Results are here....

That's right people...my test was BFP...Positive...I am officially, as of this moment, pregnant!!!

Now, before you get all excited, (which trust me, I am excited too!) please remember it is really, really early and that right now, while loving that I am pregnant and soaking in every moment, I am moving forward with cautious optimism. That being said.....holy s&!@!!! I'm actually pregnant!

Ok, now for the details of my week. I went in for my test on Wednesday, July 1st. I was really nervous because I really did keep trying to imagine getting that positive phone call, but my mind just kept going back to the negative phone call and I felt like it just wasn't in the cards for me. Granted I had been having some cramping - it was like a band of achiness across my entire abdomen. And I had been gassy (sorry if that's TMI, but it's the truth). However, I also broke out terribly on my chin, which normally means AF is on her way. But then, it happened...I was getting my pjs on the night before my test and I looked down at my chest and saw big, bright blue, (neon blue almost) veins. These veins were new to me - never seen them before and I had a feeling.

Not a, "k, I know I'm pregnant feeling" but more of a "omigosh, maybe I could be pregnant" feeling. I called Bobby in to look and got the normal male response - he didn't really notice anything different. So I kind of brushed it off.

So I go in, have my blood drawn (no waiting in the waiting room because there was only one other person there) and then I got in the car for the 2 hour drive home. My plan was to be at my house, just as I had planned all the times before. But as usual things didn't go quite as planned. My phone rang at 8:15am. It was the dr.'s office. NEVER in the past year have I gotten a phone call back that early, and when I saw the number, I knew. I just knew...I was pregnant. I picked up the call and my nurse made a little small talk - get to the good stuff already!

Finally, she told me "congratulations, your pregnant". I screamed, then asked her if she was messing with me because it was a really mean joke. She assured me that she was in fact very serious and that as soon as she saw my numbers she had to call right away. My numbers...oh, yeah...what were my numbers? She told me that my beta number was 224! That this is a fantastic number. Then, as I am still freaking out, she told me to pull my car over because she was scared I was going to get in an accident. Which was probably a good thing because I think I had forgotten I was driving at that point. She instructed me to come back to the dr. for a second blood test on Friday to confirm by having my numbers double. I told her I would be there, hung up the phone, and made some important calls: to Bobby of course, family and one close friend who I swore to secrecy (thanks EJ!). All gave me the most wonderful reaction (actually Bobby didn't believe me because I was calling so early, but soon he decided that I wasn't lying and was a little shocked, but very happy!) and I was floating on cloud nine the entire drive home.

So, I get home and have to call to refill my progesterone because I was almost out. Looks like I will be giving shots for another couple of months. Then I had to run to the store, and figured while I was there why not pick up a little hpt just for fun.

That's right, I took a home pregnancy test. After 6 years of seeing only 1 pink line, you can imagine my elation when not a second after I took the test did both pink lines show up. And they weren't a little faint pink, those suckers were dark pink. Bobby laughed at me because he thought it was funny that we paid a dr. over $30,000 to tell us we were pregnant, but I needed to take a $13 hpt to confirm it :-)

Anyway, on with my long story. I went in on Friday (since my mom was in town, she took the drive with me) and had my second test. The nurse left me a message because I forgot my phone.

*side note: forgetting my phone was actually pretty hilarious because everyone in my family was freaking out that I would miss the phone call and I was the only calm one...which is kind of weird for me.*

Anyway, the nurse said that my numbers more than doubled (awesome). So yay for me! She told me that I need to go back to the dr. next Friday at 7am for bloodwork and an ultrasound. Yay for me again!

I still kind of can't believe it. Since finding out, I have had a few symptoms but nothing too big. I am bloated which is mostly from the progesterone I think. Other than that, I don't really feel different. With the 4th of July weekend, Bobby and I haven't even had a chance to talk about it really. We are excited, and are hoping and praying that we can see this pregnancy through without complications. We're taking it day by day...but finally, finally, I can say that I am pregnant :-)

Oh, one thing...I am sort of keeping this on the dl outside of the blogworld, so if you're a facebook friend of mine...please don't congrats me and mention this little life changing event yet. I'm not telling work until later and some of the people I work with are on there. Plus it's so early that although I don't mind blogging about it, it feels weird to let the whole world know when it is so early and so much can happen still. I will update again after my appointment on Friday.

