Saturday, February 28, 2009


I just want to say thank you to everyone for their positive thoughts and prayers. I am happy to report that my blood clot is gone and we are continuing on with this round. WOO HOO!

My appointment today went fine. Everything is right on track. During my scan the dr. searched and searched and we couldn't see the blood clot anywhere - plus there are no polyps in my uterus yet, so we are good to go.

It was nice because I actually knew someone in the waiting room - how lovely to be able to talk to someone and to see a friendly face. Especially because Bobby and Connor decided not to go with me - we thought it might interfere too much with Connor's potty training and he is doing so great, we didn't want being in the car for over 4 hours to set him back.

I didn't have to wait long - there were very few people there. I am at the very beginning of this series so I doubt I will have to wait very long at any of my appointments. My nurse called early this afternoon and told me to continue with my regimen, but to add 2 mg of Estrace to my daily routine. These are to be taken at 2pm. So my new routine is:
7am - 1 baby aspirin and 2 mg (2 tablets) Estrace
2pm - 2mg Estrace
7pm - 2 mg Estrace, 1 prenatal vitamin, and my Lupron shot

I am super excited about taking more hormones (sense my sarcasm) - I just hope that my headaches don't come back...they have finally gone away. The only side effects I seem to be having are:
1) a slight weight gain, despite my eating Very healthy, no caffeine or alcohol Plus walking a couple of miles nurse said this is one of the side effects and most of it is probably water retention. Is that why I look a little puffy?
2) Extreme fatigue - I am so sleepy. I have already taken 2 naps today and feel like I could take another. I will take sleepiness over headaches any day, but seriously I would love to have some energy back
3) Extreme bitchiness (haha) OK this isn't exactly true, but I thought I would add it for comic relief. Plus I think one could argue that I do have my moments of extreme bitchiness; either that or crying. I will cry because I'm happy, sad, hungry, sometimes if I am just telling someone that I am emotional I will start crying...I'm quite a site to see :-)
4) Hot flashes. These suck...a lot. It feels like your body is burning up from the inside. I suddenly have a unique understanding of what most of our moms are going through (menopause), and might I say, be nice to your mothers. Hot flashes, hormone shifts, all of it makes you feel like you are losing your mind.

I guess that is what's funny about this whole infertility thing. You seek help with the thought that you'll go to the dr., he'll tell you what's wrong with you, you'll follow his treatment and ta-da *poof* you have a baby. The reality is (in our case anyway) it takes years to find out what "might" be wrong, and then when you start treatment you find out a whole bunch of other stuff is wrong. To fix this, they put you on birth control (ha!) then quickly move you from birth control pills to hormones that either make your body produce massive amounts of eggs, or in my case right now, makes you get right to point of ovulation, but won't let you ovulate while simultaneously putting your body in this weird menopausal state. And this is an elective fact we're paying a chunk of change to be put through the ringer like this.

I know if the end result is a baby, then truly it will all be worth it (not to mention the amount of guilt I will have over that child, haha). But if this process has taught me anything so far, it is to listen to what your heart is telling you. There are many ways to make a family and I'm glad we went this route because we both felt this was the path we needed to take at this time. Either we will be adding to our family or we will have closure on this issue. But more than anything, I am glad that when we decided 2 and a half years ago that all we wanted was a family, that we listened to our hearts and found our son Connor. And that makes me feel like listening to our hearts now, no matter how rough this road has been, we will eventually be successful :-)

Our transfer date will most likely be on the 10th of March. My mom is coming up to stay with Connor and to help out (yay!). I will of course be posting more - my next appointment isn't until Thursday, but I am sure I will have something to say before then (don't I always have something to say?).

Till next time...

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

I knew it was going too smoothly....

Ugh! I had my appointment in Spokane today and then I waited around for my doxyflush. The drive was pretty uneventful, just a little rain, and I had company to Pullman because I had to drop Bobby's cousin off at the airport so that was nice.

