes to 2 things. First, driving. I have never been a road rage person. But I swear since becoming pregnant, either I get irritated at other drivers more easily or every other person on the road is a complete idiot. Secondly, football. I've always enjoyed football, but recently I feel as if the outcome of the game greatly affected my life in some meaningful way. Bobby has actually made me leave the room because I was yelling inappropriate things at the TV and I believe he said something like "Jennifer...you are the mother of my children. I can't hear things like that coming out of your mouth". Yeah, OK. I might have used a few choice words. Sure. Alright. When I'm driving, MAYBE I get a little angry when someone cuts me off and I feel the need to speed up and cut them off. It's the hormones right?

Anywho, I had my monthly appointment and scan today. (I am 23 weeks and 3 days for those of you keeping track). The ultrasound went awesome. I got to see my girls and they look wonderful. It makes my day to see them. I mean, it literally has me smiling all day when I get to have a peek into their world. Today was a little difficult to see faces because they were wiggling everywhere. It looked like an octopus was in my uterus; all arms and legs, feet and hands. It was pretty funny. I didn't get any good pictures because they were moving so much. It was weird because the whole time they were moving, I only felt them once...and the ultrasound tech felt it too, it was a definite thud of some sort, but with all the arms and legs, we couldn't tell if it was a punch or a kick.

The girls are measuring wonderfully. Lefty is at 23 weeks and 1 day, heart rate at 154 and weighing in at 1 pound 5 oz. Righty is at 23 weeks 2 days, heart rate at 153 and weighing in at 1 pound 5 oz. The doctor said they are doing really great because not only are they measuring right on track, but they are measuring the same, which for twins is good because things can get dicey when one starts getting a lot bigger than the other.

The appointment was kind of blah. Nothing really new to report. I asked about the horrendous pain in my left rib and he said that because I am short waisted with twins, my ribs are doing some stretching/separating to make room for them. Pretty much, there is nothing I can do about it. I also asked about the fact that I just don't feel these babies move very much (although after a suggestion from my mom, I stayed up after I went to the bathroom in the middle of the night the other night, and sure enough they were moving like crazy...it seems I might have some night owls in there). He told me that the stronger they get, the more I will feel them and to just be patient. Let's see...other little tidbits...I was sent to the lab to get my blood drawn to make sure my iron levels are good - haven't heard back yet and my blood pressure is fabulous!

Oh and the good news is since the babies and I are doing so well I have one more month until I start my 2 week appointments. I mean, I guess that's good news...I should be happy that the pregnancy is going so smoothly and trust me, I am...it's just, well, I had it in my head that I would get to start going every 2 weeks. Which means I would see my girls every two weeks, and now I have to wait a whole month before I can see them again. Boo to that. But yay that every thing is going so well, so far. The Dr. did give me strict instructions to call if anything changes, specifically if I start to have contractions (and not just those nasty braxton hicks, but apparently the real deal could start any day now because that's a complication when you are having more than one - yikes). I told him I would call with any issues, but that I am truly not expecting anything eventful to happen :-)

I will update next Wednesday when I will be 24 weeks (woo hoo!) and hopefully I will have a belly pic to post. I can report that I have grown at least an inch every week - this belly is getting bigger every day :-)

Till next time.......

22 weeks

2009-11-04T13:56:00.000-08:00

You would think I could come up with a better heading than "22 weeks", you know...something catchy and clever - yet seriously I cannot.

I am having this weird brain thing going on lately. Or rather...I have no brain lately. Bobby likes to joke that the babies are taking all my brain power and will be the smartest babies ever if this continues; and whenever I say something kind of stupid, or forget my cellphone for the millionth time or can't remember a conversation that I just had with somebody, he'll simply look at me, shake his head and say, "smartest babies ever". (and what's especially funny is that even as I am writing this, I am thinking, "have I already written this" and for the life of me I can't remember).

Yep, people...I have a serious case of baby brain. I don't know what is wrong with me. I actually told my sister that if flights were expensive to Hawaii we could just drive there...Um What!?! As I said it, I knew it was wrong, and yet the words came tumbling out of my mouth anyway. Ah well, I'll chalk this up to one of those quirky pregnancy things - at least I can laugh at myself.

Things are going good with me and the babes. I had some massive round ligament pain that is finally starting to subside. I figured it was because the babies were having a growth spurt and sure enough, I measured the belly this morning and I've grown an inch this past week. I could really feel this growth spurt not just in the round ligaments, but also in my lower back and my ribs. Yuck! My body is definitely trying to accommodate these little ones, I just wish I had a little more room in there for them...the next couple months might start to get a tad uncomfortable. I took a warm bath last night and felt a million times better (plus let's face it, with a 3 year old, even the bathroom isn't a private space anymore, so I milked the fact that I needed quiet time in the bath and Bobby and Connor happily left me alone). My biggest complaint is sitting at work. I have been taking breaks and moving positions, but I can see that my work schedule might be adjusted the further along I get.

I've been having a few Braxton Hicks contractions here and there. They don't hurt and sometimes I don't even notice them, but they have been coming around when I need to drink more water or if I hightail it up the 5 flights of stairs to my office.

I have felt a little more sporadic movement. Mostly from Lefty, or right in the middle of my belly, which makes me think they are duking it out in there. And yesterday while I was taking my lunchtime siesta, I felt a little thud in my lower left abdomen. Then I felt it again and again. Little lefty was either kicking me or punching me, depending on how she is situated in there. It was neat to feel it, very light, but very cool. Righty is my quiet girl, not a lot of noise on her side of the duplex...Or I guess it could be that she is further back and I just can't feel her as well - this is pretty common with twins I am told.

I am still getting over my nasty cold. I feel fine, but sound a bit congested and have the mother of all coughs. Oh, and nobody tells you this...but when you are pregnant and you have to cough a million times during the day, you pee a little every time you are hacking away. TMI? Maybe. True? Oh, yes.

Connor is so excited about being a big brother. He is so sweet when it comes to the babies...he talks to my belly, kisses them, puts a pillow on my belly when I am laying down because they are tired too. Honestly it is the most precious thing I've ever seen. I hope he loves them this much when they are here and he has to share mommy and daddy - that could be interesting. We had a fun Halloween. Connor was so cute trick or treating and my sister and niece came up which made it all the more fun. I am still learning my limits with this pregnancy because I did a little more walking than I should have (my town is on a hill so there are no flat streets here). I finally had to say I couldn't do it anymore and we got the car... but by then it was too late. My lower back hurt so bad that I honestly felt like I couldn't walk at all. Note to self...don't do that again dummy!

I am so ready for my appointment next week - a month is much too long to go without seeing the girls and making sure they are a-ok. My appt is a week from this Friday so instead of posting mid-week, I will be posting on Friday the 13th.

Till then.....

21 weeks

2009-10-29T07:22:00.000-07:00

I was so good...I went and got my flu shot...I went and got my H1N1 shot...I diligently wash my hands, don't touch handrails or other really germy type things...and yet....I. still. got. sick.
No, not sick with the flu (thank goodness), but I do have a terrible, nasty cold. I went to the dr. for some relief and discovered I also had an ear infection (which they gave me some ammoxicillan), and... oh by the way, "since you're pregnant, there is nothing we can give you for your horrendous cold". Boo to that!

So I've been sort of under the weather all week, which makes enjoying pregnancy a little difficult. It makes even paying attention to the fact that I am pregnant a little difficult. I've been more or less sleeping and laying around, drinking oj, eating chicken noodle soup, taking Tylenol (the only safe thing for pregos) and hoping this cold runs it course quickly. I feel a little better today and decided to update for the week.

I haven't grown this past week...at all. No new inches around the belly, no weight gain. Could be because I am sick, but I suspect it has more to do with these babies finding that they can stretch out a little bit. According to my book, my uterus has expanded up which means the babies have more room. I've felt them a few times here and there, but still nothing prominent. This could be because these babies are just very quiet little girls (ha!) or that they are moving a lot at night when I am sleeping. I am suspecting the latter. It's still pretty cool when I do get to feel them, and am looking forward to the upcoming weeks when I should be feeling them a lot more and Bobby could possibly feel a kick or two here and there.

We have been playing the baby-name game and surprisingly have come up with several that we both agree on. I think we have one first name picked out...but still have to come up with a middle name and another first and middle name. I think we are kind of apprehensive to choose a name so early because knowing us, we will change our minds at the last minute. Connor has been contributing to the naming and would like us to consider Curly and Tooty-Fruity. We told him we would put them on the list :-)

I have been having the strangest dreams...mostly about the babies. Last night I had a really vivid dream about being in labor for 16 hours, only to discover the babies had to be delivered via c-section. (some underlying anxiety about a c-section perhaps?) When they were born, they each weighed over 7 lbs and one had black hair and the other had strawberry blond hair - both suspiciously had been cut into buzz cuts...hmmmmm. This is just the tip of the ice berg when it comes to my dreams about these babies. I was told that when you are pregnant, you have crazy dreams...and that has definitely held true. Bobby is probably getting tired of hearing me say, "Omigosh, my dream last night was so weird....".

That's about it for this week. Till next time.....

20 Weeks

2009-10-23T08:35:00.001-07:00

Sorry I didn't post earlier in the week - Blogger wouldn't let me upload pictures and I've been getting pestered from my family for some ultrasound pictures and I didn't dare post again without attaching those pics for fear of the anger I would undoubtedly hear from Southern Idaho :-)

Now let me be clear...I am not the kind of person who takes these pictures to work to show them around, nor do I even post them on my fridge so I can see Lefty and Righty on a regular basis, but this is a blog about IVF and pregnancy, so I feel this is an appropriate place to share pictures of the most beautiful little bambinos to ever grace an ultrasound picture (clearly, I may be a little biased). Oh, and I apologize for the quality of the pics, my scanner would not cooperate. Also, as always, you can click on the pic to make it bigger.

So here are the pics: (The first is a profile of Lefty sucking her thumb and the second is Lefty looking right at the camera)

The next ones are: Righty's profile - this one is kind of hard to see. Righty's head is on the left...See the line above her? Well that is the membrane sac line that separates the babies. If you look right above the line on the left, you will see Lefty's feet...they were kicking Righty in the head the whole time.

The next picture is Righty looking at the camera (look at the round little tummy - cute!), and the last one is both baby's heads and one of their bodies in between.

Ok, now that you have all seen "the girls" (as we've been calling them around our house), I will move on to other things.

Things are going really well. I am feeling great and haven't really had any problems to speak of. I am finding I have to eat a lot smaller meals...space is becoming more limited, but that hasn't stopped the weight gain so I know the girls are getting what they need. Sleeping is a lot better, but I now have to get up at least 2 times a night to use the bathroom. I never realized how little sleep you seem to get when you are pregnant. I always thought pregos were tired just from growing their little babies, but now I see that it has a lot more to do with the disrupted sleep at night than anything else.

We have been measuring my belly every week...I had been growing at a rate of about an inch and half per week, but last week I actually went down an inch. I think the babies must be moving around...I mean that inch is there somewhere but instead of showing "straight out" I think the girls are starting to explore the sides and possibly my ribs a little more.

My next appointment is on November 13th - it will be a scan and a Dr. visit. After that I think I will be going every 2 weeks. I did get my regular flu shot and my H1N1 shot. I have to say I was very apprehensive about the H1N1 shot, but I weighed all the options and decided to go ahead with it...I hope that was the right choice.

I am so relieved to finally be able to start purchasing stuff for these little ones. We've been talked into registering (something I really didn't think I would do) but it's actually kind of nice because if anything, it serves as a list of things we still need to buy. We're pretty practical people so everything we registered for is also pretty practical. We decided to go with Ba.bies R.Us and Tar.ge.t because they seem to have pretty much anything and everything for babies. My plan is to print my registry the next time I'm in Boise and do some serious shopping...I'm a woman on a mission :-)

We also decided on bedding for the girls - which is a huge help because now we can start decorating their room - Yay! Here's what we decided on:

These are from PB and super cute. I love that they can have the same bedding, but each one is a different color. I am so excited to see their room when it is all done...after all of the dinosaurs, sports, and trucks we've had in our house the last few years, I think we are all going to be a little shocked at the girlyness of the room (lol).

Well, that's about it for this week. Don't you love how exciting my life is (hee hee). I will update next week, and if my belly is looking bigger, I will post a picture.

Till then......

We're having......

2009-10-16T17:59:00.000-07:00

Yep...you're seeing it correctly....we are having 2 girls!!! Holy Moly! I think I'll say it again - Holy Moly!

So the final results on the poll were: 3 people thought boy/boy, 6 people thought girl/girl (and might I say you 6 must be geniuses!), and 20 people thought we were having boy/girl.

When we went in for our scan the ultrasound tech asked if we were going to want to know the sex of the babies and we were both like "yes, please!". So she started with the scan of Lefty, and then she just kind of non-chalantly said "looks like Baby A is a girl". Just. like. that. - plain as day. I mean, I wasn't expecting a drum roll or anything but hello this is one of the biggest moments in our lives, would you mind putting a little more excitement in your voice? I asked if she was sure, and she told me "oh yeah, this little one is not shy". Then she pointed out Lefty's rear end and how her legs were spread wide open. Ummm yep, definitely a girl....maybe not a lady, but definitely a girl. Wow! We're having a daughter. We were both all smiles.

She continued with the scan of Lefty (this took another 40 minutes or so) and then she moved on to Righty, aka Baby B. "Ok, are you ready to hear what Baby B is? (now, that's a little more like it...build the suspense a little - good job ultrasound tech). Then she told us that we were having another little princess...both babies were girls. I simply did not believe her and made her show me 3 different angles that showed that Righty was in fact a girl. I relayed a story about a friend who thought she was having a girl, but instead had a boy. She told me that I don't have to worry about that happening...we are positively having 2 girls. Holy Moly.

I looked over at Bobby...we were both speechless. I think this was a bigger shock than hearing we were having twins! I mean, not to seem stupid or anything, but I never considered that we were having 2 girls. Every scenario I envisioned was with 2 boys or a boy and a girl. I just always felt like at least one of them was a boy - shows what I know. We both just sat there and smiled. Connor is our big boy and now he'll have 2 sisters. What a perfect little family for us.

Both babies look awesome. There was nothing that indicated a problem on the anatomy scan. Lefty measures at 19 weeks 4 days (I am currently 19 weeks, 3 days) and she weighs 11 oz. Righty measures at 19 weeks 6 days and she weighs 12 oz. This is such great news because they are growing really well - I'm hoping they keep it up. We were given about a million pictures, but they are mostly of a foot here, a femur there...I do have one or two profiles, so I will pick the best ones and post next week sometime.

It was funny because Lefty was definitely the feisty one. She kept kicking Righty in the head, poor thing. Righty seems like she's a lot more subdued. They are still exactly side by side - looks like it will be a race to see who wants to come out first. And it's funny because that pigment line I have running down my tummy is basically on top of the membrane line that separates their sacs. That helps me to know where they are at. Lefty is head down right now and Righty is butt down. Lovely.

Bobby and I went to breakfast and were just kind of in awe at the news. We talked a little - didn't really discuss names, just talked more about how these little girls will fit into our lives. It made things a little more real, I think...but in a good way.

I went back for my monthly appointment. My dr. told me everything was looking really good. I didn't have a lot of questions, I basically just told her that every now and then my heart will race like crazy and she thinks it is just the extra blood supply going to the babies, but I need to take my heart rate next time and if it is more than 100 beats per minute, I'll have to wear a heart monitor for a little while to make sure everything is ok. No big deal, I guess this is really common. Then she told me that she thinks we can go one more month before I'll have to start being seen every two weeks, and that I will have an ultrasound every time I go in. I asked what I can expect in this next month and she told me that I will most likely start having braxton hicks contractions. She told me what to watch for and if I experience more than 4 or 5 in an hour, I will need to go to the hospital to be monitored. That doesn't sound like much fun, but she made is seem like it is something that happens regularly.

This afternoon, I went shopping for little girl things. I think I must have gotten overwhelmed, because I didn't go crazy shopping like I expected. Maybe I'm not used to all that pink. I did buy some onesies, socks, and a couple of outfits but decided I needed to take stock of what we have at home and then make a list before I go back out.

To be honest I think this day just wore me out. I am excited, exhausted, and overall just really happy - a full day indeed.

I'm so happy to share my news with all of you and will be back to my regular weekly posts this week, when I will be a whopping 20 weeks! WOW!

Till then....

19 weeks!

2009-10-14T09:24:00.000-07:00

I am now 19 weeks pregnant and cannot believe how fast time is going by. I am just really loving being pregnant - sometimes when I make comments about how fast my belly is growing (very fast, btw), or I talk about different twinges I feel, how it is getting harder to breathe, etc. I know it may sound like minor complaints...but the reality is I am just in awe of what is happening to my body. I love every part so far, even the stuff that doesn't sound that great....yep, I love those moments too. I always knew that if I ever got this opportunity I would really appreciate every moment. And knowing that this is the only time I will be pregnant makes me appreciate it even more.

Not too much has changed in this past week besides some belly growing. I forgot to measure this morning, but if I had to bet, I would say I am at least another inch bigger. I will measure before I post on Friday so I can give a little update on that.

Which brings me to my favorite topic....Friday! Woo hoo...the day is almost here. We are about to find out what gender these little ones are and I am dying to know. I realize I must seem a little overexcited about this event. I mean, I know people get excited to find out, but I seriously can't concentrate on anything else...the waiting is torture. And I think the reason for this is for the past 6 and a half (nearly 7) years we have had A LOT of medical intervention trying to get pregnant. Finding out the gender feels like the first time we have let nature take it's course. It's the first time on this long journey to pregnancy that we haven't (or rather, the dr.'s haven't) had a hand in the outcome. It just is what it is....and for some reason, to me, that's phenomenal. Something so simple, that other people may just take for granted feels like this huge milestone that we have achieved. So maybe that's why I am feeling this immense amount of anticipation for Friday's ultrasound.

Regardless of the reason, I am stoked! And since I've been building up to this moment for several weeks now, I am sure some of you are starting to get curious as well. So here's the plan for Friday. I have to drink my 32 ounces of water at 6am. My anatomy scan ultrasound starts at 7am and is scheduled to last until 9 or 9:30, depending on the cooperation of the little bambinos. Then Bobby and I are going to go to breakfast and talk endlessly about how awesome said little bambinos are and will most likely start the great debate of 2009, otherwise known as the beginning of baby naming.