Till then....

2ww

That stands for 2 week wait for those of you that don't speak infertile. It should be called the 2 worst weeks of waiting EVER!!! It is seriously torture waiting to take the beta test (pregnancy test).

I have decided that while I will report the outcome of this IVF round, I am not going to share the exact day that I go in for my test. I appreciate all the support I get and please, please keep praying for us. It's just...the first IVF, I got the call with my results while I was at work, late in the afternoon. I wasn't blogging then, so I had to call and relay the info to family and friends. That pretty much sucked!

The second round of IVF, I blogged. Which was a great because I didn't have to make the million phone calls. However, I was in Boise for the weekend, so I got the call while I was at McDonalds...which.....pretty much sucked. And everyone was waiting on pins and needles to find out the results, I felt obligated to instantly update the blog even though I felt really really terrible.

This time my plan is to go to my appointment quietly...no fanfare...go home and wait for my results. This way, if the results are not great, then I can grieve...by myself... where I can reflect on this process and get myself to a place where I can look to the future. If the results are positive, I will be holding my breath for 2 days until I can take the second test, and once I know I am pregnant for sure, I will shout it from the roof tops. I know the secrecy may seem silly but it is what feels right to me at this time.

Oh, I have had some symptoms during this 2ww, some good...some bad. I have had cramping and bloating, which I view as good because I am not really a crampy before my period kind of girl. Implantation maybe!?! However, I did breakout on my face a bit - in the exact same spot I always break out right before my period starts - Ugh! That's not a good symptom. Other than that, I feel pretty normal. I am getting more and more anxious for testing day to arrive and hope and pray that this time will be my time...that this time I won't hear the words "Miss Jennifer, it's not good honey".

Till next time....

Day after

Today is the day after transfer. After all this time and with our track record, you would think I would be able to relay some story about the terrible things that went wrong on transfer day and how we are dealing with them...only this time there is nothing to relay. In fact transfer day went by without any complications (weird for us) and even had some perks.

So, we went in and were told that we still had 5 embies going. 3 were perfect, perfect, the highest grading you can get for a day 5. The 4th one was nearly perfect and the 5th was lagging. We talked to the Doc about our options - how many to transfer, freeze, etc. We asked him if he would still recommend transferring more than 3 and he said no. Because these embies are such good quality and they are fresh (versus the frozen we transferred last time) that he wouldn't want to risk transferring 4. We took the Doc's advice and stuck with transferring 3 (which is a rare thing at this clinic anyway). The other 2 will continue to grow and then based on their quality we will decided whether or not to freeze them.

At this point I had already consumed my 32 ounces of water and was feeling the need to go...Finally I was taken into the op room and had to empty my bladder 2 and a half times. I guessed it would be 3 times based on how uncomfortable I was, but 2 and a half is still a lot. The transfer went smoothly. Oddly quiet. With really pretty music in the background.

I waited in the recovery room for the 20 minutes they let you lay still. Then they let us leave. Simple as that. No drama. Weird...for us anyway.

We went and checked into a hotel. We had stayed at this particular hotel once before, and found it to have everything we needed. By that I mean, room service, clean comfy beds, and pay per view movies. Unfortunately once we were checked into said room, we opened the armoire to find a teeny tiny tv and no pay per view. Aw man...down to the lobby Bobby went (that's funny, lobby Bobby haha) anyway, he fought with them and needless to say we left that particular hotel and ended up at a different hotel that assured us they had ppv. Bobby was a little tense and mentioned I was pretty much on bed rest. I think they sensed his tension because they had us upgraded to a suite for free. Sa- weeeet! The hotel stay was wonderful and relaxing. We caught up on movies we had been wanting to see. I ate my pineapple that I had carted there in a cooler. General happiness was the mood.

My blogs aren't nearly as funny when things go smoothly and I can't remark snarkely on events, but I can say that I'm happy things have finally, finally gone right for once. Maybe this is a sign of things to come. I am taking it really easy today, and tomorrow I will work from home so I can rest throughout the day.

I am sure I will be updating throughout these long days of waiting....Till then....

Chuggin' along

Well, it looks like we still have all 6 embryos. 5 of them are at 8 cell (which is where they should be today) and 1 is only at 4 cell. I am thrilled that they are all still "active" and can't believe that we still have 6. I'm holding my breath, waiting and hoping that by day 5 we will have enough quality embryos to transfer.

