Tuesday, February 24, 2009

I knew it was going too smoothly....

Ugh! I had my appointment in Spokane today and then I waited around for my doxyflush. The drive was pretty uneventful, just a little rain, and I had company to Pullman because I had to drop Bobby's cousin off at the airport so that was nice.

My appointment: I got there about 5 after 7am and had to wait for just a little bit. I had a newbie take my blood and he did a pretty good job considering I think I made him nervous because I asked if he was new and when he said he was, I then asked him a zillion questions about himself. I could see he was really trying to concentrate but I just kept a talkin...he did a good job though -just a little pinch. Then I had my ultrasound. Everything looked fine, as it should and I didn't get in trouble for a full bladder this time because I used the bathroom 3 times before I went in. Let me tell ya, you can drink a lot of decaf coffee, followed by an entire water bottle on the drive up there.

So, I was told to hang out while they finished up with the other patients (there were only 2 people after me, so the wait wasn't too long). They called me back for my doxyflush. It was pretty similar to the hysterscope - but this time I got to keep my bra and sweater on, and only had to remove clothes from the waist down (it's the little things that make you happy at these appointments).

The Doxyflush is like this: you go in and walk across this sticky mat to get any debris/germs off the fabulous socks that they supply you with - which by the way I forgot to steal from them, yet again. Anyway, so you go in and lay on the table and put your legs (no, not your feet...your legs) in the gigando stirrups. The nurse pushes your gown up and covers your bottom half with this little white paper sheet, then she drops the end of the table down so the dr. can get up close and personal. At this point, the dr. comes and and the nurse turns off the overhead lights and shines this "you're on Broadway" spotlight at your "personal area" and moves the cotton paper drape out of the way. So there you are, spread eagle with this huge spotlight shining on you and you can finally start the procedure.

At this point I am told I will feel cramping just like the hysterscope - I think they wait to tell you this until you are in this compromising position, so that you can't up and run out of there. I was a little annoyed because the dr. said mild cramping after the nurse already told me it would be pretty painful and would last slightly longer than a hysterscope. Mild cramping my ass - male dr.'s shouldn't be able to gage the pain level of cramping when they have never actually had the procedure.

So they use the speculum to open things up (sorry if this is too much information) then they flush you out with this saline water solution - they can't use antiseptic because the transfer is so soon and they don't want to have foreign things there, but they have to use saline solution to ward off infection. Then they insert a catheter. They push the gas through the catheter to expand your uterus so they can see what's going on. Before the dr. pushes the liquid through, he looks to see how my uterus is. Well, turns out there is a little scar tissue from my D&C, so he says he's just going to clip this out. He says "sorry if you feel a little pinch" - ummmm...you are clipping off parts of a very sensitive area, yeah... I felt a little pinch. He got rid of the scar tissue and then notices this random piece of flesh floating around in there (I can see this the whole time on this monitor they have set up, so all the while, I am freaking out and asking "what is that, is that bad?" etc. etc.). He said it was fine and took these plier things and removed the floating piece of flesh.

At this point, he and I notice the blood clot. This nice, big, red blood clot. "Oh..." he says. I ask if it is bad and he says it isn't good. Then he goes on with the doxyflush which was mildly uncomfortable but would have probably been more if I wasn't freaking out that yet another thing had gone wrong. When the doxyflush was over, the nurse covered me and replaced the bottom of the bed and the dr. comes up by my head and says he isn't sure what to do here.

Apparently we might have to delay transfer until April so the blood clot can go away, however that might not work because that puts me 3 months from when I had my D&C which means my polyps more than likely will have grown back and we can't do the transfer with all of those polyps. *Cue my crying from total frustration at this point* He said I have 2 choices, we can go ahead with this or we can re-evaluate on Saturday to see if the clot is gone or is starting to go away. I said well obviously I want to re-evaluate because I want the best possible chances. He said we will take a look on Saturday and then he will tell me what he thinks is in my best interest.

I am so stinkin frustrated and on top of it emotional because I have cried all day. I just can't believe we might get moved again, and honestly if we were for sure transferring in April I would be disappointed to have to wait, but we don't even know if would be able to do it in April because of the polyps. Does this mean I will have to have another D&C and then hope that afterwards a blood clot doesn't form? If that is the case, it might be June until we can finally do this transfer. Not to mention the fact that I keep pumping my body full of hormones, which will probably end up giving me cancer someday (most studies show prolonged use leads to cancer - scary!), just to be told that I should stop taking the hormones because we are postponed.

It feels like a no win - blood clot means possibly not able to transfer and if we can transfer decreased odds because it is taking up space in my uterus. Polyps mean possibly not able to transfer and if we can transfer decreased odds because it is taking up space in my uterus. I am so annoyed and sad and frustrated....I'm starting to really feel like this is not something that is meant to happen for me. I'm not being negative - in fact, I have been pretty darn positive through this whole thing...I'm just having a bad day. And now I am back to waiting - waiting until Saturday and hoping that the darn blood clot will have magically disappeared. In the meantime, I am told to continue with my pills and shots. Oh, and now I am taking 2 Estrace in the morning and 2 in the evening instead of one in the morning and evening. Woo hoo - more hormones rushing through my body (sense the sarcasm here).

I will update on Saturday when I get home. Bobby and Connor are coming with me - Bobby insisted because I secretly think he thinks we are going to get bad news and he wants to be there for me if I get upset - he says it's because they would love to take the drive (yeah, right). But I'm not complaining, it will be nice to have the company :-)

More this weekend....

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