I have my regular monthly appointment at 10:30. This is most likely just a mtg for me to ask questions and let my doc know how I am feeling since I will have just had a 2 hour ultrasound, I am going to say that they won't be doing an ultrasound at this appt. (lol!) This appt. will also help to determine if I will start being seen every 2 weeks or if I am just doing so great that they can wait another month to see me (I'm thinking the latter, because frankly I feel pretty awesome).

After my appointment, I am going to meet my mother in law for some lunch and baby shopping (finally!!!). So looking forward to that! However, let's keep in mind that if these little babies are shy, we might not get to find out what the genders are or maybe will only find out for one of them, in which case I will spend the whole day completely annoyed at their utter lack of cooperation and will blame Bobby's genes for the stubbornness that they are showing.

Anywho, I will post on my blog Friday night (I know, my life is so exciting that posting on my blog is actually the big plans I have for Friday night). So anyone that is interested in knowing, can check on Friday night or sometime over the weekend :-)

Till next time.....

*If you haven't voted in the "What are we having" poll, you only have one more day and then the polls are closed. I will post the final votes on my Friday night blog.

Where did my feet go?

2009-10-07T08:09:00.000-07:00

Yep, you heard me right...I can no longer see my feet when looking straight down. I was able to glimpse my toes off and on this past week, but alas it seems that the "toe peek" has gone to the wayside since my ever growing belly now fully blocks my view.

It makes me laugh to watch this thing just grow and grow. I seriously am amazed at how quickly it is getting bigger. 2 weeks ago it grew 2 inches, and this past week it grew 1 inch. Maybe that doesn't sound like much, but we're talking about 1 inch in 7 days people! Holy Moly!

I do believe I felt baby movement last week. I was sitting in the car waiting on someone and suddenly I felt a little "blip blip" on Lefty's side. I sat really still and thought "ok, I know that was the baby"....and then, a little bit higher and a little bit lighter, I felt it again. It was really cool but sadly Righty did not join in on the action and I haven't felt anything since. (I also haven't really sat down for a spare minute since then either). I was assured by a good friend that when she was pregnant, she felt something and then it was about a week later before she felt something again, so maybe this is normal.

I have been having really vivid dreams about what gender the babies will be. Before you get all excited about "mother's intuition", I should tell you that every night it is a different combination of boy/girl, girl/girl boy/boy, so I really have no clue. Although, weird thing, twice in these dreams it has ended with me falling asleep during the ultrasound so Bobby knew what the babies were and I didn't and for some reason he refused to tell me. What do you think that means?

I have been getting lots of good advice from friends that are pregnant (or have been pregnant) and I have 2 people that are giving me great twin advice. The twin advice is much appreciated because carrying two babies is a lot different than carrying one, I am learning. And every now and then I catch myself comparing my pregnancy to someone that has had one baby and how different certain things are and then I have to remind myself that of course things will be different, I am growing 2 people. There are bound to be some major differences.

Oh, and I am losing my mind. Yep, I thought I would save this little tidbit for last. I have to admit...before becoming pregnant I laughed at the thought of "baby brain". I really thought this was something that pregnant women used as an excuse to be flighty and forgetful, all the while being like "oh, silly me...where has my head gone? Must be that baby brain...ha ha ha ha".

Well, my mocking was completely unwarranted, because somewhere along the way I have developed this so called baby brain and it has made me completely stupid. Not just a little forgetful....no, I'm like, "drive 20 minutes to the grocery store for something that we have to have only to realize that not only have I forgotten my list (meant to keep my brain on track) but I have also forgotten why I am at the store, and oh yeah, I forgot my purse too" kind of stupid.

What the heck is happening to me? A while back, I was looking at books on A.ma.zon and liked a few twin books, but at the time didn't buy anything. Well, last week I received one book in the mail from A.ma.zon and thought, "oh, I must have ordered this. That's weird, I don't remember, but oh well".

No big deal, right? Except the next day I received 3 more books in the mail from A.ma.zon. What is going on!?! Did I order these. I don't remember ordering these. Maybe I did. How could I order 4 books and not remember it? Etc, Etc. This went on for about a half an hour and I seriously thought I had lost my damn mind. I went to throw the box away that the books came in and happened to glance at the receipt. Um, yeah. I didn't order these books...my mom did. Whew! "What a relief...I wasn't losing my mind after all...Wait a minute - did she tell me she ordered these books for me and I forgot....think back Jennifer....."

Seriously. Losing. My. Mind.

The countdown is on to my big ultrasound (10 days). I can't hardly stand it! I don't know how I ever thought I would be able to wait the whole pregnancy to find out. People keep asking me if we have names picked out and I'm going to be honest...no. We actually talked more about names when we were going through IVF than we do now. It just seems like so much effort to come up with boys and girls names before we know what we are having. What if we spend all this time coming up with girl's names only to find out we are having two boys or visa versa. Nope, I think we are waiting to do the whole name thing until after our big ultrasound. But don't you worry, I am sure that I will have something interactive on this site for people to offer their name suggestions :-) Oh, and week 18 officially marks the "could be" halfway point.

Ok, for old times sake here is are some "symptoms" and other stuff:

- Growing belly (um, duh)

- No stretch marks yet! I know they are probably on their way, but for now I am going to live in
this little world I call denial and think that all my baby-oil and belly butter lotion rubbing, plus
my water drinking is keeping them at bay.

- Food. Do I have cravings? No. But I do feel like a camel. Some days I am really hungry and
everything sounds good and then the next day I am not hungry at all and nothing sounds good.
On these days I have to force myself to eat meals, because I feel like just having a bowl of
cereal and a banana will be enough for the whole day. Is that normal?

- Swollen hands and feet. The feet aren't so bad, although I do believe they are bigger all the
time because my shoes are feeling tight. I've heard feet can grow during pregnancy, but I'm
not sure if this is a wives's tale or not. I can say, I am going shoe shopping today because the
next size up is looking pretty good :-) My hands swell if I do a lot of walking or moving around.
If I sit for a minute and lift them up, the swelling appears to go away. I can no longer wear my
engagement ring, and now my wedding band is getting tight so I am sure that too will be
relinquished to the jewelry box until these babies make their debut.

- Ok, this one isn't really a symptom...or maybe it is, depending on how you look at it. I am
starting to give in to the mini van idea. They are surprisingly safe and are the most convenient
to get to the third row seat. Who thinks Bobby is sending me subliminal messages in my sleep?

- Sleeping. I still have achy legs, but they aren't as bad as they were. I do have lower back pain
at the end of the day now, but that was something I actually expected to happen and my yoga
DVD and a warm shower at the end of the day are helping with this.

Ok, folks. I will update next week with my 19 week update and then...that's right....you'll get another fun update on October 16th after my big ultrasound. It's a two-fer :-)

17 weeks

2009-09-30T12:02:00.001-07:00

I am 17 weeks pregnant. Wow! Time is flying by...since 20 weeks is the halfway mark for those pregnant with a singleton, the 18/19 week mark is halfway for people with twins (or so I am told). I can't believe I am almost halfway through this pregnancy. I sometimes wish time would slow down just a little bit because I am enjoying it so much and am pretty sure I won't be getting this experience again.

I am still growing, and growing. I will post another picture when I am at the 19 or 20 week mark. I can definitely tell a difference just in this past week, but I doubt it would come across as a dramatic growth in a picture. I am pretty much out of all my old clothes which is fine because the maternity clothes are much more comfy. I've been slathering my belly with lots of goodies in the hopes that I will avoid a bunch of stretch marks. I haven't gotten any yet, but I know it's still early.

Things are still going smoothly. I feel weird saying that because it is almost like I am tempting fate. But I can honestly say I feel really good. I did start to have a minor freak out about all of the things we need to buy and the fact that I really need to start going through Connor's old stuff to see what I still have. But Bobby calmed me down and told me that once we know the gender of the babies, then we can start freaking out :-) So for the next few weeks I am going to try to put any baby planning out of my mind and just enjoy being pregnant.

Oh, there is one new weird thing...I have been getting terribly achy legs when I sleep. Not really leg cramps, more just an achy feeling always about halfway through the night. I think this is probably from sleeping on my sides when I am so used to sleeping on my back. Oh, how I miss sleeping on my back. I know some people say back sleeping is ok but I was directed to stop when I hit 16 weeks because it can cut off the blood flow to the uterus (and in turn the babies) - yikes. So now I keep a pillow behind me when I sleep so if on the off chance I end up on back, I am not laying totally flat but at more of an incline. Oh, the things we do... Anyway, I'm not sure what to do about the achy legs. I heard putting pillows under my feet might help, but I gotta be honest...I think adding any more pillows to our bed might mean there will be no room left for Bobby and I'm not sure he's on board with that. Then I heard that I need to drink milk or eat a banana before bed. So, I guess I will try all of these things, but if anyone has any advice on this one, I am all ears.

* If you haven't voted in the poll, you only have 15 days left, so please feel free to tell us whatcha think! *

I'll update again at 18 weeks and I promise to have something interesting to say :-)

Boo on me (oh, and 16 weeks update)

2009-09-23T20:42:00.000-07:00

So, I know, I know....boo on me for not posting my belly picture when I said I would. For some reason the fall is always so busy for us. And to be honest at the end of the day when I think about taking a picture, I think hmmmm....I'm not looking all that hot and I've already changed into my comfy clothes....do I really want the blogworld to see me looking a little haggard?

But finally tonight, I decided to suck it up and have Bobby take a picture. Good or bad, I said I would document this long journey so what you get is a blurry 16 week belly shot of me at the end of a long, long day. Enjoy.

Anyway, I have made it to 16 weeks. This is the magical week when I "could" start to feel the babies moving. No such luck yet...although I have had some gas that I was originally suspicious could be the babies, but turns out it was indeed just gas (TMI, I know...sorry).

I am so excited to feel them that every time I feel anything, I'm like "oooo, I wonder if that was the babies", but then I'm all "no I don't think that's what babies moving feels like". But then I'm like "hey, how the heck would you know what moving babies feels like?".

So, I have decided I will wait until I am absolutely sure that I am feeling these little ones before I make an announcement that I felt the babies. 'Cause that would kind of suck to announce that I felt them move, only to really feel them move a few days later, and realize what I announced was actually gas.

Oh, and Bobby and I are getting antsy to find out the gender of these little ones. Now that I know the date (Oct.16, btw) it feels like Christmas is coming. I wonder how they will tell us...will it be anatomy scan of first baby and at the end they'll tell us what that baby's gender is, but then we'll have to wait for another hour so she can scan the second baby and then tell us the gender of that one? Or will she (oh, the "she" I am referring to is the ultrasound tech) keep the info till the very end and announce it after 2 hours of looking at our little ones? OR will she put us out of our misery and just get right down to it as soon as we get there? These are seriously questions that keep my mind racing at night. I know...get a life Jennifer.

Well, we decided that while we wait we would do some of the old wives tales testing. First we did the Chinese birth chart. Which indicates I have a 50% chance of having a boy and a 50% chance of having a girl. So if we have one of each then this chart is exactly right. We decided the only other test we could do was the wedding ring on a string test...all the others were simply too hard to figure out with twins. So we didn't have string and instead tied my wedding ring to a strand of floss (unused of course). I figured, string...floss...close enough. I had looked up online what the results would mean but did not share the info with Bobby because I didn't want to "taint" the results. (This is all very scientific, as you can tell).

Bobby held the string ring over lefty (or where we think lefty is) and I gotta say we didn't agree on the movement of this one. It looked to me like it was going in a circle, but from Bobby's angle it looked to move from side to side. We tried again and it did look more side to side, so we agreed on that for lefty. For righty, it was definite side to side right away. According to what I read online, side to side means we are having a girl...or in this case 2 girls. This is funny because that is what Bobby thinks we are having and it totally validated his "intuition". I laughed because all day I have been feeling like we are having 2 boys. Wives tales are fun, but at the end of the day they really don't tell ya squat! It will be fun to see if they are accurate though.

All in all I am feeling really good. No complaints what-so-ever. I think I was expecting more issues, but besides being tired (I mean, c'mon...I am growing 2 people here) I don't really feel any different. I do have a little swelling in my hands and my ankles. They aren't quite cankles but they aren't really cute either. I attribute this to the heat and have decided I need to watch my salt intake. I love love love my growing belly and am finally happy to "look" pregnant and not just chunky. I'm thinking I like this second trimester thing :-)

15 weeks and appt.

2009-09-18T09:41:00.000-07:00

Well, I had my appointment yesterday afternoon. Everything is looking really great. They took the heartbeats with the Doppler when we first arrived...156 and 148, so they both sound really good.

The appointment was more of an informational meeting at first. At this particular office they eventually like you to see all of the Dr.'s so you have a repore with each of them. I have seen all of them in the past, and I like all of them so basically I just decided to go to whoever is available on the day of my appointment. This is working out really well. They are really informed of our situation (they remember us from our all of our years of infertility hell) and they are all so great about taking the time to talk with us, answer all of our questions, etc. I feel lucky to have such a great team of people on our side.

Anyway, this time I saw one of the male Doctors (and Bobby's favorite). He was great. I pulled out my list of questions and he didn't even bat an eyelash at it's length. I told him my concern about my week of spotting and round ligament pain and mentioned that we wanted an ultrasound so I can see that everything was ok. He agreed and said that it would be a good idea to make sure that the placenta hadn't moved over the cervix (I guess that could be a problem). Then I asked him about some other stuff, like tests we will have to take in the future (glucose and some general blood work), is it ok to travel (yes it is), etc.

Then he took us in for our ultrasound (he stayed a half hour late to do this for us...again, I love these doctors!). First he did a pelvic exam to check my cervix. Everything looked a-ok there. Then we did a tummy ultrasound to see the babies. The looked so wonderful. Lefty had the hiccups...too cute! And Righty had moved positions, so the babies are now still side by side but are touching feet right near the middle of my belly. The were really active. The Dr. said earlier in the appointment that sometimes you can see gender at this point if the babies cooperate, but sadly during this ultrasound they did not. He then checked the placentas and they seemed to look to be in the right area, but he decided to do an internal ultrasound just to be sure.

So, on to the internal ultrasound. Placentas looked good. So he followed the cervix to see if there was anything that would cause concern and that's when we saw what was possible the cause of the spotting. The third sac (now completely empty) was being pushed down by the babies. So, while most of it was being pushed into the uterine wall like it should be, a tiny part of the end of it was being pushed over the opening of the cervix. This really isn't a problem, but more than likely explains the spotting. I don't know why but seeing the cause of the spotting in black and white just took this huge weight off my shoulders. I am a visual person, so to actually physically see something that made sense to me just made me feel a hundred times better.

Anyway, the ultrasound was the end of our appointment. So we went to the front desk and made our next monthly appointment AND our anatomy scan appointment (where we will find out the gender of these little ones).

An anatomy scan sounds pretty cool. It will take 1 hour for each baby - so a big 2 hour ultrasound, woo hoo! They basically check everything from head to toe on each baby, especially the heart chambers, making sure the blood is pumping the right way, the bladder, the lungs, etc. And the fun part is, we will get to know what we are having. This appointment is scheduled for Oct. 16th at 7am and then afterwards I have my regular monthly appointment. (I will be 19 weeks and 3 days). I am so excited for this ultrasound!

I'm know I said I would post a belly picture and I will....this weekend. Bobby and I went on a date after our appointment and frankly we've been so busy that we haven't had a chance to take one. But I promise one soon!

Upcoming appt. and other stuff

2009-09-15T13:55:00.000-07:00

I have an appointment this Thursday. This appointment is just my monthly check-up and what I hope will also be an ultrasound. I am supposed to get one every month but there is some debate over whether or not the ultrasound I had for the down's testing will count as this month's exam. Due to my spotting (which has stopped btw), I am going to insist that they just do a quick one.

Oh, and we got the results back from the "markers" test that looks for certain disorders and everything looks normal and good...so that's a relief!

Things have been going pretty well. Like I said, the spotting has stopped and even the round ligament pain has seemed to ease up except of course at night when I roll from one side to another.

The belly is growing, and growing. I will post a 15 week pic when I post about my appointment on Thursday. We also decided to start measuring my tummy every week...I will Not be posting these numbers but I will be able to say "I grew 2 inches in a week", so that will be fun. I am pretty much out of my regular clothes. The Bel.la Band is still working pretty good for my jeans, but my shirts are pretty much all to short and my belly likes to hang out the bottom which is not the sexiest thing in the world. Luckily for me, I have the best mom in the world and she took me on a little maternity shopping spree over the weekend. I now have clothes that fit (some with plenty of room to grow). Who knew maternity pants could be so darn comfy?

The weird thing is what's happening with my belly button. No, it's not "popping out". Instead it looks like this giant saucer under my shirt. The stinkin thing is huge! I am told it's because I have a normally deep belly button and because I am carrying the babies high. Hopefully when the babies start moving around, they will go under my belly button and push some of the "dip" out, but for now I guess I will have to live with the saucer button - so lovely. Oh, and I am getting that faint little line down my tummy. I can't remember what this is called, but I always thought "oh, I hope I don't get that". Now that I see it though, it's not that bad, and just another visual sign that yes, I am actually pregnant! (you would think that would stop surprising me at some point!)

I'll update on Thursday with the details of my appointment, and hopefully new pics of the babes!

Pregnancy Scare

2009-09-08T15:36:00.001-07:00

I know for most people, a pregnancy scare means that they freaked out because they thought they might be pregnant. Well, folks, since that situation will never happen for us, I have decided to re-purpose the phrase and use it to explain that "we are pregnant, and yes we have had a tiny scare".

So this weekend I started to feel some pain in my lower abdomen - mostly on the left hand side. It wasn't cramping, just this weird pain that came and went, mostly felt when I rolled over in bed or stood up from a sitting position. I didn't really think much of it....until.....

Until yesterday when I started bleeding. Ok, bleeding might be too strong of a term. Spotting is probably more accurate. But in my opinion, any kind of blood during pregnancy is scary. So anyway, here I am, now feeling some pain AND spotting. Of course, this was on Labor day so every place in Moscow and Pullman is closed.

I called the on call dr. (which as luck would have it is my ob) and she asked me a bunch of questions and said that we should watch it and if it continued to call the office first thing in the morning. If it got worse, I was to call her back immediately. Then she asked me my blood type. I told her that I was O negative, or at least I was pretty sure I was, and she ordered me to the hospital to have my blood drawn to confirm my blood type and to look for some sort of antigen in my blood. You see, if you have O negative blood, you have to have this fancy dancy shot called a Rhogahm shot. This is normally given at 28 weeks. The reason has something to do with your body's blood basically attacking the baby because of antigens you either do or don't have.