My last acupuncture appt. went really well. We did the cupping again, and I can still feel the relief in my shoulders and back. I asked her about the pineapple theory and she told me that she knows in South America they eat it for it's anti-inflammatory purposes and she had heard that the core could assist in implantation because of the bromelian. So, she said she didn't think it would hurt anything to buy an organic pineapple, divide it into 5 portions (core and all) and eat 1 portion a day for five days starting today and going for 3 days past transfer. So, today I ate my organic pineapple and enjoyed it very much :-)

She also told me to try to eat organic as much as possible - ummmm...I went to the Co-op and organic is expensive. So I am trying to incorporate organic items into my meals as best I can (and as much as I can afford). But the best thing she told me to do was to get a big fatty-grass-fed piece of beef and grill it up for Father's Day - yay for red meat! I seriously had a dream the other night that I worked in a meat hanger and I moved fresh juicy red meat out of the way so people could walk through the hanger. That was my job...meat mover. I'm thinkin I need a little red meat in my life again. Granted, this is only for one night and I am still to limit my intake after transfer, but I will enjoy every juicy bite.

Also, poor Bobby found out he has a kidney infection. Boo to that. I was a not-so-great wife and kind of didn't believe that he was sick. I merely thought he was internalizing the stress of this week. Well, turns out not everything is about IVF in our lives and he in fact was not internalizing and was indeed very sick. Now he is totally conked out and I am left with a huge feeling of guilt for not initially believing him. I think all is forgiven as I went out and bought him some yummy peanut butter and chocolate ice cream and have let him sleep most of the day.

We won't hear anymore until Monday...or otherwise known as transfer day (dun dun dunnnnn). They will call us first thing in the am and let us know what survived and if we can transfer that day and then will instruct us on the time to arrive at the office. Please, please pray and think good thoughts for these little embryos to keep chuggin' along...I will update on Monday if I can, otherwise you can expect a little somethin, somethin on Tuesday.

Egg/Embryo Update

So, I got the call from my nurse letting me know what the status was on my eggs yesterday and the embryos today.

They were actually able to retrieve 16 eggs, and let me tell ya...I am feeling some pain from the extraction - ouch! Out of the 16 eggs only 10 were mature. Go Doc (he totally guessed 10)! So out of the 10 mature eggs, sadly only 6 fertilized (all with the help of our little friend ICSI).

Ugh! 6 little embryos. Some of you may think - wow! 6 is great. But let me break it down for ya. I have 6 today - only about half tend to make it to day 3 (Saturday), out of those...only about half (if that many) will make it to day 5, which is my transfer day. That means I will Maybe, Maybe have 1 embryo on transfer day of which the quality is yet to be determined. Please don't think I am getting down and being all negative and whatever...it's just, being through this several times before has made me face the reality of the situation. I will most likely be using my frosties.

On to other things...I have a new pill/shot regimen: I now get to have the big fatty-mcfatterson progesterone shot in my backside/hip area on a nightly basis. I also take doxycyclene (pill) twice a day, medrol (pill) once a day, and my prenatal vitamin.

I also have a new one...well, not actually new. I took it during my frozen cycle, but haven't taken it for a fresh cycle. Ok, so I'm taking Estrace 2 Mg (pill taken orally) and 1Mg (pill inserted into the va-jay-jay). Yep, you heard right. I get to stick a pill "deep" (as the nurse described to me) into my lady area every night before bed. The Doc thinks adding the Estrace will help with the implantation. Bring it on - anything to help at this point is welcome.

I have my last acupuncture appointment tonight. I am kind of sad that this is the last one, because I really enjoyed my time there. My acupuncture person told me that if this doesn't work out, I should start acupuncture again, and next time she will mix in Chinese herbs. I am considering this, as I've tried everything else under the moon, and frankly the acupuncture relaxes me to a point I haven't been at for years so if anything. at least I'll get that benefit.

Oh, and did I mention I am feeling the pain from yesterday. I don't know if I didn't sit still enough yesterday or what, but my tummy hurts. And last night I had to get up to use the bathroom and I must have been sleeping in a balled up position because when I straightened out to stand up, I cried from the pain. Today it is a little better, but still not lovin' how I'm feeling.