My appointment: I got there about 5 after 7am and had to wait for just a little bit. I had a newbie take my blood and he did a pretty good job considering I think I made him nervous because I asked if he was new and when he said he was, I then asked him a zillion questions about himself. I could see he was really trying to concentrate but I just kept a talkin...he did a good job though -just a little pinch. Then I had my ultrasound. Everything looked fine, as it should and I didn't get in trouble for a full bladder this time because I used the bathroom 3 times before I went in. Let me tell ya, you can drink a lot of decaf coffee, followed by an entire water bottle on the drive up there.

So, I was told to hang out while they finished up with the other patients (there were only 2 people after me, so the wait wasn't too long). They called me back for my doxyflush. It was pretty similar to the hysterscope - but this time I got to keep my bra and sweater on, and only had to remove clothes from the waist down (it's the little things that make you happy at these appointments).

The Doxyflush is like this: you go in and walk across this sticky mat to get any debris/germs off the fabulous socks that they supply you with - which by the way I forgot to steal from them, yet again. Anyway, so you go in and lay on the table and put your legs (no, not your feet...your legs) in the gigando stirrups. The nurse pushes your gown up and covers your bottom half with this little white paper sheet, then she drops the end of the table down so the dr. can get up close and personal. At this point, the dr. comes and and the nurse turns off the overhead lights and shines this "you're on Broadway" spotlight at your "personal area" and moves the cotton paper drape out of the way. So there you are, spread eagle with this huge spotlight shining on you and you can finally start the procedure.

At this point I am told I will feel cramping just like the hysterscope - I think they wait to tell you this until you are in this compromising position, so that you can't up and run out of there. I was a little annoyed because the dr. said mild cramping after the nurse already told me it would be pretty painful and would last slightly longer than a hysterscope. Mild cramping my ass - male dr.'s shouldn't be able to gage the pain level of cramping when they have never actually had the procedure.

So they use the speculum to open things up (sorry if this is too much information) then they flush you out with this saline water solution - they can't use antiseptic because the transfer is so soon and they don't want to have foreign things there, but they have to use saline solution to ward off infection. Then they insert a catheter. They push the gas through the catheter to expand your uterus so they can see what's going on. Before the dr. pushes the liquid through, he looks to see how my uterus is. Well, turns out there is a little scar tissue from my D&C, so he says he's just going to clip this out. He says "sorry if you feel a little pinch" - are clipping off parts of a very sensitive area, yeah... I felt a little pinch. He got rid of the scar tissue and then notices this random piece of flesh floating around in there (I can see this the whole time on this monitor they have set up, so all the while, I am freaking out and asking "what is that, is that bad?" etc. etc.). He said it was fine and took these plier things and removed the floating piece of flesh.

At this point, he and I notice the blood clot. This nice, big, red blood clot. "Oh..." he says. I ask if it is bad and he says it isn't good. Then he goes on with the doxyflush which was mildly uncomfortable but would have probably been more if I wasn't freaking out that yet another thing had gone wrong. When the doxyflush was over, the nurse covered me and replaced the bottom of the bed and the dr. comes up by my head and says he isn't sure what to do here.

Apparently we might have to delay transfer until April so the blood clot can go away, however that might not work because that puts me 3 months from when I had my D&C which means my polyps more than likely will have grown back and we can't do the transfer with all of those polyps. *Cue my crying from total frustration at this point* He said I have 2 choices, we can go ahead with this or we can re-evaluate on Saturday to see if the clot is gone or is starting to go away. I said well obviously I want to re-evaluate because I want the best possible chances. He said we will take a look on Saturday and then he will tell me what he thinks is in my best interest.

I am so stinkin frustrated and on top of it emotional because I have cried all day. I just can't believe we might get moved again, and honestly if we were for sure transferring in April I would be disappointed to have to wait, but we don't even know if would be able to do it in April because of the polyps. Does this mean I will have to have another D&C and then hope that afterwards a blood clot doesn't form? If that is the case, it might be June until we can finally do this transfer. Not to mention the fact that I keep pumping my body full of hormones, which will probably end up giving me cancer someday (most studies show prolonged use leads to cancer - scary!), just to be told that I should stop taking the hormones because we are postponed.