Frankly, I find it all very confusing. But I do know that it's unusual to have to have the shot so soon. In my case, I needed the shot just to be safe. Because I lost that third baby, and now I am spotting, I guess there is a chance that things could be getting dicey with this RH Factor thingy. I will have to have the shot again at the 28 week mark. It isn't a bad one - pretty big needle in the hip, but since I'm used to that because of IVF, I didn't even flinch. I was told to be on bed rest for the entire day, so I spent the holiday watching tv and playing dinosaurs with Connor in my bed.

Anyway, I woke up this morning and the spotting seemed to have subsided a little, but when I got to work it was back in full swing, so I called the Dr.'s office again. This time I had to wait for a call back. Finally someone called me back and asked what color the spotting was - me: brownish red. Asked me about the cramping - me: not cramping, more like a pulled muscle pain. She told me that because I was spotting brownish that it was old blood and not new bleeding, which is a good thing. If it increases in amount or turns bright red, then I need to be seen immediately. She told me that the pain I was feeling was round ligament pain. Apparently my ligaments are stretching and this is a pretty common pain in pregnant women, especially when you are carrying more than one baby. She told me to rest as much as possible until the spotting stops and to practice "pelvic rest" until my next appointment. Which basically means no sex until my next appointment...I go back to the Dr. on the 17th.

So until then, I will take it a little easy and hope that the spotting and round ligament pain go away. I feel relieved to know that it is nothing serious, but there is still a part of me that is paranoid it could be something worse, so I don't mind being overly cautious.

Till next time...

13 weeks

2009-09-02T18:53:00.000-07:00

I am 13 weeks today, and I am feeling great! I had my ultrasound yesterday to check for abnormalities with the babies. When I got there, they told me that the results actually got sent to a lab and that I won't get the results for a week or so. Surprisingly, this was kind of nice because I was able to just enjoy this little peek at the babes and not worry about suddenly getting bad news.

The ultrasound tech at my dr.'s office is super nice and so willing to answer any weird question that I may decide to ask. She went searching for the babies and started low, below my belly button. Then she moved up, and up and up until finally she found them, side by side, right above my belly button. These babies are high. I actually felt a little relieved to see for myself where I was carrying them because I thought it was weird that I didn't get the "pooch" under my belly button that most women get and instead just all the sudden had a very round belly. It is hard at the top and still a little squishy at the bottom, but she said my whole belly will be hard soon enough.

She was hemming and hawing about which baby to call Baby A and which would be B. Normally it is easy to tell because one is on top of the other one and the one closest to the cervix is Baby A. At this visit it was important to get these labels right because they will no longer change. Baby A will now always be Baby A and same goes for Baby B. Anyway, she couldn't figure out who to name what because my little bambinos are side by side and they are in a dead heat...I mean there isn't one that is even a cm closer to my cervix. They looked so cozy right next to each other, but it was clearly frustrating the poor ultrasound tech. Finally she said she thought it looked like the baby on the left was Baby A, but just to be sure we keep it straight, she labeled all the pictures with not only Baby A or Baby B but with Baby on the Left and Baby on the right.

I just had to laugh because I thought it was cute these little ones liked being so close. (tell that to my ribs in a month or so because they are dangerously close to being able to kick them). Bobby and I decided we would call the babies "lefty" and "righty" because it has a nicer ring than "A" and "B" (I think there might be 2 of my friends smiling right about now!)

So anyway, Left and Righty are doing so great. Heartbeats are strong at 154 and 148. They were a little slower than last time, but mostly because they were resting this time...although Lefty did give me a little wave hello. The tech said the heartbeats need to fall between 100 and 180 during this period, so we are perfect. Also, they are both measuring exactly the same size...13 weeks and 1 day. Keep in mind this was yesterday so they were measuring 2 days ahead of where they should be. This is fantastic! Especially for twins. We are just praying they keep growing at such an amazing rate.

All in all things went really well. It lifted my spirits seeing the babies...I think there is still a part of me that can't believe I am actually pregnant and to see it live on a screen really reinforces it.

As for symptoms: Let's see, no nausea, but no cravings either. I'm a little tired, but depends on the day...sometimes I actually feel really energetic. I am starting to develop heartburn and it's no wonder since the babes are so high up. Still managing to fit into my regular jeans with the help of the Bel.la Ba.nd (thanks for that tip!). My shirts are getting a tad to short because of the growing belly and boobs I have going on. And that's about it. Oh, here is my 13 week belly picture :-)
*you can click on the ultrasound pictures to see a bigger version

Check out the Poll!

2009-08-27T08:39:00.001-07:00

Hey all! I've added a little poll on the left sidebar. Take a guess on what gender(s) our babies will be, if you feel so inclined :-) *You don't have to be logged in to do this, so give it a try!

Ahhhh...

2009-08-26T10:34:00.001-07:00

That is the sound I am making this week.

I'm breathing a sigh of relief for making it to my 12th week of pregnancy. Yay me! I'm also saying "ahhhh" because I have finally given in and am rubber banding the button on my pants. That's right people, that sound you hear is me being comfortable in my jeans with the button unbuttoned.

I'm not quite ready for maternity clothes, although I am getting close. It's so funny because I am definitely showing...not just a little baby bump either. In fact, I thought maybe I was too big so I googled to see other twin baby bumps at 12 weeks, and I look right on track. I guess I am so used to seeing my friends pregnant with one baby, that I didn't realize how different my belly would look from theirs at this stage.

Anywho, so things have been going rather smoothly (*knock on wood*). Any pregnancy symptoms have still seemed to disappear - obviously excluding the earlier mention of my growing belly. I have no nausea, and my energy level feels pretty good. I'm not really retaining water, and the boobs are feeling a-ok.

I can say that I have gained a couple pounds - directed by doctor and not as easy as it sounds. You would think that someone already overweight would be able to pack them on when needed, but eating has really been a problem. Don't get me wrong, I can eat pretty much anything - no aversions here...but I can only eat a little bit at a time or else I am incredibly uncomfortable. Maybe this is because I am really short waisted and there isn't much room in there, but I seriously have to split my meals into 2 (or sometimes 3) portions and eat them over the course of several hours.

Now that we are settling in to this pregnancy we did make 2 purchases for the babies. I told Bobby that I didn't want to jinx what we were having by buying pink or blue things yet, but we saw some really cute burp cloths, and although they are blue...they could work for girls. So we bought those.

*OK, let me just say that I know some of you are probably thinking "wow, how exciting...you bought burp cloths (sarcasm)" and I realize that this doesn't seem exciting. But we are realistic people...we have had a baby and we know the things that are needed. And frankly, burp cloths have gotten darn cute since Connor was a baby, so we couldn't resist.

Now, where was I....oh, yes. Purchasing items. So the other thing that we (or actually Bobby did this by himself) bought was a cute little PINK onesie. Yes. He did. If we end up with 2 boys I am going to blame him for jinxing us. I'm ok with having 2 boys (which would bring my total to 3) but I just wanted to wait to buy gender stuff till we know for sure what we are having. So anyway, now we have this super cute, pink, U of I Vandal, onesie. So, if we end up with twin boys, then one of my lucky friends having a girl this year will end up with said super cute, pink U of I Vandal, onesie :-)

Oh, and as most of you have seen...I have finally announced this pregnancy to the whole world. Ok, maybe not the whole world, but pretty much anyone that vaguely knows me at all, now knows that we are expecting.

I have my ultrasound on Tuesday to check for possible problems with the babies. Fingers crossed that the ultrasound goes smoothly. I will update on Tuesday to fill you all in and to give my little weekly update. Pictures soon, I promise!

What a week!

2009-08-19T17:18:00.000-07:00

First of all, everything is fine in the baby department. We had an eventful weekend...Bobby had to have an emergency surgery due to his appendix bursting. He's been in the hospital since Saturday and was finally released today. Woo hoo!

This has been an exhausting last couple of days and to be honest I haven't even had time to think about being pregnant. And since all my symptoms have virtually disappeared I haven't really felt all that pregnant.

I did have my appointment with one of the local OB's. My appointment that I had before was just an ultrasound so this one was nice because I actually got to talk to a Dr. When I first went in the nurse said that they wanted to find the heartbeats with the Doppler. She found one right away but had trouble finding the other one. My heart started racing because it took her forever to finally find the 2nd one and when she did she said she was having a hard time keeping it. When the Dr. came in, she said let's just do an ultrasound really quick to check. Oh, darn...another ultrasound :-) So we did the ultrasound and I was so happy because both babies are still doing great. Their heartbeats are both strong and they've actually grown since Friday. (It's my 11th week, and they are each the size of large lime) Plus, it was hilarious because we realized why we weren't able to hear the 2nd hb for very long. Baby B was dancing like crazy. It actually looked like it was dancing to music. It has us all cracking up...it literally didn't stop moving during the whole ultrasound. Too funny.

I was told to take an extra folic acid, and extra iron and the expecta pill as well as my prescription prenatal vitamin. I feel like a pill popping fool because they all have to be taken at different times. I'm still showing just a little. I will be happy when I am actually looking pregnant because right now it looks like I just had one too many beers over the weekend.

I did tell the people at work that I am pregnant with twins. They were all really supportive. Hopefully this won't affect me having my job extended past Dec. If I don't have a job after Dec. I will just stay home for awhile and enjoy the end of my pregnancy...that might actually not be that bad.

Sorry this update isn't too exciting. I had some blood work this week, and in 2 weeks I will have an ultrasound to check for "markers" to see if there are any problems with the babies. My next appointment is in 1 month. I will have an ultrasound every month to check the progress on these little ones, it seems like a long time to wait but I know I am lucky because most women only have 2 or 3 ultrasounds their whole pregnancy.

I will update again in week or so. I'm probably going to announce to the whole world at 12 weeks (next Wed), so those of you that are waiting for me to finally say something don't have too much longer to wait. I'll also be posting weekly updates here and possibly a belly pictures to show my progress. So anyone interested in that can keep checking in.

Till next time....

Mixed emotions

2009-08-14T15:55:00.000-07:00

Today was a sad and amazing day all wrapped into one.

We arrived for our ultrasound at 7am, anxious to see these little babies. Bobby hasn't been to the last 2, so I was excited for him to hear the heartbeats and couldn't wait to see how they've changed in the two weeks since my last ultrasound.

We were the only ones there, so it was nice and quiet (with the exception of Connor commentating - which was really cute). She first went from baby to baby, looking for heartbeats and doing a quick glance at size. Then she was going to go back and do the measuring. When she arrived at our little one, the straggler, I noticed right away that it was really little. She stayed on this one for about 5 minutes, looking from all angles. I knew that our little baby didn't make it and started to tear up. She said she was sorry, that there was no heartbeat. I asked if we had lost it, and she said she was sorry...we had lost it. And then she showed me how small it was in relation to the other two. It was teeny tiny. She estimated it at 8 weeks growth. Which means if it was growing at a slower rate, it probably held on for just about one week after my last ultrasound. We were all quiet for a few moments, letting it sink in that we no longer were expecting triplets...that we would never meet our little straggler who fought so hard to rebound and tried it's hardest to survive. The ultrasound tech said that because we are still pregnant with 2 other babies, this one would be re-absorbed at some point and I probably wouldn't even experience spotting.

This visit was so bittersweet because after we got the sad news, she had to move on to check the other two. We were excited about seeing our thriving twins, but our hearts felt a little heavy at this excitement because it in no way took away the loss we were feeling.

The twins are going strong. They measure at 10w3d and 10w2d...right on track, and their heartbeats were 162 and 167, also really good. They looked so great...so cute. They are actually starting to look like babies. Here are some pics...Baby A is laying on it's back, it's head is on the left. Baby B is laying on it's side, it's head is also on the left. Baby B is kind of hard to see because it isn't a profile, rather it's looking right at you. You can kind of see it's little tiny arms.

It was really cool because as we were looking at one, I was talking to the tech and Bobby said, "Is it moving!?! I think it's moving...". We all looked, and sure enough that little baby was moving like crazy. It looked like it was trying to grab it's feet (Baby A). It was so funny. Connor was thrilled to see it move -I think it's neat for him to get to see these little ones grow. Baby B would not be outdone and had some dance moves of it's own, but it was doing more of a hip wiggle and floating thing. It was kind of hard for the tech to see Baby B so she had to push down a little because Baby C was in the way...Connor got stern with her because she was smooshing the babies feet. I was proud that he could actually make out the little baby on the screen. When we heard the heartbeats, Connor said the babies were singing him a choo choo song. I guess heartbeats sound like a train on a track to him. The tech recapped all the info for us, printed us some pictures and sent us on our way.

As we were walking out to the car, Connor said he was so glad he got to see the triplets. We said we were glad too, but then we had to explain that we were no longer having triplets, but that we would be having 2 babies instead. I think that simple explanation was enough...he still seems excited with the 2 babies.

Losing a baby when you still have twins is so weird. I can't explain the feeling...it's sort of like this weight on my heart, yet my heart still soars. I make myself feel better by telling myself that we are still expecting 2 babies, that things will be easier, that I can deliver in Moscow and might not have to have a c-section, that I will probably have a healthier pregnancy....all the things that make it sting a little less. The people at the RE's office are so nice and one of the dr.'s just called to check on me to see how I was doing. Gotta love the care they give, it's nice to have such attentive people taking care of us.

I have another appointment on Monday. This one is with the Dr. to measure my uterus and do some perlim testing. I think they are going to pop me in to the ultrasound room so they can check on the babies to make sure everything is ok with the twins and that the third baby isn't affecting them in anyway. I will blog again after that appointment. Oh, and I was going to announce to work today, but I think I will wait. I just thought I would get too emotional talking about it, and nobody wants to see a hormonal pregnant women crying at the office.

Till next time....

What are you going to do?

2009-08-11T13:44:00.000-07:00

"Wow! Triplets? What are you going to do?!"

I have heard this question no less than 100 times since we found out that there is possibly (and most likely) 3 babies.

I kind of find this questions hilarious. What do you mean what are we going to do? It's not like we're in high school and accidentally got pregnant. But some people ask this question with such exasperation you would think that we were in some sort of horrible predicament that needed fixed right away. We wanted to be pregnant. And we always wanted a big family, so 4 kids is ideal for us. Were we ever planning on the majority of them being born at the same time...no. But there is something so exciting about knowing we are going to have this big family. The chaos, the noise, the commotion...these are actually things that appeal to us. We love the thought of all the kids rushing in to see what they got from Santa...or crazy family road trips where everyone gets on each other's nerves, but we look back remembering it was a good trip because we all got to be together. Are 3 babies a predicament? No....3 babies are a blessing - a surprise blessing that took me awhile to get on board with, but now that I am I'm getting excited for this large family we are going to have.

So anyway, back to the "what are you going to do" question. Most of the time I am asked this, it is followed with a specific...for example, What are you going to do about:

your job?

childcare?

your car?

money?

your house - do you have room for 3 babies?

breastfeeding? Can you even make enough milk for 3 babies?

leaving the house - how will you manage?

sanity?

I think I'll address the above because they are the most commonly asked (although we have had some doozies that are much too private to even repeat on this wonderful blog)

Job. I plan to keep working. I was thinking about staying home but health care for a family of 6 is pretty expensive and let's be totally honest here...I think I am going to need a little adult time, a little "away from the babies time"...so I am looking at doing a reduced schedule at work so I can hopefully have the best of both worlds. (that is assuming I will still have a job after Dec. 17th)

Childcare. Well this is interesting. I thought I had this all figured out until my current childcare person just informed me that her husband got a promotion and they are moving to Pocatello in the next couple of weeks. Boo to that. Luckily, one of my neighbors is taking over my former person's business, which is actually more convenient because she is only 3 doors down, absolutely fabulous, and will continue the preschool program that Connor and the 3 other children were doing. Problem solved for Connor. The babies are getting a nanny. That's right people, we're breaking down and hiring a nanny. I just think in the end it will be easier to have them at our house and frankly it actually comes out to be a bit cheaper than childcare. Plus, this will give Connor a break from babies all the time, which I am sure he will be thanking me for.

Your Car. I am so sad to say this...but it's time I told you all...Bobby has brought it up time and time again, and I simply can no longer ignore him. It's the "M" word. I know...I don't want to say it anymore than you want to hear it. But the reality is, a mmmmmminivan is the easiest car to get 4 car seats in and out of. It's easy to maneuver to the back seat if a baby is crying, or throws up, etc. An SUV with a third row seat just doesn't have the same convenience, trust me...I've tried looking at them all. I have at least convinced Bobby to wait to buy one until the babies are actually here, so there's still time to come up with another plan. I'm open to suggestions :-)
Money. Who knows? We're not rich, but we're not poor either so I think the money thing will just kind of work itself out. Yes things will cost more, but we have wiggle room in our budget so I think we are going to be a-ok. Of course if this is a worry of yours and thinking about how we are going to afford this large family is keeping you up at night, then by all means, send us some money...if that will make you feel better, I will gladly accept it. Anything to ease your mind and help you sleep better.
Our house...do we have room for 3 babies? Our house is plenty big, although if I have my way we will be adding a great room in the next couple years. Our house is slightly over 2600 square feet. This isn't huge, but it's not tiny by any means. We have 4 bedrooms right now with the possibility of 5 or 6 if we want to give up our rather large storage space or Bobby's man's room. The babies will share a room for at least 2 or 3 years. This is what all the experts say to do and who am I to argue with the experts. Luckily for us one of our extra bedrooms is fairly large so 3 cribs, an armoire, a bed for me, a changing table and enough loot for 3 babies should fit just fine.
Breastfeeding. Yes I plan to breastfeed if it works out. Not in the traditional sense...at least I don't think so, and frankly I am not even sure how that is possible without spending every second of every day feeding someone...but I do plan to pump and pump and pump. I'm going to supplement with formula when needed. Connor was a formula baby and he is really healthy and very smart, so I'm not one of those who is against formula. This is just what feels right to me. Plus that way lots of other people can help me feed these little ones and I might actually have time to take a shower at some point.
Leaving the house...how will you manage? Well, this is tricky and in theory I think I have it worked out. My brother knows someone who has triplets and they have graciously given us their triple stroller. Awesome! But I also think that if I always strap one to me with our baby bj.orn then I can push 2 in a double stroller (Connor can ride his bike) if we're just going for a walk. If we are out and about? I think I might need a helper. But the day I manage to make it out with all 4 kids (3 infants) you will all hear about it because I do believe that might be one of my proudest days.
Sanity. Well, let's just say I am not sure I will make it through this with my sanity completely intact. I do know that I am married to the calmest person in the world, who doesn't freak out about very much. I think he will help me keep my sanity in check. Our lives will be crazy and chaotic but really anyone that has kids knows that time goes by so fast...before we know it these little ones will be independent toddlers and our oldest will be in school. When I think about how fast time has gone by with Connor, and then I think about these babies...I want to enjoy every second because they are only babies for a short time.