I would have stayed home and rested today but the lovely University I work for has decided that instead of sending out our lay-off letters, the Deans would hand deliver them to us and have a private meeting with each person. Mandatory Meeting. Today. So in to work I dragged myself, just so I can get "officially laid off". Today sucks! I do have 6 months left and just found out that I am 99% going to have my job extended for one full year and if we can find grants we can transition into a self-sustaining unit - but it still sucks to lose your job to budget cuts regardless.

I am having a little pity party apparentally...won't you join me?

I will update on Saturday with news of my acupuncture and the update on the embies.

Rolling veins are just no fun

Today was the big retrieval day. We got there at 7:30ish and the waiting room was still full of people - mostly of the female variety. This did not sit well with Bobby since he was there to do some business and the the fact that everyone in the room knew that (because why else would they call him back into "the room") really bothered him this time. He was a trooper and muddled through, but snuck out the back door and gave me a covert call on my cell phone to tell me to meet him in the lobby. Too funny.

I chatted with Nicole and another nice person while waiting for Bobby and the other person had also heard of the pineapple thing. Her friend tried it during her 5th cycle at a different clinic and swears it worked. Apparently you are supposed to eat it after transfer because it aids in implantation. I asked the nurses what they thought about it and they said they hadn't heard anything about pineapple. I told them that they might start hearing about it because I was talking about it rather loudly in the waiting room, and let's be honest....tell a bunch of desperate infertiles that pineapple is a magical helper and there just might be a mad rush of women buying pineapple.

So anyway, we left the office for awhile, and arrived back just before 9am. I changed into the gown, robe, hair net, and socks -yes, I did steal them this time :-) Then I waited for the anesthesiologist. When it was time for my iv I explained that everytime they have tried it on my left hand, the vein has rolled back and it hasn't worked. So this time they tried my right hand...wouldn't you know it - that darn vein rolled back and it didn't work. Instead of attempting on my left hand, they just decided to put it in my arm - ouch! It stung. Bad.

I also told them that the last time I had retrieval I got really sick on the car ride home. They gave me some anti-nausea stuff in my iv, but concluded that I most likely got sick because that was the start of my hyperstim. Hmmm...looking back, that makes sense.

After the retrieval, I was wheeled into recovery. I ate my little crackers and had my juice. I was feeling the pain so they gave me a ty.len.ol with codeine - mmm that's better... Then they told us they were able to retrieve 15 eggs. Not too shabby. The first time we only got 12, and the second time we got 30-something, so 15 was sounding pretty ok to me. I know that the chances of them being mature are minimal, but for now I am going to think they were all mature and will all be fertilized. I'll get the call tomorrow to tell me the exact numbers and of course will relay all that info to all of you.

Sorry, I can't come up with anything witty or humorous this blog...I'm still feeling a bit sore and just attempted to eat lunch, which I am now realizing may have been hasty and quite possibly not my best decision of the day.

Till tomorrow...

Anniversary - woo hoo!

Ok, so my anniversary really has nothing to do with all this IVF related hulabullo, but today is my 8 year anniversary none the less. And oh, Bobby would kick me for that statement, because it is actually "our anniversary" not just mine but for some reason I like to claim it as such :-)

So, my appointment today went ok. Nothing out of the ordinary. The left follicles are still stubborn and not cooperating in any way, shape or form. My right ones are inching along. The Doc said that he is going to predict 10, but when my nurse called that number was revised to a 6. Yikes...I guess that's better than none and I guess the one thing I have on my side is that nothing has gone the way they think so far, so maybe my ovaries will surprise them and pump out some stellar eggs.

She told me that I can be rest assured that I will not be hyperstimming this time. (Well, there's some good news.) My estrogen level is around 2400, and when I hypserstimmed it peaked at 6300. I'm feeling pretty good about that not happening again. And she just kept reminding me that there are all of my frozen embies ready to go. I think they were expecting me to be more upset at the news that this may be a bum fresh cycle, and honestly...at this point...you can't really tell me much that will bring me down. I've heard it all this past year and just feel like I can roll with whatever comes my way.

Same plan (as previously posted) for tomorrow morning...nothing new there. Oh, and in my IVF forgetfulness, I forgot to ask about the pineapple. I will definitely do that tomorrow. I will of course post tomorrow night - pardon me in advance if the post is a weird one...I may still be doped up when I decide to share my info. Till then....