It feels like a no win - blood clot means possibly not able to transfer and if we can transfer decreased odds because it is taking up space in my uterus. Polyps mean possibly not able to transfer and if we can transfer decreased odds because it is taking up space in my uterus. I am so annoyed and sad and frustrated....I'm starting to really feel like this is not something that is meant to happen for me. I'm not being negative - in fact, I have been pretty darn positive through this whole thing...I'm just having a bad day. And now I am back to waiting - waiting until Saturday and hoping that the darn blood clot will have magically disappeared. In the meantime, I am told to continue with my pills and shots. Oh, and now I am taking 2 Estrace in the morning and 2 in the evening instead of one in the morning and evening. Woo hoo - more hormones rushing through my body (sense the sarcasm here).

I will update on Saturday when I get home. Bobby and Connor are coming with me - Bobby insisted because I secretly think he thinks we are going to get bad news and he wants to be there for me if I get upset - he says it's because they would love to take the drive (yeah, right). But I'm not complaining, it will be nice to have the company :-)

More this weekend....

Friday, February 20, 2009

Appointment in Spokane

I had my appointment in Spokane this morning. The drive was horrible...the fog was so thick it was like I was driving through a marshmallow. I got there at about 10 after 7am so I had to wait a little bit. There weren't that many people there, just some couples that were successful from the last cycle (they were there for their weekly ultrasounds) and then one or two other people. I know I am towards the beginning of this series so I expect the later in the month we get, the busier the waiting room will be.

My nurse called and said everything looks good. At this point they are basically doing an ultrasound to make sure there are no cysts and next week they will be using the ultrasound to test the thickness of my uterine lining.

I started my Estrace this morning. It is a tiny little pill. My new routine is: 1 baby aspirin and 1mg (1 tablet) of Estrace at 7am and then I take another tablet of Estrace, my prenatal vitamin and my Lupron shot at 7pm. They changed the dosage of my Lupron shot from 10mg to 5mg. This doesn't really make a difference to me - or at least I don't think I will notice a difference. I've attached a picture of my daily regimen so that you can see what it looks like. Not quite as scary as when I had 3 shots a day.

Side Effects: I have another headache today - this is 5 days in a row now. It's one of the side effects of the hormones and is apparently something I will have to live with for the next couple of weeks. Also, I am sooooo tired. I mean , really really tired. I feel like I have no energy what-so-ever. I have been trying to go for walks hoping that moving around will give me energy, but so far it hasn't. I was a little nauseous this morning and was told that was from the Estrace and it may or may not continue as I take more of it. (something to look forward to?) That's basically it for the side effects.

I was talking to my sister about the transfer date and she pointed out that it's only 2 and 1/2 weeks away. I didn't realize it was that close - probably because this round has taken forever...but it got me kind of excited because 2 and 1/2 weeks really isn't that far away. I have another appointment on Tuesday (and my doxyflush), so I will write more on Tuesday afternoon. If anything eventful happens before than, I will post it :-)

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Time flies

I can't believe it's been over a week since I last posted. I had to go on a work trip and time just got away from me.

The shots have been going ok. I actually DO remember being crabby now...once I had a few days of hormones, it all came rushing back to me. The first week (or week and a half) on Lupron is especially hard. Your hormones do this massive shift from being on birth control, to not being on birth control, to suddenly starting your period. Oh, yes you do start a period while on Lupron. I had forgotten about this little occurrance and was startled when it happend. I called my nurse who assurred me it was that it was supposed to happen. But what nobody tells you is that it is the period from hell. You get massive cramps (which for me is horrible, because up until all of this hullabalo, my periods have been uneventful) and you get really crabby. I'm uncomfortable and I have been getting hot flashes, and find myself with very little patience. Poor Bobby is bearing the brunt and I have pledged to make a concious effort to be nicer to him - but honestly being nice is hard right now and if I am nice, then I seem to want to cry. He is being a good sport and I can hear him at times whispering over and over to himself that "it's the hormones, it's the hormones".