I hope that answers some of the looming questions people might have. I will of course be updating on Friday. My appointment/ultrasound is first thing in the morning, so at least I don't have to wait all day. Oh, and I think after my appointment, I will finally announce this pregnancy to work and the rest of the world (although I reserve the right to change my mind about that).

Normal is weird

2009-08-07T09:35:00.000-07:00

So I am officially a normal pregnant person. It's weird. This is the first week I don't have an ultrasound on a Friday and it just feels weird to not be able to see in there and know exactly what is going on with these babies. How do you normal preggos do it?

I went to my meet and greet with the nurse earlier this week. She was very nice and told me that they have another women who is having triplets who is in her 7th month. Crazy. So I asked the nurse how many triplet pregnancies they have seen and she said in the 20 years since she's been here...4. So with me, that will be 5. Ok, that's not very reassuring. She did tell me after I meet with one of their Dr.'s I will be referred to the specialist, so I can see both local docs and the guy in Spokane. I asked if I could go ahead and call and make an appt with this specialist and she told me that you can't just call this guy. You have to be referred to be a patient of his. Well, isn't that hoyty toyty. So now I wait...

Oh, she did tell me that the women who is having triplets, just now had to go on modified bedrest and it looks like she will probably make it to the 36 week mark. Awesome. That gives me hope that things will go smoothly for me as well. My 36 week mark is Feb. 10th. That's my goal for these babies to arrive. I am told that most docs don't let you go past that point because there just simply isn't any more room for the little bambinos. I guess, on average, a person carrying triplets will appear to be full term at just 20 weeks. So you singleton preggos out there can feel sorry for me because when you are at the end of your pregnancy and feeling uncomfortable, just know that I will be there at 20 weeks, and I still have (hopefully) at least 16 more weeks of growing. Just call me shamu! I can still wear my clothes, but next week might be a different story - because everything about my pants fits, but the the button area is getting a little snug.

My ultrasound next week was originally scheduled for the beginning of the week at the hospital, but apparently the office ultrasound tech doesn't think they do a great job, so she is insisting that I go to her (I think she secretly just wants to see the trips, but whatever). She was able to squeeze me in next Friday at 7am. That wasn't really as soon as I was hoping, but at least there will have been enough time between ultrasounds that we should really have a good idea about the straggler.

Things have been going pretty smoothly. My nausea has almost disappeared. I only seem to have it when I wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. I just started going to the kitchen, eating a bowl of cereal, and then head back to bed. I have had some pretty bad insomnia, but even that seems to be subsiding.

My mom sent me this really great book about when you are expecting twins, triplets or more. It has awesome info. It breaks down what I should be eating: protein, grains, dairy, etc. And being the somewhat anal person that I am, I made myself a little excel chart so I can keep track of what I am eating to be sure I get enough from all the categories. Clearly I have too much time on my hands.

Ok, Here is the most up to date info:

Sleepy, sleepy, sleepy. I have been taking a nap during my lunch hour on my little loveseat. I didn't realize what a tremendous help this was until yesterday when I didn't get to take one and literally could not keep my eyes open in the afternoon.
Nausea is going away - hurray!
Sciatic nerve is hurting. I was warned about this, but it is uncomfortable.
Feel full all the time. I can only eat small portions but my stomach always feels full, even when it is growling.
Food aversions - still depends on the day
Cravings - none. These seemed to have gone away. Weird.

Till next time.....

oh, almost forgot...here are the pics (newest post is below this one)

2009-08-03T18:53:00.000-07:00

On these pictures, you can see the crown to rump measurement by looking at the red crosses. They are kind of hard to see (If you click on the pictures, they get bigger). Sorry not the best pics - in person they are a lot clearer.

Baby B is our straggler and measures 1 week behind the other two. * To clear up any confusion...the babies labels will change over time. What was baby A last week is now baby B. This is due to how they view them. Baby A will always be the baby closest to my cervix, baby B in the middle, and baby C at the top. So if they move positions they will change labels.

Almost 9 weeks

2009-08-03T18:28:00.000-07:00

So on Wednesday I will be 9 weeks pregnant. Only 3 more weeks of the first trimester, and hopefully the end to my nausea. It has actually gotten a lot better lately, but it is still there looming in the background.

The weirdest thing about the 9 week mark to me, is that it made me think back to when we brought Connor home after he was born...we brought him home roughly 9 weeks from when we found out that we were adopting him. It's so weird to me...9 weeks is such a short amount of time, but back then we had nothing to reference so it just seemed normal to us. 9 weeks to prepare for a baby...it would be like bringing these babies home on Wednesday...so weird. And when I look back on that time, I am so proud of Bobby and myself. We handled it pretty smoothly and it gives me hope that we will be able to handle this situation with the same amount of grace.

Anyway, I made my local doctor appt today. I am going in tomorrow at 9am to meet with a nurse and do some paperwork. This is a prelim meeting that they make everyone do. Then the receptionist told me that none of the dr.'s would be available until the 17th. Yikes! That is 2 weeks away and if they are going to refer me to a specialist in Spokane, I would like to get the ball rolling on that. So I simply explained that I am expecting triplets and waiting until the 17th would not work for me. (I hope I don't go from being referred to as a "high risk" pregnancy to a "high maintenance" pregnant person). Anyway, she said that Dr. Richards was working in a clinic on Tues. and Thurs. till noon and maybe he could stay late and see me. Then she told me she would call him and call me back.

A short while later, I did receive a phone call...from Dr. Richards himself. Nice. He was really great on the phone. Made it seem like having triplets was no big deal - I am thinking I love this man. I told him my concern about waiting till the 17th and he squeezed me in next week instead. Then he told me that they will refer me to a specialist in Spokane but that I will continue to see the Moscow dr.'s as well. I will basically see them simultaneously. There is a chance that I might be able to deliver these babies in Moscow or Pullman. Woo hoo! That was a big relief for me. But on the chance that I have a lot of complications, they want me to be familiar with a specialist in Spokane so that someone up there is familiar with us and I with them. Makes sense to me. All in all, I hung up the phone feeling about 1 million times better about this pregnancy than I had been feeling. Thank you Dr. Richards!

I have been feeling pretty good off and on lately. In fact, I had a brief amount of time with no nausea and a bunch of energy. Unfortunately I was at the store picking up a prescription and thought since I felt so good, maybe I should purchase a few things.

Ok...note to readers...do not let a pregnant (with 3 babies) person, who is hungry and feeling like she could actually eat anything, loose in a grocery store. I'm telling you people - I bought the most random s&*#! Hmmm...oh ranch dressing sounds good. With what? I don't know. Do we even need ranch dressing? Who cares...in the cart it goes. Oooooh, toaster strudels. I haven't purchased these since sophomore year in college, but suddenly I feel the need to throw them in my cart. Black beans and unsalted almonds? Sure. You can never have enough of those...cart 'em.

You get the picture.

I left there $100 poorer and sadly with my nausea returning, now nothing sounds good for dinner.

Ok, here are the most up to date symptoms:

Nausea. Yeah, this isn't new, but it is list worthy.
Sleepiness. Ok, I'm tired. Really, really tired.
Starting to show a little bit. I know this because my stomach, which not normally flat anyway, now has an even more round shape and my pants are just a wee bit tight. This could still be bloat. But the dr. did say it isn't uncommon for a triplet pregnancy to start showing in the 9th week. I mean, I do have 3 babies in there and my uterus is expanding at a phenomenal rate.
aversions: nothing specific. Truly depends on the day.
must haves: same thing. Every day is different. Although I can only eat small amounts at a time before I become uncomfortable. Not really sure why this is happening so soon, but it is.

Ok, I will post later this week with a recap on my appt. with the nurse tomorrow. Till then...

Holy Moly

2009-08-01T16:44:00.001-07:00

Well, I didn't post right away because I needed time to absorb things and let the dust settle a tiny bit. You see, I had my appointment yesterday, fully expecting to hear that I had lost one or all of our little babies. That wasn't exactly the news I received. Instead I was told the 3rd baby had indeed rebounded and had a strong heartbeat. We are...at this moment...having triplets.

This is a weird thing because everyone is super excited when you say you are having twins, but suddenly you say you are having triplets and there is a lot of judgement, not so much excitement. Is it scary? Yes. Are there going to be rough times ahead? Yes. If any two people can handle this kind of news, would it be Bobby and myself? Yes.

You see, we tend to do things off the norm. If there is a less than 2% chance that we would have triplets, we really should have known we would fall in that 2%. It just happens to us - everytime. We are the exception to the rule.

So, my appointment went smoothly. Two of the babies have heartbeats measuring at 164 and 167. This is perfect. These 2 also measure (from rump to crown) at 8 weeks 2 days and 8 weeks 3 days. Perfect again.

The third one...the straggler if you will...has a heartbeat at 151. This is what makes our dr. think it will in fact be a viable baby because the heartbeat should be at least 150 at this point. However, it is measuring really small at only 7 weeks 4 days. 1 whole week behind. The dr. said this indicates that there could be problems with this baby. That it might not make it, etc, etc. I asked when we would know for sure, and he told me that if it doesn't catch up in growth in the next month, then we will know that it won't make it.

So one more month of wondering what will happen. In the meantime, I am having triplets. The funny thing is, it doesn't really scare me to have the babies here. I know it should and at some point that reality will probably hit me, but Bobby and I have an amazing support system...lots of family to help. The thing that scares me is the pregnancy. This isn't really the pregnancy I had imagined. It's going to be a lot different than if I was carrying one or two and the possible complications scare the heck out of me. I'm trying to stay positive, but the "what ifs" keep creeping in. For now, I am going to try to make it through this month and when we know something more definitive about whether it is triplets or twins, I will be able to adjust a little better.

The fun thing was, at this appointment I was able to hear the heartbeats. Amazing! And I was able to see the profile of one of the babies, which was really cool. I have a picture of each of the babies and will try to post that tomorrow (I am having technical difficulties today).

Also, I have been released to my regular Ob/gyn and I am finished with my shots. YAY!!! This is great news. I still have to take my Estrace for another 10 days, but that's not too bad. I got a little packet with pregnancy info from the clinic and a very touching card from my nurse. She is the best and I am going to miss her so much. I am going to call on Monday to make my appointment at my local office. I was told that I will probably be referred to a dr. in Spokane because I am considered high risk. Just when I thought I was done driving to Spokane. Yuck!

On the bright side, my morning sickness/nausea has significantly decreased. I find that as long as I get a lot of extra sleep (we're talking a hefty 2 to 3 hour nap in the afternoon), then I don't really feel too nauseous. Still can't eat eggs. Cravings haven't been too weird. Although the other day I felt like I had to have tator tots, so I stop on my way home and get some from Ta.co.Ti.me. Well, turns out my craving was actually to have tator tops dipped in mustard, so when I took a bite of the tator tot with no mustard it just didn't do it for me and I ended up throwing them away. Ok, maybe that's a little weird. Oh, and I was told I should be consuming 600 to 900 EXTRA calories per day to make sure these babies are getting all they need. Usually I would enjoy this, but eating has become a chore, and chores just aren't fun. But I was told that I need to gain weight consistently in order for these babies to have a chance at making it to over 32 weeks. The more I gain, the more they gain. Great.

On to other things, that darn ovary is still 3 times the normal size and my uterus has been doing a little stretching lately. Which means my bathroom visits have been more frequent. My dr. said if I am feeling sore, I should be using the bathroom every hour. Are you freakin kidding me? Who has time to use the bathroom every hour? I've been trying to go as often as I can, but c'mon...I work full time, and have an almost 3 year old. Bathroom visits are a luxury to me.

I have been given the clear to move again. So I have started walking and lifting light weights. I ordered a pre-natal yoga dvd, and am excited for it to get here. If any other people have workout recommendations for pregnancy, I welcome them.

Ok, better go. I will try to post pics tomorrow. And I will post again on Monday. I have my last progesterone check - this is just to be sure that my levels are still increasing even though I am off my shots. Also, I will give a little report on when my first regular appt. will be.

Spotting Update

2009-07-26T14:37:00.000-07:00

Well, the spotting has begun. I'm a little sad. I know it's weird to be sad because I was in no way, shape or form prepared to be pregnant with 3 babies, or even to take care of 3 little ones at one time. But still, it gave it it's best shot.

Today I woke up and felt like my period was about to start. I layed on the couch (yes, I went from laying in bed to laying on the couch...it's rainy here, and a lazy Sunday. Don't judge me). So anyway, I felt kind of crampy, so I layed on the couch and then it felt like my period started. I went to the bathroom and sure enough, I was bleeding.

At this point, one part of my brain is saying "you know this was going to happen. Don't freak out. The other 2 babies are going to be fine".

The other part of my brain is saying, "how can I be sure that the bleeding is from that third one? What if knocking down my dosages is affecting all of them? How much spotting is normal spotting?"

Because even when you are told that you are likely going to spot...seeing blood when you are pregnant is scary. It just is. There is no way around it.

So, now I am waiting for tomorrow, so I can call my nurse and report the spotting. I am sure she will make me feel a lot better about the whole thing. But in the meantime, it's just weird. What do I do? Do I go about my business while spotting? It feels insensitive and weird to just ignore it. Do I lay around all day just in case there is something going on with the other two...to be on the safe side? Well, Bobby and I decided that I would kind of take it easy. I'm not on bed rest or anything, but I haven't done much of anything today. I think that's a good compromise.

Ok, I'll probably blog about what my nurse says about the spotting. I know this is riveting stuff :-) Till then.....

*I spoke to my nurse and she said to take it easy. Stay sitting, put my feet up. Basically take myself back to all of the rules of transfer day...no exercise, no sex, minimum movement, etc. She told me the spotting is probably nothing, but to be really cautious this week and if the bleeding becomes more than spotting to call her and they will get me in for an ultrasound right away. Otherwise, I just need to wait until Friday to figure out what's going on. This was not really the reassurance I thought I would get. So, now I'm holding my breath till Friday hoping that the ultrasound will show that everything is still on track. I'll update after that appointment.

A little over 7 weeks

2009-07-24T16:49:00.000-07:00

I would like to say time is flying, but this past week has gone by really, really slowly. Last Friday, we were awoken to Connor screaming...only to find that he had thrown up, massive amounts, in his bed. Uh-oh...looks like the summer stomach bug has hit our house. We got everything cleaned up and then repeated this process 2 more times. Yuck! I was exhausted the next day from being up all night and washing my hands like crazy, hoping the germs wouldn't pass to me.

No such luck. I had been generally queasy all weekend, off and on (thanks morning sickness), so when I felt sick on Monday morning I didn't think too much of it. But as the day progressed, I felt horrible. Nausea, fever, chills...the whole sha-bang. Guess what...when you get the flu and you have morning sickness, you are basically in nausea hell. The stomach queasiness is intensified to a level I have never felt before. I cried. I wanted to die. And the worst part was, I couldn't be sure that it was the stomach bug...I mean, I assumed it was, but in the back of my mind I thought, "OMG, what if this is what I am going to feel like for the next 5 weeks!?!". I was not a happy camper. Luckily 2 days later, I was on the mend and sadly enough was happy to just feel the same level of morning sickness I had felt prior to the stomach bug. It's not fun, but comparatively, it is heaven.

Anyway, so today I had my blood work and ultrasound. This is the week that I had to do it locally because my Dr. was on vacation. So I was sent to Pullman Regional Hospital (that's where they do this type of thing before you start at your regular OB). Connor was with me today because he and I are on vacation for the next week. Bobby couldn't make it because it was at 10am which was kind of in the middle of what he was doing. I didn't mind much, at this point I knew there wouldn't be anything too much different than last week.

I thought when Connor and I were done, we would go have lunch with a group of people from my work. So, we go in and the blood draw goes great. Only Connor decides today is the day he will tell random strangers that I have babies in my tummy. Yep, he would tell anyone that would listen. Ok, well, scratch lunch. I can't risk him outing me to the people at work.

Then we went in for my ultrasound. I was told this would be a belly one, to drink a bunch of water. When I got there, they changed their minds - oh, joy...another internal ultrasound. And lucky me, there was an intern in there, so I got to be a lesson plan. The ultrasound tech started the exam. (*side note...Connor sat in a chair quietly for 40 minutes as they did this exam! 40 minutes and not a peep or general disaster from boredom. What a champ *)
So anyway, I explain to her that we know there are 2 still "going" and that there is a third one that probably won't make it. She literally looked at me with her mouth wide open. "I've never done a triplet ultrasound before"... I'm like, no, no...not triplets. Just twins. The third likely won't make it. It didn't have a heartbeat. She informed me that if there are three sacs in there that technically right now, I am having triplets. I do not like this women...I want my regular doctor.

She starts measuring the babies. Baby A (the one that probably won't keep going). Has in fact not separated, and because they have a fancy Doppler ultrasound, they think they see a faint, slight heartbeat. Say what, now huh? There wasn't a hearbeat last week. Well, they can't be sure. "Stop breathing", I am instructed. Okey dokey. Holding my breath, holding my breath. There. There was a teeny tiny little orange flicker. She pulled out the graph part...no heartbeat, flatline. She told me it's not showing up on the graph, but she thinks there might be a faint heartbeat. That baby is only measuring at barely 6 weeks. Way behind the others...

Ok, now on to the other two. Baby B and C are measuring great. Perfect, right on track. Heartbeats are 143 and 144. This is really good and strong. And these little bambinos are already taking up their fair share of real estate...my uterus is getting a little crowded. Below is a picture. The three black spots are the gestational sacs. You can see the little babies in the bottom 2 (which are B and C) the top one is Baby A. There is a tiny spot in there, but it's hard to see.

She measured my ovaries and my left is almost back to normal, but my right is still 3 times the normal size. No wonder I am still bloated.

I am finally let go. Connor and I head to the park, then home for a lovely 3 hour nap while I wait for the call from my nurse.