I always said I wasn't going to be one of those people that let all these hormones affect my mood or my life. And I think the first round I did a pretty darn good job. But now, I think I am just tired. I feel tired, and I just feel like if I am having an uncomfortable, crabby day - well...I'm sorry, but I don't have it in me right now to pretend like the hormones aren't affecting me a little. God help us if we have to go on to round #3. I think I might be banished to our basement :-)

I started my baby asprin this morning and tomorrow I start Estrace, yet another hormone. The Estrace is in pill form (thank goodness) but I take it twice a day, and let's be honest....nobody is excited about seeing me on yet another hormone.

I accidentally hit a blood vessell giving my shot the other night so I have a nasty bruice on my right abdomen. This sucks because the bruise is pretty significant in size and it has been tricky finding spots to give my shots. I have had to give them mostly on the left side and that has made me a little sore. I've had requests for more pictures (man you people love the visuals) so I will try to take a picture tonight and post it tomorrow.

Tomorrow is my first appointment in Spokane. I just have labs and ultrasound, but it's the early 7am appointment, so I'll be up at 4:30am to drive up there. My next appointment after that is on Tuesday and that is the day I will be having my Doxyflush. I don't really have the details on that one yet, so I will fill you all in when I know more.

More tomorrow!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009


So, I had to set the alarm on my phone again in order to remember to give my shot. 7pm just seems to sneak up on me. I feel good so far. The shots don't hurt at all, and I have had no bleeders so far, so no bruises. I am sure after a month I will have a couple bruises to show.

I tried to take pictures last night and I attached 2. Sorry that they are out of focus. Bobby was wrangling Connor, so I tried to take them myself and must have been standing too close. Anywho, I will post others later in the process.

The more we do this IVF thing, the more laid back about it I am. Normally I would be so focused on this process that I litterally couldn't think about anything else. But now this is just sort of something that is going on in the background of my life. Maybe because this is a frozen embryo transfer, so my body isn't going through the whole process of making mass amounts of eggs.

Tonight is my last night of birth control. I expect a little mood shift in the following days because of this. I don't remember the Lupron affecting me that much last time, but both Bobby and my mom were quick to assure me that it did indeed affect me and not in a positive way - in other words, I acted a little bitchy...I truely don't remember being that way, but I'll take their word for it. I'm going to try to act a little nicer, but it's hard when you don't know that you aren't acting nice. Aren't hormones lovely?

Till next time....

Monday, February 9, 2009

Started shots

Last night was the first night of shots. Or rather, I should say "shot". I only have to give one shot at this time...Lupron. I think this is ok because the needle for this shot is pretty tiny. I was at Delta Gamma last night advising, and since I was told to give my shot at 7pm, I had the pleasure of excusing myself from the meeting and gave my shot in the bathroom. Since I have become quite the pro at shot giving, it only took a minute or two to set everthing up and administer. But it was funny because my hand was shaking the whole time. I don't know if it's because it's been a couple months since I have given shots or just that I was in a different place. Regardless, the shot was a success.

I am still taking birth control and will stop those pills on Thursday. At the end of next week I will add my Estrace, and baby asprin pills. I am not exactly sure what these do, but if it works, I'm not complaining.

I can say starting this process feels like a weight being lifted off my shoulders. The waiting for things to start is so hard and since Round #2 has taken us 5 months instead of the regular one month, I can definetly say that both Bobby and I are relieved to get this process underway.

I've decided to take time off of work again during this process. Even though I won't be producing eggs for a retreival, I still think the "limited stress" thing is a good idea. So I'm planning to take all of the days I go to Spokane for Dr. appointments off and then I think I'm going to take the entire week of transfer off and take it really easy. My first appointment isn't until the 20th, so until then I will continue to post about the shots, pills, hormones, and other little quirky details. I will try to post pictures later this week.