When she finally called, I have to admit...I was slightly freaked out that we thought we were having twins but the ultrasound tech seems to think we are having triplets. My nurse told me not to get too attached to Baby A, that things haven't really improved from last week, and she thinks that it may keep progressing at a small rate, but eventually will stop and be re-absorbed or I may have spotting. She told me that there is a small chance (just as we were told last week) but it isn't likely. Then she told me that next week is my last appointment with them and I will be released into the general population (that sounds a little prison like, but whatever). I told her I didn't think I was ready to be "released" and she reassured me that things would be fine and that she was always a phone call away. I also told her about my nausea (not throwing up, mind you. Just nauseous to the point I almost wish I would throw up for some relief. Ugh!). She told me that I just have to push through. To make sure I'm drinking lots of water, and to remember that I technically have 3 gestational sacs and all the hormones that go with them, so my symptoms might be intensified. I literally have no other symptoms other than nausea right now. Ok, maybe a little sleepiness, but truly mainly just nausea.

Then she told me the most wonderful these ears have heard since hearing I was pregnant. I have 7, yes...count them...S E V E N days of shots left! Woo hoo!!! And tonight I get to knock my progesterone shot dosage down to half and my estrace pill down by half as well. Yay, yay, yay! I am so excited. If I never have to have another shot in my ass, it will be too soon.

Ok, now for symptoms:

NAUSEA!!! I feel yucky. Not all the time. Some times I feel great. But the times I do have nausea are miserable moments. I have learned to eat a saltine when I get up at 3am (every stinkin night) to use the bathroom. This helps ward off the morning upset tummy. The time I feel the worst is between noon and 2:30pm and then a little in the evening.

Tired. Mainly still at the end of the day.

Aversions: Eggs. Even typing the word makes me want to throw up in my mouth a little bit.

Must haves: umm, crispy chicken sandwich from M.cD.onalds. Ok, I know this is neither good for me or the babies. But give me a break. I am down 6 pounds. No matter what I eat I keep losing or at the least, not gaining. And for some reason at 3pm when my queasiness has subsided, all I can think about is a crispy chicken sandwich. I literally have to have it. No other cravings really. Although I was reminded that 2 days before my beta test (pregnancy test) I told my mom I had to call her because I was about 2 seconds away from eating a spoonful of sour cream. Gross. I know. I thought it was because I needed dairy. But even thinking about wanting to eat a spoonful of sour cream grosses me out. I promise you, I have never done that before in my life, but that day... I almost did. Hmmmm...early craving maybe?

Next week is my last appointment. I am sure I will blog at least once before then. Happy Weekend everyone.

6w2d (6 Weeks, 2 Days)

2009-07-17T14:21:00.001-07:00

Well, I am officially 1/2 way through my first tri-mester - woo hoo!

I had an appointment in Spokane today, and Bobby worked extra hard all week so that he could make the time to come with me this morning. It is so nice to have him there for these appointments, and I thought he would only be able to make it to the first one, so it was such a wonderful surprise.

When we got there we had a bit of a wait. There were a few other couples there before us. I had my blood drawn and when I got the call from my nurse later in the day, I was told everything looked great. In fact, my progesterone levels are so good that I could actually go down to 1/2 mml (to start the weaning process) but because protocol says wait until 39 days post transfer, that's what they are having me do. So next Friday I will knock my progesterone dose down for another 7 days or so and then....no more shots!!! You have no idea how thrilling this news is for me. I have had hundreds of shots this year and I can honestly say I will not miss them one bit.

Then we had our ultrasound.

We were planning to keep the number of baby/babies we are having a secret. But anyone that knows us, knows that we are not really the secret keeping type. Hence this blog where I share every stinkin intimate detail. So, anyway...last week on my blog I said that he for sure could see one sac but there was the potential for more. hee hee, hee hee. Well, that wasn't entirely truthful.

You see, what the Dr. actually saw were 2 little sacs, and possibly a third. hee hee. So we've known for a week that we are in fact at least having TWINS!!! The iffy part was whether or not we were having triplets.

So, today we went in and saw the most beautiful site ever (well 2nd most beautiful site...the first of course being seeing my son born). We saw the heartbeats. Both babies were growing right on target, and both babies had strong heartbeats - 118 and 120 respectively. It was so cool to see. Bobby said it looked like they were shining little flashlights and turning them on and off, on and off. We didn't get to hear it - too soon for that, but seeing it was still pretty darn cool.

The doctor then asked if I had any bleeding. I said "no" but felt slightly freaked out. He told me there is definitely a third one in there and that it is growing a bit, but that it is separating from my uterus and doesn't have a heartbeat. This was tough to hear. Don't get me wrong...triplets scare the heck out of me...but still we felt sort of sad that it wasn't progressing like the other two. He said it was unlikely that it would "rebound" and we are most likely for sure looking at Twins. Holy Moly...2 babies!

Anyway, so that is our news. As always, I'm still not announcing to the world at large till the 12th week, so please, please don't post anything on facebook.

Oh, my next appt is next Friday but because their office will be closed for vacations, my blood work and ultrasound will be down here (yay for not having to drive 2 hours). I am excited for the next appt., but feel so much more at ease now that I have seen the little hearts beating. I occasionally have those thoughts of "it's still early" etc, etc, but then I think to myself...why shouldn't I have a healthy pregnancy - stop being all doom and gloom and enjoy it. So that's what I am trying to do. IVF makes you so worried about everything, I swear.

Ok, now for the symptoms:

I have nausea. This comes and goes and I wouldn't call it severe by any means. Some days I have none, some days I have it for a little bit, then it goes away. I have found that peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, or banana nut bread make my tummy feel a lot better. My good friend told me that she was told peanut butter and jelly sandwiches were great because of the protein, and I think she's right. I think I may be in for more nausea as I was told symptoms are intensified with multiples.
Hunger! I am hungry. I am hungry nearly all the time. I will feel starved, but then I will just eat a few bites and feel full - sometimes. Sometimes, I am so freakin hungry I will eat like I'm in a competition. Oddly, last week I lost 4 pounds. And now I am holding steady. You would think I would be gaining weight like wild fire with all this eating. (I am trying to keep it healthy and stick with a lot of what my acupuncturist told me to do). I know it is early but I definetly feel like I am eating for 3 :-)
Sore breasts - yeah, not so much. They were in the beginning, but now just a teeny tiny bit.
Sleepiness. Ok, I admit it. There were 2 days where I was exhausted. But those 2 days also happened to be really busy days. Everyone told me to take a nap at work. But I actually feel energetic during the day. It is at about 6pm that I start to get really tired. I've been going to bed shortly after Connor, so I am certain I am getting plenty of sleep. I just thought I would feel much more tired. I guess maybe that is still to come. Or, I am used to being tired because I am chasing a toddler all of the time.
Bloated. I have the pregnancy bloat. My stomach is gross. It already looks like I am pregnant. Luckily this is going away, and my ovaries are slowly going back to their normal size. I can still button my pants, so that's good news. I was told with twins, I can expect my pants to start feeling a little snug around the 9th week and then things move pretty quickly from there. Oh, and I'll add this here because I don't think it warrents it's own bullet: Gas. It has to be said. And I know, I know...TMI. But seriously, I have it...bad.

Well folks, that's about all for today. I'm glad to share our news with the blogworld, and can't wait for the day we can share it with the whole world. Oh, and originally we weren't going to find out the sex of the baby (when we thought we might have one) but now we are thinking maybe we should. Other mommies...I would love to hear your thoughts. We found out with Connor, so the surprise might be nice, but how do you prepare for 2 babies if you don't the sex!?! Thoughts?

5 weeks, 2 days...

2009-07-10T11:03:00.000-07:00

...that is officially how pregnant I am. Don't you love that they count clear back to when the date of your last period was - or in an IVFers case, the date of when your last period would have been if you weren't so hopped up on hormones. It makes it feel like time is just flying by.

So, I had my appointment this morning. Bobby was able to make the trip with me because I was having a blood draw and we were getting our first ultrasound (Yes, it is still an internal ultrasound).

I would like to say that it was really neat...life changing. Yet, it was really hard to see anything. My ovaries are really, really swollen. So much so, that they are actually touching eachother. This made getting the little wand thingy to my uterus difficult. He had to maneuver it in all different directions - I was like, c'mon guy...give me a break. How would you like it if I twisted that thing all around your insides?

Anywho, we finally saw my uterus and were able to see that the number of babies we are having is.......

Um, yeah...we couldn't get a good look. We could see one sac, so we know we are pregnant - but there is a chance that he glimpsed more than one, but he can't be sure. I asked him how many he thought we were having and he said "time will tell". Thanks buddy, so apparently we are having anywhere between 1 and God knows how many babies. Hopefully next week, we will get a better pic. They did send me home with an ultrasound picture, but I'm not posting it because it is really just a picture of my uterus with an arrow where the above mentioned sac looked to be but wasn't caught on camera. And I know you must all feel like, at this point, you have an intimate relationship with my uterus, but there really is no need to show the darn thing to the whole world at this point.

My nurse called a little bit ago and told me my numbers look great! My beta numbers are rising as they should and my progesterone and estrace are still on track. Yay! I did have the chance to ask some questions:

Q) When can I have sex and resume exercise? A) Today! Yay for today. I just have to keep my heart rate below 140 and do light activity (for exercise, although maybe that applies to sex too - lol!)
Q) What week am I in? A) K- I was pretty sure I knew the answer to this, but I wanted to know exactly. 5 weeks and 2 days
Q) Due date? A) March 9th :-)
Q) How much longer do I see the Dr in Spokane before I am transferred to my local OBGYN? A) 3 more weeks. I go every Friday for three weeks and then I am officially done at the Center. Woo - hoo!

Now for my symptoms: -

Nausea has stopped (for now)
Breasts still sore, but hasn't gotten worse
Not very tired, but everyone keeps asking me if I am exhausted. Should I be?
Sweets do not appeal to me, but give me something salty and I will love it! Plus, I feel like I can eat tacos at every meal - which is funny because I have a friend who is newly pregnant that says the same thing.
Cramping...I had some pretty bad cramping the other night. When I stand up I will get a pulling sensation on one side or the other (I think this might be my ovaries being so swollen).

My next appointment is next Friday. I am sure I will post at least once before then...

Worse than the 2ww

2009-07-07T18:14:00.000-07:00

Ok, I thought the 2ww was hell...turns out the wait for the first ultrasound is about 10 times worse. I thought I would blog again, partly to kill some time, but also because I have had numerous people ask me what I did different this round of IVF or what I think "did the trick this time".

First off, I truly believe the reason we are pregnant is God. I think prayer helped, and just as God answered our prayers with Connor he once again has heard us and blessed us. I just keep praying that he will let us see this pregnancy through and that at some point we will be able to breath a sigh of relief :-)

As for the things I did differently, here's a little list:

I did acupuncture (and cupping). This was beneficial because it relieved stress and I had the Best acupuncturist
I ate the pineapple. Ok, I have to admit...I cheated a little on this one. I did divide my organic pineapple up into five equal portions (including the core), but it gave me really bad heartburn. So, I stretched it out over 6 and a half days. I don't think it hurt anything.
I cut all dairy. All dairy, you ask? Yep, all dairy was gone from my diet.
I cut red meat and severely limited animal protein. Also, I tried to eat a lot of organic.
I lost 10 pound during this series (probably because of my massive dietary changes). But keep in mind, those 10 pounds were pounds gained during the whole hyperstim fiasco
Anytime I felt stressed I would take a slow deep breath and think the word "blue" while imagining the color blue slowly entering my body. I heard somewhere this was a good relaxation tool and I have to agree, it really works.
Instead of making small talk during the transfer, I was quiet (odd for me) and enjoyed every minute of the process.
I rested and rested and rested after my transfer. To the point where I was bored out of my mind.
I taught Connor how to get in and out of the carseat, bathtub, booster seat, etc. by himself so I wouldn't have to lift him. And I made sure not to lift anything over 10 lbs.
I did all of the above because no matter the outcome, I wanted to have no regrets. I wanted to know that I had done everything in my power to help this process.

That's basically it. I am on pins and needles waiting for the ultrasound. Oh, and I've been asked if I have had any pregnancy symptoms - I saw on someone else's blog that they kind of updated symptoms each time and I thought I would do the same.

Symptoms: sore breasts (but mostly just when I first wake up), waves of naseau - this symptom is weird because it happened alot yesterday and I've had none today, and it mostly hits me if I smell cantaloupe (ok, so stop smelling cantaloupe, right?), and I'm a little emotional (I'm feeling a little weepy - this could be the estrogen and progesterone I'm taking).

That's all for now. I'm not saying I love morning sickness because I'm not a freak who loves feeling like she just got off a carnival ride, however, having symptoms/feeling things related to pregnancy is strangely reassuring. Since I haven't really felt anything today, I feel like I should pos to double check that things are still happening in there. I probably won't, but this darn IVF process has made me not trust anything.

Alrighty, probably should stop yapping at ya. Update on Friday :-)

Results are here....

2009-07-05T17:24:00.000-07:00

That's right people...my test was BFP...Positive...I am officially, as of this moment, pregnant!!!

Now, before you get all excited, (which trust me, I am excited too!) please remember it is really, really early and that right now, while loving that I am pregnant and soaking in every moment, I am moving forward with cautious optimism. That being said.....holy s&!@!!! I'm actually pregnant!

Ok, now for the details of my week. I went in for my test on Wednesday, July 1st. I was really nervous because I really did keep trying to imagine getting that positive phone call, but my mind just kept going back to the negative phone call and I felt like it just wasn't in the cards for me. Granted I had been having some cramping - it was like a band of achiness across my entire abdomen. And I had been gassy (sorry if that's TMI, but it's the truth). However, I also broke out terribly on my chin, which normally means AF is on her way. But then, it happened...I was getting my pjs on the night before my test and I looked down at my chest and saw big, bright blue, (neon blue almost) veins. These veins were new to me - never seen them before and I had a feeling.

Not a, "k, I know I'm pregnant feeling" but more of a "omigosh, maybe I could be pregnant" feeling. I called Bobby in to look and got the normal male response - he didn't really notice anything different. So I kind of brushed it off.

So I go in, have my blood drawn (no waiting in the waiting room because there was only one other person there) and then I got in the car for the 2 hour drive home. My plan was to be at my house, just as I had planned all the times before. But as usual things didn't go quite as planned. My phone rang at 8:15am. It was the dr.'s office. NEVER in the past year have I gotten a phone call back that early, and when I saw the number, I knew. I just knew...I was pregnant. I picked up the call and my nurse made a little small talk - get to the good stuff already!

Finally, she told me "congratulations, your pregnant". I screamed, then asked her if she was messing with me because it was a really mean joke. She assured me that she was in fact very serious and that as soon as she saw my numbers she had to call right away. My numbers...oh, yeah...what were my numbers? She told me that my beta number was 224! That this is a fantastic number. Then, as I am still freaking out, she told me to pull my car over because she was scared I was going to get in an accident. Which was probably a good thing because I think I had forgotten I was driving at that point. She instructed me to come back to the dr. for a second blood test on Friday to confirm by having my numbers double. I told her I would be there, hung up the phone, and made some important calls: to Bobby of course, family and one close friend who I swore to secrecy (thanks EJ!). All gave me the most wonderful reaction (actually Bobby didn't believe me because I was calling so early, but soon he decided that I wasn't lying and was a little shocked, but very happy!) and I was floating on cloud nine the entire drive home.

So, I get home and have to call to refill my progesterone because I was almost out. Looks like I will be giving shots for another couple of months. Then I had to run to the store, and figured while I was there why not pick up a little hpt just for fun.

That's right, I took a home pregnancy test. After 6 years of seeing only 1 pink line, you can imagine my elation when not a second after I took the test did both pink lines show up. And they weren't a little faint pink, those suckers were dark pink. Bobby laughed at me because he thought it was funny that we paid a dr. over $30,000 to tell us we were pregnant, but I needed to take a $13 hpt to confirm it :-)

Anyway, on with my long story. I went in on Friday (since my mom was in town, she took the drive with me) and had my second test. The nurse left me a message because I forgot my phone.

*side note: forgetting my phone was actually pretty hilarious because everyone in my family was freaking out that I would miss the phone call and I was the only calm one...which is kind of weird for me.*

Anyway, the nurse said that my numbers more than doubled (awesome). So yay for me! She told me that I need to go back to the dr. next Friday at 7am for bloodwork and an ultrasound. Yay for me again!

I still kind of can't believe it. Since finding out, I have had a few symptoms but nothing too big. I am bloated which is mostly from the progesterone I think. Other than that, I don't really feel different. With the 4th of July weekend, Bobby and I haven't even had a chance to talk about it really. We are excited, and are hoping and praying that we can see this pregnancy through without complications. We're taking it day by day...but finally, finally, I can say that I am pregnant :-)

Oh, one thing...I am sort of keeping this on the dl outside of the blogworld, so if you're a facebook friend of mine...please don't congrats me and mention this little life changing event yet. I'm not telling work until later and some of the people I work with are on there. Plus it's so early that although I don't mind blogging about it, it feels weird to let the whole world know when it is so early and so much can happen still. I will update again after my appointment on Friday.

Till then....

2ww

2009-06-30T09:53:00.000-07:00

That stands for 2 week wait for those of you that don't speak infertile. It should be called the 2 worst weeks of waiting EVER!!! It is seriously torture waiting to take the beta test (pregnancy test).

I have decided that while I will report the outcome of this IVF round, I am not going to share the exact day that I go in for my test. I appreciate all the support I get and please, please keep praying for us. It's just...the first IVF, I got the call with my results while I was at work, late in the afternoon. I wasn't blogging then, so I had to call and relay the info to family and friends. That pretty much sucked!

The second round of IVF, I blogged. Which was a great because I didn't have to make the million phone calls. However, I was in Boise for the weekend, so I got the call while I was at McDonalds...which.....pretty much sucked. And everyone was waiting on pins and needles to find out the results, I felt obligated to instantly update the blog even though I felt really really terrible.

This time my plan is to go to my appointment quietly...no fanfare...go home and wait for my results. This way, if the results are not great, then I can grieve...by myself... where I can reflect on this process and get myself to a place where I can look to the future. If the results are positive, I will be holding my breath for 2 days until I can take the second test, and once I know I am pregnant for sure, I will shout it from the roof tops. I know the secrecy may seem silly but it is what feels right to me at this time.

Oh, I have had some symptoms during this 2ww, some good...some bad. I have had cramping and bloating, which I view as good because I am not really a crampy before my period kind of girl. Implantation maybe!?! However, I did breakout on my face a bit - in the exact same spot I always break out right before my period starts - Ugh! That's not a good symptom. Other than that, I feel pretty normal. I am getting more and more anxious for testing day to arrive and hope and pray that this time will be my time...that this time I won't hear the words "Miss Jennifer, it's not good honey".

Till next time....

Day after

2009-06-23T14:47:00.000-07:00

Today is the day after transfer. After all this time and with our track record, you would think I would be able to relay some story about the terrible things that went wrong on transfer day and how we are dealing with them...only this time there is nothing to relay. In fact transfer day went by without any complications (weird for us) and even had some perks.

So, we went in and were told that we still had 5 embies going. 3 were perfect, perfect, the highest grading you can get for a day 5. The 4th one was nearly perfect and the 5th was lagging. We talked to the Doc about our options - how many to transfer, freeze, etc. We asked him if he would still recommend transferring more than 3 and he said no. Because these embies are such good quality and they are fresh (versus the frozen we transferred last time) that he wouldn't want to risk transferring 4. We took the Doc's advice and stuck with transferring 3 (which is a rare thing at this clinic anyway). The other 2 will continue to grow and then based on their quality we will decided whether or not to freeze them.

At this point I had already consumed my 32 ounces of water and was feeling the need to go...Finally I was taken into the op room and had to empty my bladder 2 and a half times. I guessed it would be 3 times based on how uncomfortable I was, but 2 and a half is still a lot. The transfer went smoothly. Oddly quiet. With really pretty music in the background.

I waited in the recovery room for the 20 minutes they let you lay still. Then they let us leave. Simple as that. No drama. Weird...for us anyway.

We went and checked into a hotel. We had stayed at this particular hotel once before, and found it to have everything we needed. By that I mean, room service, clean comfy beds, and pay per view movies. Unfortunately once we were checked into said room, we opened the armoire to find a teeny tiny tv and no pay per view. Aw man...down to the lobby Bobby went (that's funny, lobby Bobby haha) anyway, he fought with them and needless to say we left that particular hotel and ended up at a different hotel that assured us they had ppv. Bobby was a little tense and mentioned I was pretty much on bed rest. I think they sensed his tension because they had us upgraded to a suite for free. Sa- weeeet! The hotel stay was wonderful and relaxing. We caught up on movies we had been wanting to see. I ate my pineapple that I had carted there in a cooler. General happiness was the mood.

My blogs aren't nearly as funny when things go smoothly and I can't remark snarkely on events, but I can say that I'm happy things have finally, finally gone right for once. Maybe this is a sign of things to come. I am taking it really easy today, and tomorrow I will work from home so I can rest throughout the day.

I am sure I will be updating throughout these long days of waiting....Till then....

Chuggin' along

2009-06-20T15:43:00.001-07:00

Well, it looks like we still have all 6 embryos. 5 of them are at 8 cell (which is where they should be today) and 1 is only at 4 cell. I am thrilled that they are all still "active" and can't believe that we still have 6. I'm holding my breath, waiting and hoping that by day 5 we will have enough quality embryos to transfer.

My last acupuncture appt. went really well. We did the cupping again, and I can still feel the relief in my shoulders and back. I asked her about the pineapple theory and she told me that she knows in South America they eat it for it's anti-inflammatory purposes and she had heard that the core could assist in implantation because of the bromelian. So, she said she didn't think it would hurt anything to buy an organic pineapple, divide it into 5 portions (core and all) and eat 1 portion a day for five days starting today and going for 3 days past transfer. So, today I ate my organic pineapple and enjoyed it very much :-)

She also told me to try to eat organic as much as possible - ummmm...I went to the Co-op and organic is expensive. So I am trying to incorporate organic items into my meals as best I can (and as much as I can afford). But the best thing she told me to do was to get a big fatty-grass-fed piece of beef and grill it up for Father's Day - yay for red meat! I seriously had a dream the other night that I worked in a meat hanger and I moved fresh juicy red meat out of the way so people could walk through the hanger. That was my job...meat mover. I'm thinkin I need a little red meat in my life again. Granted, this is only for one night and I am still to limit my intake after transfer, but I will enjoy every juicy bite.

Also, poor Bobby found out he has a kidney infection. Boo to that. I was a not-so-great wife and kind of didn't believe that he was sick. I merely thought he was internalizing the stress of this week. Well, turns out not everything is about IVF in our lives and he in fact was not internalizing and was indeed very sick. Now he is totally conked out and I am left with a huge feeling of guilt for not initially believing him. I think all is forgiven as I went out and bought him some yummy peanut butter and chocolate ice cream and have let him sleep most of the day.

We won't hear anymore until Monday...or otherwise known as transfer day (dun dun dunnnnn). They will call us first thing in the am and let us know what survived and if we can transfer that day and then will instruct us on the time to arrive at the office. Please, please pray and think good thoughts for these little embryos to keep chuggin' along...I will update on Monday if I can, otherwise you can expect a little somethin, somethin on Tuesday.

Egg/Embryo Update

2009-06-18T11:52:00.000-07:00

So, I got the call from my nurse letting me know what the status was on my eggs yesterday and the embryos today.

They were actually able to retrieve 16 eggs, and let me tell ya...I am feeling some pain from the extraction - ouch! Out of the 16 eggs only 10 were mature. Go Doc (he totally guessed 10)! So out of the 10 mature eggs, sadly only 6 fertilized (all with the help of our little friend ICSI).

Ugh! 6 little embryos. Some of you may think - wow! 6 is great. But let me break it down for ya. I have 6 today - only about half tend to make it to day 3 (Saturday), out of those...only about half (if that many) will make it to day 5, which is my transfer day. That means I will Maybe, Maybe have 1 embryo on transfer day of which the quality is yet to be determined. Please don't think I am getting down and being all negative and whatever...it's just, being through this several times before has made me face the reality of the situation. I will most likely be using my frosties.

On to other things...I have a new pill/shot regimen: I now get to have the big fatty-mcfatterson progesterone shot in my backside/hip area on a nightly basis. I also take doxycyclene (pill) twice a day, medrol (pill) once a day, and my prenatal vitamin.

I also have a new one...well, not actually new. I took it during my frozen cycle, but haven't taken it for a fresh cycle. Ok, so I'm taking Estrace 2 Mg (pill taken orally) and 1Mg (pill inserted into the va-jay-jay). Yep, you heard right. I get to stick a pill "deep" (as the nurse described to me) into my lady area every night before bed. The Doc thinks adding the Estrace will help with the implantation. Bring it on - anything to help at this point is welcome.

I have my last acupuncture appointment tonight. I am kind of sad that this is the last one, because I really enjoyed my time there. My acupuncture person told me that if this doesn't work out, I should start acupuncture again, and next time she will mix in Chinese herbs. I am considering this, as I've tried everything else under the moon, and frankly the acupuncture relaxes me to a point I haven't been at for years so if anything. at least I'll get that benefit.

Oh, and did I mention I am feeling the pain from yesterday. I don't know if I didn't sit still enough yesterday or what, but my tummy hurts. And last night I had to get up to use the bathroom and I must have been sleeping in a balled up position because when I straightened out to stand up, I cried from the pain. Today it is a little better, but still not lovin' how I'm feeling.

I would have stayed home and rested today but the lovely University I work for has decided that instead of sending out our lay-off letters, the Deans would hand deliver them to us and have a private meeting with each person. Mandatory Meeting. Today. So in to work I dragged myself, just so I can get "officially laid off". Today sucks! I do have 6 months left and just found out that I am 99% going to have my job extended for one full year and if we can find grants we can transition into a self-sustaining unit - but it still sucks to lose your job to budget cuts regardless.

I am having a little pity party apparentally...won't you join me?

I will update on Saturday with news of my acupuncture and the update on the embies.

Rolling veins are just no fun

2009-06-17T15:18:00.000-07:00

Today was the big retrieval day. We got there at 7:30ish and the waiting room was still full of people - mostly of the female variety. This did not sit well with Bobby since he was there to do some business and the the fact that everyone in the room knew that (because why else would they call him back into "the room") really bothered him this time. He was a trooper and muddled through, but snuck out the back door and gave me a covert call on my cell phone to tell me to meet him in the lobby. Too funny.

I chatted with Nicole and another nice person while waiting for Bobby and the other person had also heard of the pineapple thing. Her friend tried it during her 5th cycle at a different clinic and swears it worked. Apparently you are supposed to eat it after transfer because it aids in implantation. I asked the nurses what they thought about it and they said they hadn't heard anything about pineapple. I told them that they might start hearing about it because I was talking about it rather loudly in the waiting room, and let's be honest....tell a bunch of desperate infertiles that pineapple is a magical helper and there just might be a mad rush of women buying pineapple.

So anyway, we left the office for awhile, and arrived back just before 9am. I changed into the gown, robe, hair net, and socks -yes, I did steal them this time :-) Then I waited for the anesthesiologist. When it was time for my iv I explained that everytime they have tried it on my left hand, the vein has rolled back and it hasn't worked. So this time they tried my right hand...wouldn't you know it - that darn vein rolled back and it didn't work. Instead of attempting on my left hand, they just decided to put it in my arm - ouch! It stung. Bad.

I also told them that the last time I had retrieval I got really sick on the car ride home. They gave me some anti-nausea stuff in my iv, but concluded that I most likely got sick because that was the start of my hyperstim. Hmmm...looking back, that makes sense.

After the retrieval, I was wheeled into recovery. I ate my little crackers and had my juice. I was feeling the pain so they gave me a ty.len.ol with codeine - mmm that's better... Then they told us they were able to retrieve 15 eggs. Not too shabby. The first time we only got 12, and the second time we got 30-something, so 15 was sounding pretty ok to me. I know that the chances of them being mature are minimal, but for now I am going to think they were all mature and will all be fertilized. I'll get the call tomorrow to tell me the exact numbers and of course will relay all that info to all of you.

Sorry, I can't come up with anything witty or humorous this blog...I'm still feeling a bit sore and just attempted to eat lunch, which I am now realizing may have been hasty and quite possibly not my best decision of the day.

Till tomorrow...

Anniversary - woo hoo!

2009-06-16T14:23:00.000-07:00

Ok, so my anniversary really has nothing to do with all this IVF related hulabullo, but today is my 8 year anniversary none the less. And oh, Bobby would kick me for that statement, because it is actually "our anniversary" not just mine but for some reason I like to claim it as such :-)

So, my appointment today went ok. Nothing out of the ordinary. The left follicles are still stubborn and not cooperating in any way, shape or form. My right ones are inching along. The Doc said that he is going to predict 10, but when my nurse called that number was revised to a 6. Yikes...I guess that's better than none and I guess the one thing I have on my side is that nothing has gone the way they think so far, so maybe my ovaries will surprise them and pump out some stellar eggs.

She told me that I can be rest assured that I will not be hyperstimming this time. (Well, there's some good news.) My estrogen level is around 2400, and when I hypserstimmed it peaked at 6300. I'm feeling pretty good about that not happening again. And she just kept reminding me that there are all of my frozen embies ready to go. I think they were expecting me to be more upset at the news that this may be a bum fresh cycle, and honestly...at this point...you can't really tell me much that will bring me down. I've heard it all this past year and just feel like I can roll with whatever comes my way.

Same plan (as previously posted) for tomorrow morning...nothing new there. Oh, and in my IVF forgetfulness, I forgot to ask about the pineapple. I will definitely do that tomorrow. I will of course post tomorrow night - pardon me in advance if the post is a weird one...I may still be doped up when I decide to share my info. Till then....

Trigger shot tonight

2009-06-15T14:34:00.000-07:00

That's right...tonight I don't have to give any of my other shots. Instead, Bobby will give me my trigger shot. This shot is high dose HCG and it basically triggers ovulation 30-some hours after you give it. I was instructed to give mine at 11pm, which means my retrieval will be at 10am on Wednesday.

The great news about this is that I don't have to have any shots tomorrow, which also happens to be my anniversary. Awesome. We could actually go to dinner without me having to excuse myself to give shots in some restaurant bathroom stall - woo hoo!

The kind of sucky thing is that I had to cancel my Wed. acupuncture appt. So I will only have one more acupuncture before my transfer. Aw well, I gave it my best shot and hopefully the appointments I have had so far will prove to be beneficial.

Ok, so let's talk follicles. Sadly my left ovary has decided to stop working. Poor little bugger just didn't have it in him for the long haul. None of the follicles on the left have grown. Boo to that!

The righty was doing ok. Still a slow grower - none of the follicles are where the doc wants them to be but we can't push them anymore so it looks like they are as good as they will get. He told me they were aiming for 20 follicles total and I will probably end up with between 5 to 10. Which of course means less eggs, and possibly no mature eggs. You would think at this point I would be freaking out, but my saving grace is having all of the little frozen embryos. I know that no matter what, we will be transferring good embryos, and at this point that feels pretty good.

I am pretty tired this week. Driving back and forth to Spokane everyday wears on me - which in turn has made me sort of stupid. I have been forgetful, um...I forgot that I talked to my sister in what I can only conclude was a pretty in depth conversation and I've also been a bit clumsy...walking into doors and such. But honestly, that is about it for the side effects.

Oh, and I have a new little tip that I read online...apparently pineapple (mainly the core) is supposed to be very helpful in the implantation process. I am going to confirm this webformation (that's a little term I like to use regarding information I find on the web) tomorrow at my appt. But hey, I like pineapple so if it will help even a little, then serve me up some yummy fruity goodness :-)

Ok, here's the rest of week:
- Ultrasound and labs tomorrow to confirm I am still on track for retrieval and to rest assured that my body hasn't decided to spontaneously decided to ovulate
- Tomorrow night is freedom from shots or anything IVF related
- Wednesday morning is up to Spokane by 7:30 so Bobby can make his big debut in this lovely production, then probably breakfast for Bobby while I talk about how hungry I am because I can't eat but let him eat in front of me anyway because we are in Spokane so stinking early that nothing else is open and we have time to kill. Then back to the Dr office by 9am so they can get the iv in and wheel me in for my 10am retrieval.
- Wed. night starts my progesterone shots (yep the big huge ones that I really don't care for)

I will update tomorrow after my appointment, 'till then....

Grow Follicles, Grow

2009-06-12T16:03:00.000-07:00

So I had my appointment today and it was same old, same old. The Doc was concerned because pretty much all of the follicles on my left ovary are the same size they were two days ago. Luckily my right ovary has decided to take over, but it too is lagging. My follicles are simply not growing. I think I have 2 on my right ovary that have grown a little, but they aren't where they should be. The Doc said that we will probably up the dosage of my follistum, but we would have to wait to see what my bloodwork says. He also warned me that we are probably going to have little to no mature eggs this time.

I got the call from my nurse and she said to keep all my dosages the same. Confused...I told her what the doc had said and asked if she was sure I shouldn't up my dosage. She said they don't want to up the dosage because my numbers are where they should be and they don't want to elevate them because then I will hyperstim. Ugh! Why won't my darn body just cooperate one time...one stinkin time!?!

My nurse told me not too worry because we do have our frozen embies so if we have to thaw some of those, then that's what we'll do. Thanks, but that doesn't really make me feel better since I'm possibly pumping my body full of hormones for what might turn out to be nothing. Grrr....

On another note....My friend Nicole and I were talking in the waiting room and we both agreed that sometime people say the weirdest things to infertiles and/or adoptive parents. I thought I would include a little list of things not to say for those of you that might not know.

* (side note) I am out of the ordinary when it comes to infertility. We adopted, so the fact that we are reproducing-challenged is no secret. I am an open book when it comes to questions, and feel like I can educate people on this process. I am the Exception the the Rule. A good majority of infertile women feel this is a very very private issue. They don't like personal questions, and most don't like to share their experience. The reason for this side note is because I don't want people to look at this list and suddenly feel afraid to ask me things. I am just putting this out there so you'll know what Not to say...

Things NOT to say to:

People trying to have a baby (before any ART):

- "Just relax"

- "Don't try so hard" (my personal favorite)

- "You've only been trying for" (fill in the amount of time here), give it time."

*all of the above statements make you feel like it is in someway your fault for not getting pregnant when in actuality, it is probably out of your hands.

People going through IVF or adoption:

- "So who has the problem, you or your husband?" (really? Why do you need to know this?)

- "I would never implant more than one embryo" (never say never. You truly don't know until
you've been there)

- "I know a friend of my cousin who did IVF, got pregnant the first time, and then got pregnant
again shortly after. Once her body knew how to be pregnant, it happened naturally." (there
are soooo many reasons why this statement is stupid. Don't say this to me, because if it did
happen, then it is rare and most likely won't happen for me.)

- "Oh, don't you know once you adopt you'll get pregnant? It's because you aren't worrying
about it anymore." (If only it were that simple.)

- "If it doesn't work, you could always adopt". (Really? Thanks. That never occurred to me.
Obviously I know I can adopt. And by the way, for some people, adoption isn't plan B. For us,
it was our first choice. Please don't imply to me that adoption is some sort of second place
prize.)

- "It will all be worth it in the end". (will it? How do you know? Even my Dr. isn't so sure about
that.)

There are many, many more, but I wanted to post the most common. If anyone wants to add comments that they have heard, feel free. I know most people mean well, and aren't trying to be insensitive. I just thought I would throw these out there in case you ever catch yourself wanting to say one of them :-)

Next Appointment is on Sunday. Grow Follies Grow.

Cupping and other such things...

2009-06-10T14:40:00.001-07:00

Ok, the cupping actually has to do with my acupuncture appt. but first I will give the deets on my dr. appointment.

Monday I got the call from my nurse that everything was going ok and to keep up with my same dosages/shots. So no news there. Today I had another appointment in Spokane, and it was nice because my friend Nicole was there (yay!). We didn't get to talk too long unfortunately, but still, it was nice to see a friendly face.

Anyway, at my appointment, the Dr. was doing my ultrasound and hemmed and hawed (never a good sign, I have learned). He said my endometrium was finally starting to build up (good) but I only had one follicle on my right ovary that measured over 11 and they all should be measuring over 11 by today (not so good). He asked me why I always had to cause him trouble, and I told him I was just trying to keep him on his toes. (*fake laugh by the doc here) He said we would wait and see what my bloodwork looks like and that I would get instructions from my nurse. Since this isn't my first go-a-round I knew that when my nurse called she would instruct me to up the dosage of my follistum, I just wasn't sure by how much. Oh, but the great news is it looks like my right ovary is back in the game and just might produce some mighty fine eggs :-)

When my nurse called (actually it wasn't my nurse, it was another nurse Debbie - but that's ok by me and not really important to this story in anyway, shape or form) anywho, when she called, I was in my acupuncture appt. so she left me a msg. and told me to up the dosage of my follistum (who's a smarty pants?) to 50, and leave my other dosages the same. Looks like more hormones for me. (*sigh)

Now onto my acupuncture, which I must say has piqued quite the interest with people.

Last night I went in and she did the normal, look at my tongue, take my pulse thing. Then I layed down and she put the needles in. I had a few different spots this time. She pressed really hard on the upper cartilage of my ear and I yelped so she stuck a needle in there and told me that was a pressure point for my uterus. I told her that my uterus must hurt because that didn't feel great (poor uterus has been through so much). On my other ear/uterus point, she placed this seed pod. A seed pod is a seed on this sticky tape-like-thing. She told me to massage it gently every now and then and she would take it off the next day. Pretty basic appointment.

Today I went back for my second appointment of acupuncture this week. This one was a little different. I layed down and she was asking about my stress. I said I felt pretty good, but I might be under a little stress. Then she asked me to lay on my side and she felt all the muscle in my back and shoulders. She told me that my muscles were hard as rocks and she wanted to try cupping before we inserted the needles. Um, cupping? Is that anything like spooning, 'cause I'm good thanks.... She had me sit in a chair with my head resting on a pillow on a table in front of me. (oh, I had to take off my shirt, and at this point I still had no idea what cupping was - aren't I trusting?). Then she proceeded to place about 8 small glass cups on my back and shoulders, and as she placed them, she used this suction thingy to suck all the air out of the cups so they were suctioned cupped to my body - can you say weird?

I have to say the cupping wasn't pleasant...at first. It felt like you had a really bad sunburn and someone came up and scratched you over and over...you know that kind of burning/stinging/ouchiness? Well that's what it felt like for the first few minutes. Then that went away and suddenly there was a really warm sensation that was happening. I was just starting to fall asleep when she came in and told me it was time to remove the cups - ah, well. She did say that I might have mild bruising on some spots. That will be a fun one to explain (lol).
Anyway, she proceeded with my acupuncture, I had a nice little nappy, and before I left she placed a seed pod in the other ear.
Here is a pic of the cupping - these aren't ouchy bruises. more like temporary hickies :-)
Upcoming events for me: Doc. appt on Friday in Spokane, then another one on Sunday. Retrieval is set for Tuesday, then acupuncture on Wed. and Thursday. Man this round of IVF is going by really fast (and I'm not complaining!).

First side effect has made it's debut...

2009-06-08T10:58:00.000-07:00

I had an appointment in Spokane today, so I was up at 4:3o and out the door just before 5am. I know that I don't really need to get there early (and by early, I mean about 5 or 10 minutes earlier than the 7am appointment) since I'm just coming home after my appointments and not rushing off to work, but I am an impatient person. I'm a person who hates to wait. And since this series has lots of women going through, I thought it best for my own sanity to try to arrive a little early to reduce my wait time. Boy was I glad that I made that decision! I only waited about 5 minutes, but the people were streaming in as I was walking out.

I had labs and ultrasound today. The Doc had his usual cheery bedside manner (sense the sarcasm, please). He did say that it looks like I have some polyps, although it is hard to see on this type of ultrasound. He also said my endometrium isn't building up yet and there was some liquid in my uterus. That could be because I finally just finished my period (yep it was well over a week long) - he assured me that this isn't something we need to worry about at this point. I had 15 follies on my left ovary and still only 6 on my right. Come-on right ovary, the left one is kicking your ass!

I haven't heard from my nurse yet, and I usually wait to blog until that point - but let's be honest, there are a ton of women going through this series and somehow I ended up marrying someone with a W last name, which means I am at the end of the calling list (they go alphabetical). So I don't expect my phone call until sometime late this afternoon. I will update what my nurse says when I update about my acupuncture tomorrow.

Oh, and I officially have a side effect. I think the technical term is "hot flash", but I like to refer to this particular side effect as the "hellish inferno that is taking over my body from the inside out with no relief in site" - I am frikkin hot - and not hot like a "oooh, look at my ass in these jeans" kind of hot...I am hot....like a sizzling piece of bacon in a fry pan kind of hot. I am so hot that when I stopped at Wi.nc.o on my way home I spent an unusual amount of time leaning into the milk bin to cool myself off. I was asked to step out of the way....twice...and I didn't care because it was such sweet, sweet relief.

Till next time......

One appointment down, many more to go...

2009-06-06T17:51:00.001-07:00

I had my second acupuncture appointment this past week and it went really great. She put the needles in a few different spots from last time, told me to continue to cut the dairy and red meat, and keep up the soaking of my feet. I scheduled all of my upcoming appointments before I left and I had to put some on back to back days, which she assured me would be ok. I really love the acupuncture. I don't know if it's doing anything, but I can say that it is very relaxing and every time I am in there I try to mentally envision any blockages of blood, energy, what-have-you moving out of the way and clearing a path of goodness to my uterus....well, that and sometimes I take a little nappy :-)

I also had my appointment to kick off this IVF series. I drove to Spokane bright and early Friday morning. I was happy to see that there weren't too many people in the waiting room. I had my blood drawn (aka "labs") and my super quick ultrasound - for those of you new to this blog, that would be an internal ultrasound with the big giant wand thingy - yuck! Things look good, so the Doc says. I have 10 follicles on my left ovary and 6 on my right. I thought this was a bit odd because my left ovary is sort of bench warmer - stands off to the side, never really does much, but I guess it has finally decided to get in the game.

I left my appointment and headed to my ever-relaxing spa day. I had a pedicure, a bikini wax (because let's face it...the bikini area is getting lots of coverage now-days with all the appointments and what-not), and a massage. I left there with pretty toes and a relaxed body and mind.

Last night I had to add 2 more shots into the mix. I normally inject 20 of Lupron, but that was knocked down to just 5 (yay!). Then I added 25 of Follistum, and 1 vial of Menopur - stings like a freakin-mo-fo! I seriously don't know why, but the Menopur just really stings. I let it sit for awhile, which helped last time, but that didn't seem to do the trick this time. Any tips on this one would be appreciated.

I talked to my nurse, with great concern in my voice, about how I am worried that I will hyperstim again. She assured me that they are watching me very closely and that they only prescribed 25 of Follistum when last time I had 75. That did seem to relieve my worries a bit.

My upcoming week is super busy...I have a Dr. appt in Spokane on Monday, Wednesday, Friday and next Sunday. I also have acupuncture on Tuesday and Wednesday of the upcoming week. Busy, busy, busy.

I will update again after my appt. on Monday.

Oh, and I am happy to report NO side effects so far on any of my injections. No Lupron headache, no extreme bitchiness, even my sleepiness has gone away. In fact, I feel downright energetic! Maybe the acupuncture is helping, maybe the change in my diet - whatever it is, it's bliss!

You want to look at my tongue?

2009-05-30T11:54:00.000-07:00

So today was my first acupuncture appointment, and it was actually pretty interesting. My Acupuncturist (is that what they are called?) was a super nice women who really put me at ease. She took me back to the exam room, which actually resembled a massage room at a spa - very nice. Then she had me sit and asked me to stick out my tongue. Ok, that's a little weird.

I guess the tongue says a lot about you. The shape, color, and texture can be very telling. She didn't tell me what my tongue said to her, and I was so intrigued by the question that I think I forgot to ask. Then we talked...a lot. I answered a ton of questions - mostly about my cycle, failed attempts, etc. Then it was time for the needles.

I layed down on the massage table and she lifted my shirt to expose my lower belly area. Then she put this heat lamp over the same area. It felt good and warm :-) Then she started pushing on different areas of my arms and legs asking me which areas felt sensitive to her pushing. When I indicated an area, she put a needle in. There were several on my feet, some on on my ankles, by my knees, one in my abdomen, a couple in my wrists/arms, shoulders, ears and one in my forehead. Then she left me there. I took a little nap, the heat lamp induced it I'm sure, and before I knew it she came back to check, turn the needles a bit, take my pulse (she checked my pulse a lot) and then left me alone for another 10 minutes. All in all I think I was in there with the needles in for about 40 or 45 minutes. Then she came back in and took the needles out.

She did have some instructions for me. I am supposed to soak my feet (from just below my shin, down) in warm water for 10 minutes every night. I should put a hot water bottle over my lower abdomen for about 1 hour 3 times a week. I have to cut out all dairy because I am getting too much animal protein from dairy and I am supposed to scale back other animal protein. So that's what I'm going to do. It's worth a try right? I will visit with her once a week up until retrieval and then I think I'll go twice before transfer and once after, but we'll play that by ear.

All in all, I have to say I think I like acupuncture. I left there feeling relaxed - like I had just had a massage. And I think I have tried everything else under the sun...maybe this is something that will help me in the IVF process.

For the inquisitive minds

2009-05-28T12:44:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I have had a few people send me e-mails asking if I ever heard back about whether or not you can do the spa thing while partaking in an IVF series. This is what my nurse told me.

That they recommend doing any sort of massage or pedicure at least 1 week prior to egg retrieval. I guess when you get a massage/pedicure there are toxins released in your body (the massage is supposed to rid the toxins). My nurse advised me that it could take a week (on the safe side) for my body to rid itself of those toxins. I am sure other doctor's might say it's ok, but I know my doctor's office tends to be overly cautious - which I don't mind.

So, my nurse told me if I was going to the spa thing I would have to do it next week. So I got on the phone and made my appointment for the 5th. Yay me!
I have to go to the doc on the 5th anyway, so this works out perfect because I can just go directly after. This is a weekday however, and because of that, I am going solo. I'm sad that my friend Nicole can't go with me, but at the same time it gives me an excuse to go again with her at a later date.

Well, I hope that answers any questions that some of you other IVFers had. I would always check with your own doc to find out what they say, everyone is different.

Bring on the side effects

2009-05-27T12:16:00.000-07:00

Ugh! I say "ugh" because that is the only word to describe how I am feeling. Maybe "blah" would be accurate as well, but "ugh" definitely does the trick. The Lupron side effects have started. I really thought I might avoid them, but realize now that I am simply not that lucky of a person.

I have been feeling sleepy...and when I say sleepy, I mean a "want to fall asleep all the time" kind-of sleepy. A "I'm about to take a big fat nap on the rug in my office" kind-of sleepy.
My memory was so consumed with the thought of my terrible Lupron headache that I completely forgot how tired it makes me. Add in the fact that I haven't slept well because of a little thing I like to call horrendous night sweating/hot flashes; also due to my lovely friend Lupron.

Luckily so far the sleepiness and overall sweatiness are the only side effects. Bobby might say that I have gotten a little "short tempered", I would argue with that - and maybe that proves his point :-)

Tonight is my last night on my bc pills and then I will have a breakthrough bleed, of which I am to report to my nurse as soon as it happens. It's so weird to call someone on the phone just to tell that that you started your period. But like a good little IVFer, I will do what I am told to do.

I called my nurse to get the ok for a spa day - thanks to my lovely sister, I now am the owner of a super fantastic spa gift certificate that I literally cannot wait to use! I have heard mixed reviews about getting massages and pedicures during IVF and I just want to make sure that I am cleared to go. I haven't heard back yet; I suppose my inquiry about a day of pampering doesn't rank right at the top of my nurses list of people to call back immediately; but she clearly does not understand the importance of this all to relaxing retreat.

Once again, I am taking it easy this go-around. I won't work the days I have appointments, instead I'm thinking some long naps in the hammock are in order. I have a ton of sick days that I've saved up and since I can't take them with me when my job ends, now is the perfect time to use them.

I have to admit that I am getting a little excited for this series. I really wasn't looking forward to it until recently. In fact, I had kind of resigned myself to going through the motions because since the Dr. didn't seem overly confident and still can't tell us why we aren't getting pregnant, I just started thinking this time wouldn't work. But now, every now and then, I catch myself thinking "omigosh! This could work and I could be pregnant in a month." And while I'm thinking that, I feel a flutter of excitement in stomach. Damn my optimism. I'm glad it's coming back and I am feeling hopeful - but I'm really hoping that I'm not setting myself for a great disappointment.

Ok, I've blabbed enough for today. Acupuncture on Saturday - woo hoo!

Shots started

2009-05-26T10:14:00.000-07:00

My injections started on Sunday night and they went pretty smoothly. At this point I am only giving myself one shot each evening at 7pm (along with taking my bc and prenatal). I'm giving myself a 20Iu dose of Lupron. I haven't really had side effects yet. I normally get a pretty bad headache from Lupron but it hasn't shown up yet. There isn't too much to report and the shots are pretty uneventful. Everytime, I get a little nervous just before because I feel like I have forgotten how to give them...but then I guess it's sort of like riding a bike, it all comes back really quickly.

I start my acupuncture this Saturday and I'm pretty stoked about it. I'm not sure if it will help or not, but it's worth a try. My appointments in Spokane don't start until I add my other 2 shots - I believe June 5th is my first appointment. I will update later this week and let you all know how it is going and how the acupuncture appointment went. I'm thinking I'm in need of another spa day as well :-)

Calendar Change

2009-05-19T10:21:00.000-07:00

I got a call from my nurse bright and early this morning...unfortunately I was trying to wrangle Connor into his clothes and missed the call, but she did leave a message. She said that they need to move everything on my calendar up by 2 days. *deflation here*

It's not that big of a deal, it's just that my calendar was perfect, and by perfect, I mean it fit my schedule great. But now it's all 'not perfect'. Now I will be starting my shots on May 24th (1 day before my b-day instead of after) - our retrieval which was set for the 18th is now the 16th, which just so happens to be my anniversary. Not a fan of having an outpatient procedure on my anniversary...really, it is not romantic at all. And now I probably won't have appointments with my fun friend Nicole. Boo to that, I was looking forward to having someone to talk to. I suspect it has something to do with the rather large group of people they have in this series, but I will know more when I speak with my nurse. I'll keep you all posted. For now, it looks like my shots will be starting in 6 days...Here we go again :-)

A little cramping my ass!

2009-05-14T10:03:00.000-07:00

So I had my hysteroscopy yesterday. I made two mistakes regarding this event.
#1 being I told Bobby I could go by myself. I was fully convinced that they would take one look and say I needed a D & C and I would be on my merry way...no pain.
#2 was listening to the Dr. when he said I would have a little cramping. I already knew this to be untrue, I had, after all, already had 4 or 5 previous hysterscopes (I've lost count at this point) and yet when he uttered the words "little cramping", I latched onto them and believed them to be true.

Well, this is what actually happened...I went in, changed into gown, robe and other various sterile accessories. I climbed up on the table and the new nurse was trying to talk me through how to position myself and I interrupted her and had to point out I was already in position...let's get this thing started. My legs were placed in the stirrups, vajayjay light was turned on and then....I waited. Yep, I waited there for 10 minutes while my lovely Dr. was on the phone - grrrr....at least let me put my legs down!

Anyway, the Dr. finally came in and said "ok, today we're going to take a look and see if you have any polyps" - Ok doc, I think we already know there are polyps in there, the question is "how many?". So (this is the part he warns me of a little cramping) they fill me with gas and send the long needle with a light thing up into my lady areas.

The first obstacle was tissue connecting the top and bottom of my "rather small" cervix (k, I have a small cervix and a small uterus. these are facts I know, and yet the Dr. has to tell me every time like it is a new discovery). Anyway he grabs these super long scissor things, inserts them and clips this tissue off and then comments that he's had to do that every time. Say what now?!? I freak out a little and he assures me it's just one of those things. Ok I guess.

So now I'm watching (there's a monitor in which you can see it all) as he sticks the needle light thing into my uterus and might I say yuck! Polyps, stringy things and scar tissue abound. He says "yep, you have some polyps". mmmmhmmmm...this I am aware of. What are we going to do? He says that we are going to take care of them right then and there since there are fewer than last time, but still so many that they will cause a problem. He told me there are 2 really large ones that he will snip out with the scissors and the others he will scrape off. I said, "so I won't need a D & C?" and he told me that we are basically doing the D & C right then and there, that we could because there weren't as many polyps and that it will save me money in the long run. Save me money? That statement made me happy...so happy in fact, I completely forgot that at my last D & C I was put under and this time I would have to sedation what so ever.

It took 1 hour. 1 hour people! It was excruciating. When he snipped my polyps I cried out, when he scraped the interior of my uterus I cried out. When they filled me with gas and then liquid to clean out all the blood, I cried out. I really think he was feeling bad for me, he kept saying "sorry, almost there". 1 hour! They did take a break in the middle to give me rest and just when I felt a little better, they started up again. I was sweating, shaking, and the whole time thinking "I wonder if this is what labor feels like...intense, painful contractions in my uterus, some guy's hand all in my lady parts, everyone in the room telling me that I'm almost there" hmmmm.

Anyway, when it was over I asked him if he got all of the polyps and he said that it's hard to say. He certainly gave them chase, but at a certain point it gets so bloody and shredded in there that you can't see much. Ok, did he just use the term "shredded" when referring to my uterus. He said that he got most of them and definitely got the biggest ones. Well, thank you for that.

I was taken to change my clothes and then meet with my nurse. I felt a little woozy walking down the hallway, and was told to sit and was given a big glass of water and some ale.eve. My nurse went over what just happened and told me that the reason the Doc didn't want to do a full-put me under-D & C, was because the last time it didn't seem to make a difference and by doing it again, I could get more scar tissue and possibly another blood clot. My first round of IVF I had a few polyps and I actually had one of the embryos implant for a day or two so it doesn't appear a D & C is in my best interest. Then she said the good news, I didn't get cancelled. What!?! I didn't even know that was an option, but boy am I glad that I didn't get cancelled.

I am to call my nurse when I have a withdrawl (from bc) bleed - probably around May 29th. I start my Lupron shots on the 26th (I take bc for 3 days while on this). I did get my meds in the mail and cleaned and organized my Rubbermaid tub so that the old stuff is out and the new stuff is in. So basically I have 2 weeks till this all starts again.

Should have known

2009-05-08T10:52:00.000-07:00

I really should have expected my calendar because it seems every time I write on my blog that something hasn't happened yet, then *poof* it happens as soon as I log out. Case in point...as soon as I logged out yesterday, I got the call from my nurse that the calendar was being faxed to me as we speak. Now if only I could get it to work for other parts of my life...hmmmm..I haven't won the lottery yet. (check back tomorrow to see if it works!)

Anyway, thrilled to get my calendar. Seriously, it was like freakin Christmas at my house. I told pretty much everyone I know - my calendar's here, my calendar's here. (I hope you are sensing my elation). I don't know why I am so stinking euphoric about it this time. Maybe it's that I know this is my last time, that I have once again been renewed with hope, or that I can finally plan my life past the month of May. Whatever it is - it feels wonderful.

So, I will have 21 days of shots. That's more than the first series but less than the second since I actually had to go through 2 rounds of shots on the second series. I have 12 days of just Lupron shots and then 9 days of Lupron, Menopur and Follistum shots. Toward the end we'll throw in my trigger shot and progesterone shots and I will be full of hormones and lots of fun, I'm sure.

My shots start on May 26th - awesome because that's the day after my birthday. I will get to spend my birthday without worrying about this IVF stuff - yay! Then our trigger shot is due to happen on our anniversary, which sounds bad but has it's positives such as that is the last night we can have s.e.x and are actually told we should - Bobby is thrilled for obvious reasons. Retrieval will probably be on the 18th and transfer on the 23rd (most likely). It is all subject to change and let's be honest...it would be weird for me if this series goes smoothly because I haven't had much luck in the past.

I admit that I am a little sad that this is my last try - but feel I am reaching acceptance. I am also scared out of my mind that this fresh cycle will result in an overstim situation. They said they knocked my dosages way down, but not too far because then my eggs won't be mature and that they will monitor me closely. But still, overstim hurts....bad....so freakin bad. Let's all hope that I don't have to go down that road again.

Hysterscope is on May 13th (Wednesday) - I'm sure I will have news to report.

Slow days

2009-05-07T10:19:00.000-07:00

I still have not received my calendar. I know they are finishing a series, but c'mon...don't they know I am anxiously waiting. I suspect that I won't actually get it until after my hysterscope next Wednesday because things may have changed based on what they see.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that my hysterscope is in fact going to be covered by my insurance - yay! What a relief, especially since recent events have made me stress a little bit about money.

That's all everyone...I know this was probably the most super exciting blog you have ever read :-)

Things will be picking up next week, so you can expect to see blogs from me more often.

Yikes!

2009-05-01T10:59:00.000-07:00

So, not too much new on the IVF front - my day 3 tests looked "spectacular", I am still awaiting my calendar and my hysterscope has been scheduled for May 13th. All and all that is about it for news about my next series.

I would like to share that I won't have to worry about the stress of losing my job during this series (as I mentioned in an earlier post) because I found out yesterday that I am, in fact, being let go. Ugh! (feel my deflation here).

Our entire unit is being "dissolved" and they will no longer be extending our appointments. Which is fancy way of saying - due to budget cuts, you're out! I feel so many things about this. I have worked here for 8 years, have always had exemplary reviews, and frankly enjoyed my cushy job. I had really flexible hours, could work from home, was able to take a ton of time off for IVF....I worry about what's next.

I did get 6 months notice (as is required for my position) so my last day isn't until Dec. 1 (my 6 months won't start until June 1). I have heard of a few jobs here on campus that I may be eligible to apply for, but the hiring freeze is still in effect and won't lift until fall sometime. I'm not so worried about my lack of income, although that is quite a blow, but more worried about lack of insurance - really worried. So I am looking for a job that has benefits, and also looking into buying health insurance, which I never realized was a complete rip off but now that I won't have insurance I finally see what all of the hullabaloo is over. Health insurance is mucho expensive and they don't even cover half the stuff my current insurance covers. Grrr....

I can say that I am soooooo relieved that we didn't decide to do 2 more IVF cycles - that would just have been too much stress. And I feel thankful for my family and very supportive husband who just "knows" everything will turn out ok.

As for me, I am going to rely on my spa day tomorrow and some girl time to boost my spirits.

Till next time....

Finally Aunt Flo!

2009-04-27T15:19:00.001-07:00

My lovely cycle started on Saturday - hallelujah!!! I was super excited about this, and tried to get Bobby to share my excitement, but he was so involved in the draft I don't think he could hear me hollering in the background :-)

I called my nurse but because it was the weekend and they are in the middle of a series I knew not to expect a call back until today. Well, I waited and waited and finally thought it wouldn't hurt to leave one more message for my nurse.

I just got a call back from her and she said that they wanted to do day 3 labs (blood work) on me, which means I will be headed to Spokane tomorrow (FYI day 3 labs can be taken on day 2, 3, or 4). I'm not sure why they want to do Day 3's on me - I needed them my first series, but I don't remember having them on my second series. I also could just be forgetful, because honestly all this IVF stuff is starting to run together. I should look back at my past blogs to see if I had day 3's the second time around. Ok, I'm getting off track.

So I will be starting my birth control pills tomorrow night and taking them until sometime in June. My nurse said that after tomorrow, she will be able to start working on my calendar and she can say for certain that my hysterscope won't be anytime in the next 2 weeks - which is great because it gives me time to go to my OB and get a referral.

On a side note - I am having a blah day. I don't know if it's because my hormones are still a little out of whack and add in that I just started my period...or maybe it's because if my first series of IVF would have worked, I would be having a baby right about now....or maybe it's that it seems everyone I know, that has a uterus, is pregnant or has just had a baby. Ok, maybe that was a little exaggerated, but sometimes it just feels like that. Freakin Spring - it seems babies are popping up everywhere.

I will blog when I know results from my day 3 and get my calendar. Till then.....

A little of this and that

2009-04-24T14:05:00.000-07:00

Well, my monthly friend still has not paid a visit - grrrrrr....I swear, when you are doing IVF, the only time you want your cycle to start is just prior to a new IVF series. Everything depends on the start date of your cycle and in my case it is taking its sweet ass time getting here. I look forward to this for many reasons: we can mentally get in IVF mode, we can order our meds, we basically get the ball rolling...but most importantly we get our calendar!

Ah, the calendar. This one piece of paper is the lifeline for IVF. It is the holy grail, if you will. The calendar has all of the information that will guide you, tell you your appointments, what and how much of your meds you should take, and it lets you plan. And for people like me (and you too Nicole :-) ) planning is soooo important. It gives you a sense of control over the whole thing when in reality you have no control what-so-ever. Now, all I need is for my darn period to start.....

On another IVF related note, I got a bill in the mail a couple days ago. "What the hell", you say...yes, what the hell indeed. I thought I was all paid up because at our appointment last week I wrote a check for the balance on our account (2 hysterscopes that insurance did not cover). But then I see an envelope in the mail and I think, "odd, what could they be sending me?". When I opened it I saw a "Welcome to your third series, in order to start your series you need to pay the following...blah blah blah...you need to send us $1800 for ICSI...blah blah...and send $600 to the anesthesiologist while your at it...blah blah ....oh and why not sign away the rights to your first born?

Ok, I made the last part up - but I was a little caught off guard by this letter. Not because I didn't know or expect these fees, but I had honestly forgotten about them. Rats! I only had the cost of the meds on my mind and was not happily reminded about these other fees.

The other night Bobby and I were talking about how we hope that I don't have to have another D and C. And while I was thinking, yeah I don't want to pay the money or have to go to a hospital and have a surgery...he said that he feels bad for my poor uterus.
What now huh?
Yes, he says..."you have to think that your uterus is completely beat up. I mean, you've had 3 D and C's and the last time the dr. had to scrape scar tissue off. It's like you uterus has been in a war".

Tee Hee, this made me laugh because in my head I pictured my uterus (which I have seen too many times to count, so yes, I can actually picture it) and it is all covered in scars and bandaids, maybe propped up on one side by a crutch........Yes, I am weird - but this picture of my war-torn uterus was just what I needed. I have put my body through a lot, and while it would be really easy to get mad at it for not cooperating in this baby-making process, maybe I should think of it as doing the best it can, fighting to help me get pregnant even if it lacks the ability, continuing on in the fight even if it's a losing battle. Go Uterus! (LOL - I told you I was weird)

Oh, and one more thing - I decided to do acupuncture this time. I figured we only have one shot left why not try everything ever reported to help increase the chances :-) If anyone has any other suggestions for things that might help us along, I'm open to hearing them.

Hopefully I will be able to post again soon and let you all know the details of my upcoming round.
Till then....

Drawing the line....

2009-04-16T13:54:00.000-07:00

Where we do we draw the line? (warning - this is a super super long post!)

That was the question of the day yesterday...But let me start from the beginning.

We had our follow-up, or as I've seen posted by other IVFers, our WTF, appointment yesterday. Bobby was able to go with me and I was happy to have him there. On the drive up we talked about what we thought the dr. would say and came to an agreement that no matter what, we were done with IVF after this next round...if it didn't work we would move forward with adoption - we were getting excited about adoption again...we were all smiles, hope and happiness.

We get to the appointment and as we are waiting Bobby sees a Newsweek that had this huge article on Epilepsy that he wanted to read. (this info isn't really important, but I refer back to it later). Just as we are about to read the article, the Dr. calls us back to his office.

We sit down and he starts talking to us about how we had 3 perfect embryos transferred and none implanted. Duh! We were there, tell us something we don't know. Then he said he's pretty sure that we are looking at an implantation/attachment issue which they can't really do anything about because that is the one area that they just don't have a lot of control over. He said that we were at a little disadvantage because of my overstim and having to do a frozen cycle (I guess your odds are a third of the odds of a fresh cycle). So, he says he wants to go ahead with a fresh cycle this next go-around.

I asked about my polyps and he said we would do another hysterscope to see how much they've grown. If not much, then he can put me on an endometrial suppression until we start the series, but if they have grown back then I'll need another D and C. We asked a bunch of questions...about assisted hatching - which he said wasn't really for our situation, although he did say that if this fresh didn't work and we did another fresh, that he would transfer 4 embryos on day 3. The only problem would be that if all 4 embryos took, we would have to do a "reduction" because of the size of my uterus (it's kind of small). This was a big fat "No" on our part, we would not do a day 3 because we would never consider reduction. That took care of that option.

Then we asked what he thought was going on and he said he really didn't know. That although it was most likely an attachment issue he can't say for certain. And that all 11 embryos that we froze were perfect quality, but it could be that they aren't progressing once in utero. That I have an "odd uterus". That we have stumped him and he can't tell us what is wrong. GRRRRR.....we went through this for either a pregnancy or closure (and by closure, I mean the Doc giving us a reason why after 6 years, we have yet to get pregnant.). Looks like we might not get either.

He felt so bad for us that he told us that if we wanted to pay the fee for the frozen transfer we did in March ($3500), that he wouldn't count that as one of our 3 tries and we could have 2 more fresh cycles. I heard this and I don't know if it was the money we would save or the chance to try "just one more time" after this next time, but it was like I had drunk the kool-aid...screw the plan Bobby and I had agreed on - I was on-board for this new option. We told the Doc that we would have to think about it, but in my mind I thought "heck yes, wrap it up, we'll take it".

Then he told us that if after the next 2 fresh cycles didn't work, we might need to consider a gestational host..dun dun dunnnnnnnnn! There it was. If it doesn't work soon, we are in fact in that 7% that can't get pregnant with IVF. If it didn't work the next 2 times, the doc thought we should explore that "host" option. We told him we weren't thrilled with the idea of having a host, although we might have one waiting in the wings, and that we would probably just rather pursue adoption. He looked at us like we were crazy and told us adoption wasn't a great choice.
* ok, read your chart buddy...because we have already adopted and it was wonderful *
He went on and on about how expensive adoption was (ummm...about $9000 less than what we've spent on not getting pregnant in his office) and how there are often a lot of complications - K, cause IVF has been so smooth for us. Finally I interrupted him and told him that we had already adopted and that pretty much rendered him speechless.
We talked a little longer, agreed to do the fresh cycle in June and then he took us to a room to meet with our nurse.

In the room, she said that we will be doing the long down regulation again, but this time I will be doing half the dose of meds that I did last time and they would monitor me more closely for hyperstim. I am to call the first day of my cycle, and start on birth control. At that point, we will schedule my hysterscope. Bobby and I asked her about the deal the Doc had offered us, and were wondering if we could wait to pay the $3500 until after we found out if the 3rd try worked. She said she would ask the finance people, but she thought it would be one of those "you pay it and if you get pregnant the third try you wouldn't get it back, so you kind of risk it kind of things". Kind of like the 3 times option, if you pay for 3 and get pregnant the first try, you don't get any sort of refund. We both kind of balked at this. If it did work, we will have paid an extra $3500 for nothing! We finished talking and then got up to leave. When we got to the elevator, I noticed Bobby still had the magazine. He said he decided to steal it and he was kind of fired up when he said this. He's so cute...as an act of rebellion about being asked to spend even more money and being pissed at the Doc for being so down on adoption, he decided to steal their magazine. He's crazy when he's mad, I tell ya :-)

So, we get in the car and go back and forth about paying for the frozen transfer to get our 2 tries back. It was a gut wrenching decision. Could we afford to do 2 fresh cycles because even though they are part of our 3 tries, we still have to pay for meds (a couple thousand), hysterscopes 9$450 each), d & c ($6000 if my insurance won't cover them) and any number of things that pop up? At this point we have already spent double what we thought we would spend. Can I take the loss if they both don't work. If it does work, will we be upset that we spent the extra $3500 for nothing? There is a possibility that we could still hyperstim and end up doing a frozen cycle anyway. How will doing more cycles affect our time with Connor? Will we have money left over to adopt? When do we say when? When do we draw the line?

Finally at the end of the day, we decided to NOT pay the $3500. We went into this thinking we would have 3 tries. That was our plan and we're stickin to it! If they don't work, we will adopt and maybe in a year or two try to do a frozen transfer. Yes, maybe we don't get the 3 fresh tries. But we have one more chance in June. And we have to believe that it will work, and if it doesn't maybe I am not meant to be pregnant. But I know I am meant to be a mom, I love being a mom...but I also know that there are many ways to make a family and maybe we are trying to force a way that isn't meant to be. We could go on and on with IVF...the doc could say give me one more try, ok, now just one more try....at some point we have to lay our cards down and walk away from the table. At this point we can still do that without losing all of our money - if we keep doing IVF we'll sink ourselves into so much debt that we'll never be able to add to our family. It's just so easy to think that "this next time will be the time it will work", that you can easily lose sight of what is important. And for us that is adding to our family.

So, once we made the decision to stick to our plan and finish IVF with this June series, I felt peace . But I also felt a little sadness. One more try at getting pregnant and then I need to let it go. One more try and then I need to get back to the place I had finally managed to get to the first time we stopped infertility treatments. One more try - maybe we'll finally get it right, or maybe we'll be starting a new path (and a new blog) towards adoption.

I will be blogging during this third try, and it looks like things will start up here in about a week. If your still interested keep reading. If you have comments about our decision, I welcome them - even if they are comments of disagreement. I will post again soon. Third try, here we come!

Maybe going solo

2009-04-09T15:41:00.000-07:00

Ok everyone...I only have 6 days until we meet with the Dr. to have our follow-up appointment. I'm now not sure if Bobby will be able to go with me. He said it depends on work, and that he'll know the night before. Great. Just what I want...to have to go and hear what the Doc suspects is wrong, by myself. AND to try to remember it to relay it to Bobby when I get home. The reason this frustrates me is that it is nice to double team this appointment. When I am processing info, Bobby always chimes in with great questions and vice versa. Now, I may have to process and chime - are these two tasks that I'm capable of? Who will I obsess about every word the doc said with on the drive home? These are seriously things that I worry about.

I also found a little glitch in my "series this summer" plan. I am not sure if my insurance will cover another D & C this year (or rather, so closely to the last one I had). If they won't, then I may have to wait till 2010, because the surgery costs right around $6000. My insurance covered it the first time, but I just don't know - damn those insurance companies that don't feel the need to cover infertility. I say Boo to them!

Ok, ok.....I am probably just freaking out about nothing, but I have little to occupy my mind when it comes to the future IVF so I think while I wait to hear from the Doc I have started creating drastic scenarios. It's really not a pretty side of me.

Alright, short blog I know - sorry I can't entertain today.

Till next time.....

Back to a normal life

2009-04-02T17:42:00.001-07:00

I'm just posting because, frankly, I haven't posted in awhile and I kind of miss it. Things have been going really well lately. I am done with good old aunt flo for the month, and am feeling energetic and hopeful for the future.

Last Saturday Bobby decided I needed a little post IVF pampering, so he took me out to dinner and then home, where he arranged for Connor to go to Grandma's, he poured me a lovely glass of wine, and ran me a wonderful bath filled with rose petals, surrounded by roses and candles, and then he left me alone to soak in silence...ahhhhhhh! To quote the commercial, "the hubs....he's good". I was thrilled and ohhh so relaxed afterwards. I could get used to this kind of pampering :-)

My appointment with the Doc is in 2 weeks. Yay! I have a ton of questions, some of them supplied by you wonderful people - so thanks for those. They mostly include asking about assisted hatching, my uterine lining and other such wonderful topics. I feel like I am armed with great information to ask the doc, and hope that he can supply equally great answers.

But the other fabulous thing is our name has already been passed along to 2 pregnant people thinking about adoption...they are both long shots and I don't really expect either to work out - but the amazing thing is that I have such wonderful people in my life. When I said please put the word out, I was pleasantly surprised and touched at how soon people started "looking" for a possible addition to our family. It makes my heart swell to know that we are surrounded by so much love and I hope you all will continue to think of us if you hear of someone that wants to pursue an adoption plan.

That's about all that's been happening on the home front - I can say that through all this crazy IVF hullabaloo we managed to potty train Connor (with the exception of overnight) and transition him into a big boy bed. I feel proud of these accomplishments considering we were both working full time, and dealing with all this infertility stuff.

Oh, and I forgot to mention...I told you before that we were thinking about doing the June series, and we still are as of now. However, my job situation is iffy...if any of you have heard, WSU is taking a 29% cut and will be laying of at least 500 people - Yikes. This is good and bad. The good is: because of my position they have to give me 6 months notice or pay me 6 months severance - this means I might just decide to stay home full time (if we can get health insurance through our Construction company). The bad news is we might not be able to get health insurance very cheaply, plus the loss of income might interfere with future family plans. And the Iffy news is: we won't find out if I still have my job until sometime between June 1 and July 1. Which coincidentally falls right in the middle of the June IVF series. See my dilemma? I wonder if I want to add that stress? I guess we'll have to see what the doc says and then see what things look like at WSU in a month or so.

Ok, I always say I won't blog until my appointment, but let's be honest....I can't stay away. So I'll probably blog again soon.